As the COVID-19 pandemic has developed over the last couple of weeks, I have been struck by my own attachments to simple comforts and small routines – they make me feel safe, and when the grocery stores started feeling post-apocalyptic, I began to feel my sense of safety diminish. I realize that my experience of the pandemic is an incredibly privileged one; many people in our community have not only experienced a shift in routine – their lives have been upended. Some have lost jobs; some are struggling to feed their children, who usually eat breakfast and lunch at school; some are struggling to work full-time from home while trying to navigate emergency homeschooling; and some have gotten very, very sick or lost loved ones to the virus.

Whatever your experience has been during this time, I know that a loss of routine can feel foreboding. Children rely on their routines for their own sense of stability, and while transitions are difficult for all of us, they are especially unsettling and scary for children. Even a transition as simple as shifting from park time to get-in-the-car time can yield a reaction so intense that you might feel compelled to hide behind the twisty slide until the volcano in the middle of the wood chips ceases its erupting.

Gifted children experience a heightened awareness that is “qualitatively different from the norm,” (Columbus Group), and your child’s response to a shift in routine (no matter how slight the shift may seem) might manifest as intense anxiety, stomach aches, outbursts, reclusiveness, or all of the above, even if this extra time spent together has felt like a gift. My own child sat in the middle of the sidewalk during her scooter ride yesterday and wailed, WAILED, because a chirping bird in a tree, whom she had named “Baby Tweetie” did not come down to play with her. I was baffled. I thought the moment would pass quickly, but she cried about Baby Tweetie for hours: “BAAABY TWEEEEETIE! I LOVE HER AND SHE LOVES MEEEEE!” Her routine hasn’t shifted as dramatically as others’ have, but she is one of the most social people I know, and not playing with friends every day has been difficult for her. She longs for connection, and she was full of despair when her friend Baby Tweetie couldn’t offer it to her.

During my time working with Yunasa campers, I noticed that many gifted children feel intense anxiety relating to their perceived inability to affect change in a world of suffering. Younger kids might feel anxiety pertaining to their inability to affect change in their own, much smaller worlds. And when their lives have seemingly turned upside down, when their stabilizing routines have vanished, that anxiety might feel really big.

As we craft new routines during this time of transition, we might also provide tools for our kids to affect change in little ways.  As I read Peace is an Offering by Annete LeBox to my daughters today, it occurred to me that it is completely within our power to spread peace right now, and we can empower our kids to do the same. What is peace, exactly? I think it is a sense of serenity, a feeling of acceptance, a knowing that we are ok, even when things are crumbling around us. We might experience peace as our anxieties calm down, our anger subsides, or our feelings of restlessness diminish. And as we work to spread peace in our little worlds (or in the world at large), we experience a greater measure of peace, too.

“Peace is an offering. A muffin or a peach. A birthday invitation. A trip to the beach. Peace is gratitude for simple things. Light through a leaf, a dragonfly’s wings. A kiss on the cheek, raindrops and dew. A walk in the park, a bowl of hot stew.”

We spread peace by putting forth little offerings of grace and kindness into our communities. We keep our eyes open and meet needs where we can. We remain attentive, looking for beauty everywhere.

“Peace is holding on to another. Peace is the words you say to a brother. Will you stay with me? Will you be my friend? Will you listen to my story till the very end?”

We help others experience peace when we offer them our presence and attention.

“And even in the wake of tragedy, even then, you might find her. In the rubble of a fallen tower. In the sorrow of your darkest hour. In the hat of a hero. In the loss of a friend.”

Peace can coexist with sorrow and turmoil.

“So offer a cookie, walk away from a fight. Comfort a friend through the long, dark night.” Sing a quiet song. Catch a falling star.”

I think this book is saying that peace is something we can all work to spread. It is something that each of us can offer. When we find needs and meet them, when offer kindness, when we provide our undivided presence (from a safe distance, of course), we are affecting change.

