鈥淚鈥檓 bored out of my mind鈥� says a piano student who practiced for hours every day under the diligent watch of his parent.

How could someone work so much and be so bored?

People who work and study for the sake of doing, or do it because of external pressure, can burnout quickly. Gifted children, who are highly sensitive and embody various cognitive, physical, and emotional intensities, are more prone to burnout and boredom, as explained in Dabrowski鈥檚 over-excitabilities (OE).

For example, gifted children can concentrate on learning one subject for a long time as long as they are mentally stimulated. This is characterized as psychomotor OE 鈥� a high-energy child. However, if their mind is insufficiently stimulated, or if they already know the subject before class starts, they get bored quickly and lose interest in the subject they are learning. Children with psychomotor OE can often be misdiagnosed as ADHD.

In addition, the thirst for knowledge, or intellectual OE, is a common trait in gifted children. They are deeply curious about the world around them, love to ask probing questions, and can be highly self-critical with their struggles to be 鈥減erfect鈥�. The need to be 鈥減erfect鈥�, which is often measured by test scores and achievement, can be a disastrous recipe for burnout.

Gifted children often struggle with over-developing one aspect of self, while overlooking the rest of who they are. As Dr. Michael Piechowski, author of聽 . 聽eloquently stated, 鈥溾�� cognition without an emotional sense to give it value, positive or negative, is sterile. The passion for learning and mastery, so characteristic of the gifted, is driven by a very powerful emotion: intense interest.鈥�

It is important to recognize that gifted children not only think differently than other children, they also feel differently. Their intellectual complexity combined with their emotional intensity gives them a qualitatively different way of experiencing the world. Nurturing a gifted child鈥檚 body, heart, social and emotional self is key to putting value to their achievement and finding balance.

As parents of gifted children, we all have our own memories of the moment or moments which led to our realization that we had a gifted child. Whether it was the comment of another, the feedback from an evaluation, or our own intuitions, we remember it clearly. Our world changed in that moment, and marked the beginning of our journey into the world of giftedness.

My own journey as a parent began with the birth of a wonderful son, who after his first birthday went from an observant baby to a highly verbal, quite independent, and intense toddler. Since his birth had ushered me into parenthood, I didn鈥檛 have any other benchmarks to compare his development against, but there were times that I noticed that his seemed different from his peers. When my mother would marvel at my son鈥檚 quickly paced development, I shrugged it off as a grandmotherly-bias. However, about 5 years into his life, when a psychologist friend, who also had a child of the same age said to me, 鈥淗e鈥檚 gifted,鈥� the light finally went on for me. This was my moment of realization.

After testing confirmed that he was highly gifted, I threw myself headlong into learning more about this new world that now was my reality. Reading books, attending SENG parent meetings, pursuing various evaluations, seeing therapists and doctors, and researching educational options were part of my life for the next several years. Navigating the 2e path for my second son who came along 18 months after my first, proved to be a little smoother since part of it had already been paved. Now, more than a decade later, I can say that I am still learning as a parent, how to address all the needs that gifted children have: intellectual, educational, emotional, physical, relational, spiritual, etc.

One of the biggest challenges for me as a parent of gifted children, has been learning how to address to their emotional sensitivity and intensity. My bookshelves hold a host of books aimed at parenting sensitive, intense, explosive, inattentive and out-of-sync children. Even though prior to motherhood, I was educated and trained as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I had to dig deep to find new tools and methods to handle what my parenting duties required: navigating huge meltdowns at transitions or changes, soothing the deep anxiety and existential crises that would ward off sleep night after night, or quelling the anger and rage that ensued after a perceived injustice. I remember the relief that came when I learned of Dabrowski鈥檚 research on overexcitabilities, which normalized these responses for gifted children who felt deeply and expressed fully. This knowledge also helped me to adjust my responses to my children鈥檚 behavior; to offer more understanding and empathy, and to work on reinforcing the connection that I had with them, so that when we had rough times, we had a strong foundation to support us. Through these changes, I was able to shift from seeing these challenges as 鈥渋ssues or problems,鈥� and rather to acknowledging them as the gifts that they are, the capacity for deep emotional awareness and relational depth.

