Parents play an irreplaceable role in the lives of their children. This relationship has a profound impact on a child’s mental, physical, social and emotional development as well as their overall well-being and happiness. Parents help us in every step of our life. “Even when young children spend most of their waking hours in child-care, parents remain the most influential adults in their lives,” writes Jack Shonkoff, a board-certified pediatrician who sits on the faculty of the Harvard Graduate School of Education. “The hallmark of the parental relationship is the readily observable fact that this special adult is not interchangeable with others,“ he notes. “A child may not care about who cuts his hair or takes money at the store, but he cares a great deal about who is holding him when he is unsure, comforts him when he is hurt, and shares special moments in his life.”  The relationship between parents and their children impacts children not just in childhood but throughout their entire lifetime. It affects all areas of a child’s life, including health and development, educational progress and professional opportunities as well as life choices.

One of the main roles of parents is providing encouragement, support and access to activities that enable a child to master key developmental tasks.  A child’s learning and socialization are most influenced by their family since the family is the child’s primary social group. Providing and supporting a child with education is one of the landmarks in a child’s development.  A good education will help provide a rewarding career to the person and thereby they will positively contribute to society.  Parents are also their children’s biggest cheerleaders and give them unconditional love.  

Some of the facts about the importance of parent involvement are:

• Children who have parental support are likely to have better health as adults
• Students with involved parents tend to earn higher grades, have better social skills, and are more likely to graduate and go on to post-secondary education
• Children are more likely to be socially competent and have better communication skills when they have parents who are sensitive to their needs and emotions
• Teens who are monitored by their parents are less likely than teens with “hands-off” parents to smoke, drink and use drugs.

Maintaining a good parent-child relationship is crucial to wise parenting.  Starting right from the birth of a child, parents should always be aware of the enormous impact they have on their children’s lives.  Their impact sets the stage for raising a confident, educated and secure young adult who is ready to face the challenges of life.

Fall is here. School has started again, and the wonderful freedom and chaos of summer has come to an end. As a parent, I do my best to embrace the fullness of each summer season. The loosening of the scheduling belt, the extended bedtimes, invitations for play and rest, and the messy, frivolous fun. But to be honest, by the tenth week, I’m ready for it all to be over. For the routine to resume, the schedules to be set, and for the intensity to diminish. Often for families of gifted children, the summer can be a time of , or it can be a season of , boredom or frustration for parent and child.

With the passing of each season, and the beginning of each new year, I am reminded of how parenting is a long-distance journey. Sometimes it feels as if I am just “surviving” each passing season, while experiencing the fullness of life and living from a place of intentionality eludes me. My deep desire is to live each season of my child’s development being engaged, present, and intentional. This is far from being a “perfect parent,” and includes giving myself permission to not necessarily like each challenge and struggle that my child and I face. Rather it is about making sure that I show up and be present with and for my child. To be able to attain this desire, I have to regularly practice awareness of my own strengths, resources, and most of all, my own needs.

As parents we are so diligent in preparing our child for their future, making sure that their academic, relational, and physical needs are met. Additionally, parenting gifted, 2e, and can pose a unique strain on our personal and internal resources. Yet, as parents, we often neglect our own needs for connection, renewal, and personal growth. We’ve all heard the saying before, “Put on your own oxygen mask first before assisting another person.” Tending to our own physical, emotional, intellectual, relational, and spiritual needs is vital for our own health and well-being, but also for our children’s. Daily, our children are seeing a model in us of what adulthood looks like. How we tend to our health, growth, or relationships can set a valuable example to them that
they may emulate in their own lives.

For me, the beginning of a new school year has become a time to reevaluate my own life and needs, and set new intentions for the season ahead. This fall, I encourage you to take some time to reflect on your own life. I like to call it a “life inventory.” Reflect on the five domain life areas and which ones you tend to favor or nurture, and which tend to be forgotten or even dismissed. Ask yourself the sustainability question: “How long could I go on this way, and what would be the results?” Sometimes the answer to that question can be fairly revealing or shocking. After taking inventory, set some intentions for yourself to develop some of your more tender areas. This isn’t about packing your schedule with more “to do’s” or activities for yourself. It’s about listening deeply to your life, and recognizing what changes you need to pursue to bring about more intentionality, meaning, and wholehearted living. Not only will you be refueled for the continued journey at hand, but I fully believe that our children will benefit from us modeling a life well-lived with purposeful engagement and authenticity. Wishing you a wonderful fall season, and may we all never stop learning and growing!

For those readers in the Pasadena/Los Angeles area, beginning on September 26th I am leading an eight week parenting support group for mothers raising children with high emotional intensity. This unique group provides a place to share with other mothers, give and receive support, and to reflect on yourself as a parent. If you’re looking for an opportunity to grow in your own awareness and move towards intentional parenting then go to to learn more.