This week, someone sent me flowers for no reason, my neighbor offered to drop off lemon turmeric cake, and my daughter’s cousin sent her a postcard. All of these little offerings helped to spread peace because they got me thinking how we could spread some love too. And if this trajectory continues, peace ought to spread even as the coronavirus continues to disrupt our lives and harm people we love. These are tangible tools we can offer our children, who might be feeling especially powerless and uncertain: 1. Let’s find a need and meet it. 2. Let’s send someone something that will make them feel special. 3. Let’s offer each other our complete attention. 4. Let’s find beauty in every corner of our lives. 5. Let’s provide comfort for someone who is hurting.

“Sing a quiet song. Catch a falling star. May peace walk beside you wherever you are.”

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May… the dreaded month for parents, teachers and students alike. Days and nights are filled with end- of-the-year recitals, projects, AP testing, finals, celebrations and white sheet cake. It can be overwhelming for everyone, but especially students.

Being a high school teacher for nine years, I saw this first-hand. As we inched closer to the last day of school, students became more stressed and overwhelmed. Sometimes, it felt as if that last day of school would never come. The stress accumulated this month of May has the potential to turn into a major problem. .

Though stress in unavoidable, here are some healthy ways to cope with the pressure.

• Ask for help. This is the hardest and best lesson we can learn: don’t think you need to figure everything out on your own. When I was in the classroom, I saw how my students struggled with this. But I worked with them to show the benefits of asking for help. For students this may come in the form of emailing a teacher, forming a study group or asking a friend or parent for help. This seems scary, but I always said to my students, “You aren’t admitting failure by asking for help.  You’re saying, ‘At this time I am not as strong in this area as I would like to be.’”
• Eat a well-balanced diet and drink water. In a time of year filled with late night studying and rushing from event to event, this may be challenging. But it is one of the most important things we can do. Eating a well-balanced meal keeps your body fueled longer, stabilizes your mood and reduces blood pressure. I have found that planning out healthy meals in advance not only keeps me organized for the week, it also guarantees I will eat healthy and resist temptations to just pick up to go food. We hear the advice to drink water all the time, but when we get busy we often forget. Staying hydrated keeps our muscles energized and keeps us from getting fatigued. Keep a water bottle with you at all times. Fill it up when you find a water fountain. Your body will thank you!
• Exercise. Your schedule is jam-packed and you have a million things to do, so how on earth are you going to find time to exercise? The good news is that it doesn’t have to be a multi-hour gym session to get the benefits. The outlines recommended activity amounts for children and adults. I find scheduling your workout into your day and finding a friend or family member to go with you helps keep you on track. So find an activity you love, put it in your calendar and start moving!
• Take a break. This is easier said than done. But so important. Taking a break doesn’t mean giving up on the idea of completing everything that needs to be done, but rather taking a small break to clear your mind to get back into the grind. Take a break, rest your mind, and go outside.

Even taking one of these steps can have great benefits for getting through times of stress.

May is National Mental Health Awareness month. With the number of students experiencing a mental illness on the rise, it is our duty to help our students, children and friends get the help they need and to end the stigma that goes with it. The is a great resource for parents, teachers, and students to use.

How do you deal with stress? Share your tips in the comments below!

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Though overexcitabilities are not, in and of themselves, negative characteristics, they are often discussed as though they are problems to solve. However, there are some wonderful benefits to “experiencing in a higher key.” Because we have talked about and on this blog before, we wanted to take this time to highlight some of the more delightful elements of overexcitabilities in gifted children and adults.

Extreme compassion, empathy, and

Many gifted children have such a deep sense of empathy, compassion, and justice that they will stick up for others, challenge authority figures when authority is unfairly imparted, work toward solving problems they see in the world, take social action, and act as mediators and peacemakers. These are the kids who will make a positive difference in the world, on both small and large scales.

A deeper connection to the world

“Overexcitable children are more receptive and responsive to what they experience. In some areas of their lives, they are extremely perceptive and may be aware of what other people cannot even imagine.” (Meckstroth, 2013, p. 279)

Gifted children and adults with emotional intensity often develop a deep connection to people, animals, nature, places, and objects that have sentimental value for them; Piechowski  (2006) states that this “connection with the world as the place where we live is an important aspect of our emotional development” (p. 5). Emotionally intense individuals also enjoy deep, strong, and loyal friendships.