As I learned more about giftedness, I began to see more clearly that some of the clients I was seeing as a therapist were raising gifted children, or dealing with their own giftedness as adults. As parents of exceptional children, they expressed feeling exhausted and tired from the non-stop energy of their children, or being overwhelmed with handling intense emotions, or feeling isolated and lonely from those around them who couldn鈥檛 relate to their parenting stories.The mothers described all the energy they were directing towards getting all the necessary support for their children, while desperately being in need of support for themselves.

This became another moment of realization for me. In response to hearing about these needs, I launched A Mother鈥檚 Retreat, a group designed to support the mothers of children with emotional intensity and sensitivity. By providing a safe and nurturing environment, my desire is for each person who attends to be encouraged, supported and to most importantly, know that they are not alone. Taking what I have learned from the past decade, I now have the opportunity to provide for others a unique space where mothers can come together and share their lives, to gain insight, and be refreshed. And so my own journey continues, being informed by what I see and learn as I raise myown children, while listening to the stories of others. Wherever you are along your own unique journey of raising a gifted child, I hope that you have understanding people to encourage, support, and share the road with you.

To learn more about A Mother鈥檚 Retreat or gifted friendly therapy services, go to聽

Michelle Bodwell, LMFT, ATR specializes in providing individual and group therapy for women in all seasons of life. Her goal is to provide each woman with a safe and therapeutic place to explore their feelings, be supported, find creative solutions to problems, and to become a more fully integrated whole person. She is a mother to two amazing gifted sons, who have been by far, her best teachers in life.

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I have only been at 优蜜视频 for six months, but in that time one of the most frequent struggles I have heard from parents is how their child does not fit in socially. This is no surprise, due to the asynchronous development many gifted children experience, which causes them to develop at a different level socially than they do intellectually. This can cause kids to feel 鈥渄ifferent鈥� from their peers, leading to low social self-esteem.

Low social self-esteem is not just a problem for gifted children, but it can manifest differently and more intensely in them. Michelle Muratori, a senior counselor and researcher at the Center for Talented Youth at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, notes in an article for :

鈥淐ompetence and achievement are generally thought to be vital elements of self-esteem and are intertwined with a child鈥檚 evaluation and awareness of his or her own worth, so people may mistakenly conclude that gifted children are exempt from low self-esteem because they appear to be very competent and high achieving.鈥�

Muratori goes on to say that, while gifted children are not necessarily more susceptible to low self-esteem than their non-gifted peers, their self-esteem issues are more likely to be overlooked by others or hidden by the child themselves.

One of the main causes of low social self-esteem in gifted children is what . 聽Kroon notes that many gifted people have a strong need for honesty and transparency, yet many of those considered socially successful are good at knowing what is expected from them to fit in with the norm. They will often choose to protect themselves socially rather than doing what is 鈥渞ight鈥�, which is at odds with the way many gifted children think.

This can make fitting in socially difficult, since belonging to most peer groups requires some conformity. It often leads gifted kids with low self-esteem to believe they have to choose between being accepted by their peers and being true to who they are. Additionally, Kroon notes that, due to the often present, gifted kids tend to be more intense in their feelings. Often, this causes them either to stand out or try to be unnoticed, making them easy targets for teasing and bullies.

鈥淭hese students may unfortunately internalize the message that it is not OK for them to be who they truly are, which may damage their global self-esteem,鈥� said Muratori. Furthermore, , notes that gifted children are not always taught to use their many capabilities to solve the problem and need help obtaining a balanced view of their self-worth in both a social and intellectual context.

Fortunately, there are some things you can do to help your gifted child improve their social self-esteem.