Michelle Bodwell, LMFT, ATR specializes in providing individual and group therapy for women in all seasons of life. Her goal is to provide each woman with a safe and therapeutic place to explore their feelings, be supported, find creative solutions to problems, and to become a more fully integrated whole person. She is a mother to two amazing gifted sons, who have been by far, her best teachers in life.

Like this post?  to receive more stories, information, and resources about gifted youth straight to your inbox.

Gifted Children at Home

The innate characteristics of gifted children appear in both the classroom and at home. Two of these characteristics, as Sharon points out, are perfectionism and intense intellectual interest.

Perfectionism is a common trait among gifted children, and it can be quite a challenge to deal with at school and at home for both children and their parents. “Learning to fail and learning it is okay not to be perfect are some of the best gifts we can give these kids,” Sharon explains. She suggests playing games of chance with your children to help them learn what it “feels” like not to win.

It is also important to teach our gifted children balance; but as Sharon points out, balance can be very difficult to achieve. Our children have deep, intense intellectual and/or creative interests, and they want to pour all of their energy into what they love doing. While this drive is part of their gift and may lead them to amazing success, they also need to learn how to calm themselves and how not to get themselves into overwhelming situations. Thus, Sharon suggests encouraging your kids to go out and do something physically active when they feel tense or allowing them some down time alone.

Gifted Children at School

Gifted children often encounter many challenges in the traditional school. Some of these challenges arise because schools are designed for the developmentally average child – and your gifted child is definitely not average – and some challenges result from teachers who, through no fault of their own, have been less exposed to gifted students and do not know how to recognize or accommodate their unique needs. These kids are a population often ignored by teacher training programs and misunderstood by the population at large. So, it is important to understand some of the unique challenges of gifted children and a few of the ways to assist gifted children in dealing with them.

Sharon stresses the importance of teachers understanding the difference between “gifted” and “high-achieving” children. Unlike the high-achieving child, “Your child can be many different ages at the same time, and that age can turn on a dime,” Sharon explains. This will affect your child’s behavior in a classroom. Understanding gifted children – including asynchronous development and the intensities commonly found in the gifted – will help teachers see the root of issues in the classroom more clearly.

If gifted children are receiving appropriate accommodations in class, they generally are able to thrive emotionally and socially. Sometimes gifted children are especially sensitive to issues of fairness and justice, especially when prizes are awarded or when teachers are publicly charting progress. After all, it takes much longer to read a book at the sixth grade level than one at the first grade level. When a child feels that something isn’t fair in class, it is important to correct the situation so that the child does not hide his or her advanced abilities to get the easier assignment. One parent in the group shared that she thought it was really important and valuable when her daughter advocated for herself with the teacher, sharing why she thought something was unfair and asking for it to be corrected.

Recess can also be a huge struggle for gifted children at school, as Sharon describes. Gifted children tend to value rules and order more than other children, so they often see recess as anarchy. No one enforces rules, kids are playing with the “wrong” rules, and there is a lot of noise and overstimulation for those with sensual overexcitabilities. Sharon explains that, while many gifted kids are eventually able to deal with the playground as they get older, some younger children find it the most stressful part of the school day. If your child is having a hard time at recess, take it seriously and work with the school to see if your child can participate in alternate activities during recess until they are able to tolerate it. It is also important to note that because of overexcitabilities, lunchtime can produce similar problems.

Understanding “Gifted”

Sharon feels that it is extremely important to talk with your child about what it feels like to be gifted. Gifted children know that they are different, and often, if you do not address this with them, they may internalize these differences, not understand why they are different, and believe that there is something wrong with them. Sharon emphasizes that one of the best things you can do is to ensure that your child is able to socialize with like minded peers. This helps them to understand that they are not alone, that there are others like them out there, and that it is okay to be different.

As the parent of a gifted child, it is also incredibly important for you to seek support from other parents of gifted children, Sharon encourages. The child development books do not apply to your child, and other people probably just don’t get it. Parents face a lot of judgment from relatives, friends, and other parents that comes from their misunderstanding of the nature of giftedness. Many of them think that you are babying or spoiling your kids, that you are pushing them too hard, that you have been “flashcarding” them since they were babies. But the reality is that your child is at a breaking point when the tags on his shirt feel like razor blades on his skin, and that your child is the one pushing herself too hard, not you, and that when your child was three he pulled a physics book off the shelf and started reading while you were in the other room making dinner. The life our kids are experiencing is not the same as what other parents often describe, and it is important for you as a parent to seek support from other parents who are going through situations similar to yours. Parent support groups are critical. It is important for you, too, to know you are not alone.

To be notified of future Gifted Child Parent Support Groups in the Los Angeles area, please contact us or sign up for our email newsletter and make sure to enter your zip code in the form.

Like this post? Please share!