The ability to delight in simple pleasures

Those with sensual overexcitabilities take delight in what they see, taste, smell, touch, and hear.  The taste of food, feel of nice fabric, sound of music or poetry, and the beauty of art or a sunset can bring these children great joy and comfort.

Desire to think more deeply about and solve world issues and problems

Intellectual intensity as well as the empathy found through emotional intensity combine to propel gifted children’s deep interest in world problems and solutions to those problems. Gifted children “consider the possibilities of how things might be” (Sword) and can work toward achieving that ideal world. They often “search for solutions to known problems, find it difficult to let go of a problem, and identify new questions to be asked.” (Piechowski, 2006, p. 53)

Strong focus

Both Piechowski (2006) and Winner (1996) describe the gifted child’s capacity for intense interest and focus, which Piechowski describes as a “capacity for absorption,” allowing gifted individuals to tune out their surroundings and achieve a state of flow when working on a project or thinking about a topic.

Ability to see multiple sides

Emotional empathy along with intellectual intensity allow deep thinking, internal debate and dialogue, and the ability to see different viewpoints. Dabrowski (1972) described overexcitable individuals as “see[ing] reality in a different, stronger, and more multisided manner…. Enhanced excitability is a means for more frequent interactions and a wider range of experiencing” (p. 7). These abilities can be applied to external situations, or they can be used for individual development, to gain more self-awareness and understanding.

This ability to see issues from multiple sides can also combine with imaginational excitability that helps gifted children work out problems in their mind using creative solutions to result in inventiveness and out-of-the box thinking.

Creativity

Aesthetic and intellectual creativity are often results of imaginational and sensual overexcitabilities. Children who experience the world differently, delight in the beauty of the world, and have active imaginations are often natural creators.

Stress relief

Sensual overexcitability helps us delight in everyday sensual experiences. Psychomotor overexcitability helps us physically expel negative energy through movement. Individuals with imaginational intensity may harness those powers to help create an imagined situation that can bring calm and relieve any tension experienced. Intellectually intense individuals can carry on internal debates, dialogues, and arguments – natural to this form of overexcitability – as a way to vent emotions privately. When gifted individuals are stressed, emotionally tense, or nervous, they can turn to these overexcitabilities for relief.

Let’s help our children see these benefits

In an article on emotional intensity, Leslie Sword concluded, “If emotional intensity is seen and presented positively to gifted children as a strength, they can be helped to understand and value the gift of emotion. In this way gifted children will be empowered to express their unique selves in the world and use their gifts and talents with confidence and joy.” The same can be said for all areas of overexcitability. While not losing sight of the challenges our children face due to their intensities, let us also help them see the positive power of these intensities and embrace them for good.

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This blog article is part of the . Please click on the graphic below (created by Pamela S Ryan–thanks!) to see the full list of Hoagies’ Blog Hop participants.

References

Bailey, C. L. (2010). Overexcitabilities and sensitivities: Implications of Dabrowski’s Theory of Positive Disintegration for counseling the gifted. Retrieved from http://counselingoutfitters.com/vistas/vistas10/Article_10.pdf

Dabrowski, K. (1972). Psychoneurosis is not an illness. London: Gryf.

Delisle, J. R. (2006). Parenting gifted kids: Tips for raising happy and successful gifted children. Prufrock Press.

Meckstroth, E. A. (2013). The asynchrony of overexcitabilities: Advice for parents and teachers. In C. S. Neville, M. M. Piechowski, & S. S. Tolan (Eds.), Off the charts: Asynchrony and the gifted child (pp. 260-281). Unionville, NY: Royal Fireworks Press.

Piechowski, M. M. (2006). “Mellow out,” they say. If I only could: Intensities and sensitivities of the young and bright.  Madison, WI: Yunasa Books.

Sword, L. Gifted children: Emotionally immature or emotionally intense?. Retrieved from 

Winner, E. (1996). Gifted children: Myths and realities. New York, NY: BasicBooks.