• Find opportunities for them to interact with intellectual peers. Friends are an essential component to boosting social self-esteem. Start by talking to your school鈥檚 gifted coordinator, or connecting with a gifted advocacy group in your state. (优蜜视频鈥檚 Gifted Resource Center has a state-by-state list.) Ask them about social or interest groups that would fit your child. Also, consider inquiring about parent groups, where you can foster connections for both your child and yourself. If there are no groups in your area, some parents have recommended searching online resources and connecting your child with a pen pal. Keep in mind that gifted children may not always find close friends in their age group.
• Help them recognize their contributions. Kroon notes that it is important to remember that your child is a complex person with both intellectual and emotional needs. Help them recognize their contributions in all facets of their life by making a list of accomplishments they are proud of beyond just academics.
• Don鈥檛 let them think everything is easy. that some gifted children develop the idea that, if they are smart, everything will come easily to them. This makes them more likely to quit when something, such as finding a friend group, becomes difficult. Remind them that even the best performers practice a lot and help them develop a manageable plan for overcoming obstacles.
• Seek counseling if the need arises. Sometimes, even with the best parental and teacher support, a gifted child may need counseling to deal with issues related to low social self-esteem, notes .

Hopefully, with a little help and lots of patience, your gifted child will develop a healthy social self-esteem and be able to reach their full potential in all areas of life.

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The gifted brain is a unique place. In fact, it is so unique that many of the complexities of giftedness are still not fully understood. Still, there are some common quirks that have been identified as being associated with the gifted brain.

Overexcitabilities

Dambrowski identified that he believes are strongly connected to giftedness: intellectual, psychomotor, imaginative, sensual, and emotional. These overexcitabilities give gifted individuals some of their unique traits, but can also make it hard to function within a traditional classroom environment.

Psychologist Carrie Lynn Bailey noted in :

鈥�A challenge for gifted individuals is that they can often be viewed negatively, or pathologically, particularly in educational settings.鈥�

So how do you deal with a gifted child with overexcitabilities? An from the California Association of the Gifted suggests a combination of teaching stress management techniques, ensuring clear verbal and nonverbal communication skills and creating a comforting environment can help gifted children manage their overxcitabilites.

Social and Emotional Vulnerabilities

Many gifted children are .聽A passing comment that may seem harmless to you can be crushing to a gifted child, who could internalize and overanalyze it. Because of their high-sensitivity, gifted children often perceive others to have a , leading to social issues, such as interacting and bonding with their peers and teachers.

The article 鈥溾�� 聽highlights the extremes of gifted social and emotional issues. It notes that many gifted kids live in a world that doesn鈥檛 fully understand them, leading them to feel isolated and lonely. The author suggests gifted students should learn in environments that focus not just on their brains, but also the 鈥渇ragility of their hearts鈥�.

(Hoagie鈥檚 Gifted Education Page has a on the social and emotional lives of the gifted for further reading.)

Twice-Exceptional

Twice-exceptional children demonstrate both giftedness and a learning or emotional disability, making them the most under-identified group in today鈥檚 schools, according to the .聽These students are often forced between choosing programs that serve their giftedness or their disability. Consequently, they are often underserved.

This 鈥渜uirk鈥� of the gifted is often difficult to diagnose even by professionals. notes that even those in the gifted community have trouble imagining a gifted child with a learning disability. Luckily there is a growing awareness of 2e and, as a result, more resources available on serving these children.

If your child has been diagnosed as twice-exceptional or you expect they may be, the 2e Newsletter has some for serving 2e students.

Although we still don鈥檛 understand everything about the gifted brain, identifying the quirks and giving students, parents and teachers the tools to deal with them is a win-win for everyone.

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Nicole LaChance聽graduated from Michigan State University聽with聽a B.A. in Journalism before moving West in pursuit of milder winters.聽Prior to joining the 优蜜视频 team, she spent time working in marketing for an architecture firm and completed two years of national service in the AmeriCorps program. Over the past few years she has worked with聽nonprofits to聽communicate their message and impact to the world around them, work she is excited to continue at 优蜜视频. When not at the office, she enjoys reading, cooking, traveling wherever she can and making bad puns.

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Next Meeting:

Speaker: Louise Hindle
Thursday, May 1, 2014
6:30 pm鈥�8:00 pm

Institute for Educational Advancement
569 South Marengo Avenue
Pasadena, CA 91101

Educational discourse and pedagogy seems fascinated with personalized learning. We see it embedded in the Race to the Top Campaign, we see it interwoven in discussions about the effective use of technology in the classroom; what, however, does it mean in policy and practice for gifted students? This talk will conceptualize personalized learning and define some best fit teaching for learning strategies for gifted 2nd through 8th graders.

Louise Hindle is 优蜜视频’s Academy Coordinator. A British import, Louise graduated from the University of Manchester with a B.A. Honors Degree in English Literature and Language, completed her post-graduate teacher training at The University of Cambridge, and has recently completed her dissertation in Educational Leadership and Innovation with the University of Warwick. Louise has 20 years of experience in education as a high school literature teacher, lead teacher, administrator, adviser, and consultant. She is also the parent of three fun and active school-aged children.

Register for the May meeting! (Event has since ended)

Full 2013-2014 Schedule (subject to change):

The Middle & High School Selection Process
Speaker: Bonnie Raskin
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
6:30 pm鈥�8:00 pm

优蜜视频 Learning Center
625 Fair Oaks Avenue, Suite 288
South Pasadena, CA 91030

Bonnie will be addressing the various steps in the middle and high school selection process, including:

• How to find schools that are the right 鈥渇it鈥� for your child
• What goes on at various events such as Open Houses, Shadow Visits, and interviews
• Ways to familiarize yourself with a school above and beyond formal visits
• How to prepare for an interview
• How to enlist and secure strong letters of recommendation

About the Speaker:
Bonnie Raskin is 优蜜视频鈥檚 Caroline D. Bradley Scholarship (CDB) Program Coordinator. She has worked in the admissions offices of multiple Los Angeles area private schools. Working with the CDB program, she offers extensive support to a group of middle school students each year as they apply to and select their CDB high schools.

Addressing the Elephant in the Room: How to Talk About Giftedness
Special Guest Speakers: Sharon Duncan & Dr. Joanna Haase
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
6:30 pm鈥�8:00 pm

South Pasadena Public Library Community Room*
1115 El Centro Street
South Pasadena, CA 91030

Why is it so difficult to talk about gifted? Parents, educators, and politicians resist discussing the needs of gifted children due to fears of being perceived as elitist. This reluctance adversely impacts gifted students in terms of funding, development of services, and willingness of parents to seek out support for their gifted children. This session explores America鈥檚 views and discomfort with giftedness, why it exists, and how we can work collectively to change the misperceptions.

About Sharon Duncan:
Sharon Duncan is the co-founder of Gifted Identity. She provides consulting support to parents, teachers, schools, and districts to help them meet the needs of gifted children. Sharon also consults on homeschooling, decisions, options, and concerns. Sharon is a SENG Model Parent Group facilitator and serves on the Mensa Youth Programming Committee. She spent 26 years working at NASA鈥檚 Jet Propulsion Laboratory before leaving to homeschool her son. Sharon has served on the Board of Trustees of a private K-8 school and as President of the School Site Council at a public elementary school. Sharon regularly presents at schools, school districts, organizations, and state and national conferences on various topics about gifted children.

About Joanna L. Haase:
Joanna Haase, Ph.D., MFT, is a psychotherapist in Pasadena, California, with over 20 years of experience working with gifted individuals and their families. Dr. Haase specializes in eating disorders, anxiety, and depression and is the president and co-founder of California Gifted Network. Partnering with school districts throughout California, Dr. Haase works to educate parents, teachers, and administrators on how to better support gifted and talented students.

Parenting Precocious Kids: Understanding the Ups and Downs of Growing Up Gifted
Special Guest Speaker: Dr. Jim Delisle
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
6:30 pm鈥�8:00 pm

South Pasadena Public Library Community Room*
1115 El Centro Street
South Pasadena, CA 91030

Parents of gifted children and teens have many questions about how best to meet their intellectual and emotional needs. They want to know what giftedness is and the label鈥檚 impact on other family members. They want to know how to advocate for their gifted child in a school setting mired in 鈥渂ringing up the bottom鈥� rather than 鈥渞aising the bar鈥� at the top. They want to know how to set expectations that are appropriate and attainable. And they want to know how to juggle the wide range of emotional intensities that often 鈥渃omes with the territory鈥� in raising gifted kids.

Dr. James (Jim) Delisle has taught gifted children and those who work on their behalf for more than 35 years. Jim retired from Kent State University in 2008 after 25 years of service there as a professor of special education. Throughout his career, Jim has taken time away from college teaching to return to his 鈥渃lassroom roots鈥�, volunteering as a 2nd, 4th, 5th and 8th grade teacher. Too, Jim taught gifted middle school students one day a week in the Twinsburg, Ohio Public Schools. Currently, Jim works part-time with highly-gifted 9th and 10th graders at the Scholars’ Academy in Conway, South Carolina. The author of more than 250 articles and 19 books, Jim鈥檚 work has been translated into multiple languages and has been featured in both professional journals and in popular media, such as The New York Times, People Magazine, and on Oprah!

Feeding The Mind & Heart of Gifted Children
Speaker: Elizabeth Jones, 优蜜视频 President & Co-Founder
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
6:30 pm鈥�8:00 pm

South Pasadena Public Library Community Room*
1115 El Centro Street
South Pasadena, CA 91030

The integration of intellectual, physical, social, spiritual, and emotional aspects of self are crucial in a gifted child鈥檚 development. This talk will explore Dabrowski鈥檚 theory of overexcitabilities and how it connects to supporting the development of the whole child. The theory and practice will demonstrate that, as powerful as the mind of a gifted child is, it will not develop fully without nurturing the heart.

Programs for Gifted Kids
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
6:30 pm鈥�8:00 pm

Institute for Educational Advancement
569 South Marengo Avenue
Pasadena, CA 91101

Come learn about 优蜜视频’s programs for gifted youth! Get more information, ask questions, and find the right program for your gifted child.

College Selection & Admissions for Gifted Students
Speaker: Kate Duey, Certified College Consultant
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
6:30 pm鈥�8:00 pm

Institute for Educational Advancement
569 South Marengo Avenue
Pasadena, CA 91101

Kate will speak about the special issues facing gifted students and their families during the college search and application process. She has worked with 优蜜视频 supporting gifted students since 2009 and has a wealth of knowledge about their unique challenges and their wonderful potential. Kate has a BA from Harvard College and an MBA from Harvard Business School. She earned College Counseling Certification from the University of California, Los Angeles.

Speaker: Louise Hindle
Thursday, May 1, 2014
6:30 pm鈥�8:00 pm

Institute for Educational Advancement
569 South Marengo Avenue
Pasadena, CA 91101

Educational discourse and pedagogy seems fascinated with personalized learning. We see it embedded in the Race to the Top Campaign, we see it interwoven in discussions about the effective use of technology in the classroom; what, however, does it mean in policy and practice for gifted students? This talk will conceptualize personalized learning and define some best fit teaching for learning strategies for gifted 2nd through 8th graders.

Louise Hindle is 优蜜视频’s Academy Coordinator. A British import, Louise graduated from the University of Manchester with a B.A. Honors Degree in English Literature and Language, completed her post-graduate teacher training at The University of Cambridge, and has recently completed her dissertation in Educational Leadership and Innovation with the University of Warwick. Louise has 20 years of experience in education as a high school literature teacher, lead teacher, administrator, adviser, and consultant. She is also the parent of three fun and active school-aged children.

Register for the May meeting! (Event has since ended)

*This activity is not sponsored by the City of South Pasadena or the South Pasadena Public Library.

To receive more information about our Gifted Child Parent Support Groups as it becomes available, please sign up for our email list and be sure to include your zip code.

Lisa is the mother of 3 gifted children and lives outside of San Francisco.

Which of the following is a symptom of anxiety in a gifted child?

a. An eye twitch
b. Pacing in circles
c. Fighting with her mother

The answer?
All of the above.

The eye twitch and the pacing were easy for me. My oldest son鈥檚 eye began to twitch in fifth grade, around the same time he started to disengage at school. Our middle child began pacing in circles around the bathroom in second grade. That was the year that his teacher wrote his name on the blackboard with the word 鈥渢eacher鈥� before it because she thought he was too bossy.

My daughter is the one who fights with me. She is in an ideal educational environment. We fight because I am annoying.

If you met my daughter, you would find her to be an adorable, Justin Bieber-loving 11 year old. And she is. She is also super critical of me. According to my daughter, I clear my throat excessively. I use the word 鈥渟weetie鈥� when I鈥檓 irritated and I make squishing noises when I chew. When I do these things, she tells me to stop. Sometimes she even imitates me.

My daughter鈥檚 need to correct me leads to terrible fights. I can鈥檛 understand why she won鈥檛 overlook my annoying behavior. She doesn鈥檛 know why I keep doing things that irritate her. Usually, I just walk away. That enrages her. She hates it when I walk away.

I don鈥檛 tell many people about my daughter鈥檚 criticism because it makes both of us look bad. It鈥檚 disrespectful. It鈥檚 insensitive. It鈥檚 evidence of my bad parenting skills. And, according to a psychiatrist I know, it鈥檚 a symptom of high anxiety.

About a year ago, I was talking with a psychiatrist about anxiety issues of my own. She went down a laundry list of symptoms. At one point she asked me if I get annoyed easily. I said no, and she seemed surprised. She said that highly anxious people are often irritable. Then I remembered my daughter. I thought about how she hates it when her younger brother cracks his knuckles, when her older brother chews ice or when her father talks with food in his mouth. It occurred to me that my daughter is irritable because she is anxious.

I am the first to admit that I might be fooling myself by thinking that my daughter鈥檚 behavior reflects anxiety instead of permissive parenting because I don鈥檛 want to take responsibility for the behavior. Having said this, I can鈥檛 escape the genetic component of her anxiety. After all, I鈥檓 anxious, and so is my husband. Our sons? Anxious and anxious. Any genetic predisposition she might have received was certainly nurtured by my anxious parenting.

Okay, maybe I lied to the psychiatrist. Sometimes I am irritable. Early in our marriage, I told my husband what to do when I behave this way. When I am at my most unlikable, what I really need is a hug. I need some physical reassurance that I am not bad despite my bad behavior.

We tried it with our daughter. Or more accurately, my husband tried it. In the middle of a particularly bad fight, he waited for her to catch her breath and then asked her if he could give her a hug. Surprisingly, she said yes. Eventually, she would ask for a hug after she made a snarky remark but before we would get into a full blown fight. Those were hard hugs for me to give. It seemed like I was rewarding bad behavior. It did, however, prevent the fight and hasten an apology from her. She always expressed genuine remorse for her behavior after we fought.

I found support for our hug therapy in a blog by Dr. Claudia M. Gold, a pediatrician and author of . According to Dr. Gold, this behavior has to do with the underdevelopment of the higher cortical centers of the brain. Our daughter didn鈥檛 experience early trauma, nor does she have sensory processing problems like the children discussed in her blog. She is, however, intense and highly sensitive like many gifted children. She has almost all of . The way she externalized her intense nature felt like a personal attack, but it was no different from the boys鈥� eye twitching and pacing.

I can鈥檛 say that I鈥檓 entirely at peace with the way our daughter expresses her anxiety, and if I鈥檓 wrong and I am a poor parent, please don鈥檛 tell me. I have found a solution that involves holding my daughter close and giving her a squeeze. My hope is that the memories of the fights will disappear and what she will remember are the hugs.

In what ways do your children exhibit anxiety? How do you handle these expressions of anxiety? Please share with us in the comment section below.

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