Dan Tichenor is a beloved Yunasa Fellow and friend of 优蜜视频. During our virtual Yunasa West session, Dan led a workshop about self-kindness, a topic that seems especially important right now, when everything feels upside down. I conducted an interview with Dan about self-kindness so that our entire community might have access to wisdom on the subject. 

Jennifer: You end all your emails with 鈥渂e kind to yourself.鈥� This has always struck me; it lends a gentleness to all your messaging. It is a simple, powerful reminder in a world full of aggression and urgency. You exude kindness. Do you feel you have more kindness to offer when you are kind to yourself? 

Dan: In the fall of 2008, when I started teaching the Learning Opportunities Program, a self-contained special education class for the lowest cognitive functioning kids in the school district where I worked, I needed to come up with a simple set of rules that everyone could understand. I found these three rules in an article about a school in California with students who came from challenged backgrounds. The story discussed how focusing on these simple rules helped the school achieve behavioral and academic success.

Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. Take care of the place.

Every year we spent a lot of time discussing as a classroom community 鈥� teachers, assistant teachers, and students 鈥� the rights we all shared within the three major categories. From the list of 鈥渞ights鈥� we constructed an 鈥渁greement鈥� that we would all sign. As I observed kids honoring each other鈥檚 鈥渞ights,鈥� I thought it was important they receive recognition. I started a 鈥淜indness Basket.鈥� If I observed someone being kind or doing something kind, I would ask them to write a note describing their behavior and put it in the basket. Periodically we would go through the notes and publicly acknowledge their kindnesses.

I became a Yunasa Fellow in 2007, and I began to introduce mindfulness practices, sitting quietly, deep breathing, and short psychosynthesis exercises into the daily routine at school. It wasn鈥檛 long before I began reminding some of my colleagues, who were often self-critical, to take time to be kind to themselves. It just made sense not to beat oneself up over frustrating situations that are out of our control. I shared these thoughts at faculty meetings. Over time I started using 鈥渂e kind to yourself鈥� as a salutation on e-mails and notes.

In 2018 when Michele and I went to Australia to vacation with our son and his family, I spent some time in a bookstore in Sydney. As is my habit, I browsed the mindfulness section, where I found The Little Book of Kindness by David Hamilton. When I saw that chapter 4 was entitled, 鈥淏e Kind to Yourself,鈥� I bought the book immediately. For me, who had been telling folks for years to be kind to themselves, it was like finding a buried treasure.

It is an amazing source of validation for the positive effects of kindness on both the agent of kindness and the recipient. In the first chapter, 鈥淏iology of Kindness,鈥� Hamilton compares the benefits of kindness to the effects of stress.

What Stress Does                                           What Kindness Does

Increases blood pressure                              Reduces blood pressure

Damages the cardiovascular system                       Protects the cardiovascular system

(Kindness is 鈥渃ardioprotective鈥�)

Can make people unhappy                         Makes people happy

Suppresses the immune system                   Boosts the immune system

Tenses the nervous system                            Relaxes the nervous system

Increases inflammation                                Reduces inflammation

Can trigger depression                                 Can be an antidote to depression

Later in chapter five, he demonstrates how kindness is contagious and has a ripple effect, like dropping a pebble in a pond. The more kindness you give, the more it is reciprocated and paid forward to others.

Jennifer: How do you encourage the gifted kids in your life to be kind to themselves?

Dan: In his book, Hamilton says that 鈥淏eing kind to ourselves is part of valuing ourselves and also gives us more energy to be able to be kind to others.鈥� I explain to kids that self-care impacts our ability to extend kindness to others. We all need to look after our own energy levels to be able to extend energy and kindness to others.

Jennifer: During your Yunasa self-kindness workshop, you emphasize the importance of saying 鈥渘o鈥� as a way of being kind to yourself. Why is saying 鈥渘o鈥� so important during our pursuit of self-kindness?

Dan: Saying 鈥渘o鈥� sometimes allows us to re-energize and recharge so we have the energy to give and be kind.   Hamilton says it 鈥渁llows us to increase and restore mental and emotional energy so that we are able to say 鈥榶es鈥� on many other occasions.鈥�

Jennifer: Why are healthy boundaries important as we strive to be kind to ourselves?

Dan: Healthy boundaries are the safety nets of life. They provide us the opportunity to remain safe when we face choices between risky behavior and appropriate behavior. There are many examples that can be applied regarding drinking, controlled substances, sex, curfew, driving, parties, etc.

Jennifer: I agree wholeheartedly that boundaries are the safety nets of life. I would even take it further and say that boundaries are important during the everyday minutiae as well as when confronted with potentially dangerous circumstances. Boundaries go hand-in-hand with saying 鈥渘o.鈥� When we are maxed out, over-committed, and in need of alone time, saying 鈥渘o鈥� to extra activities (even uplifting activities) can be an act of self-kindness. When we spend time getting to know ourselves, tending to our interior lives through meditation and self-reflection, we become more aware of the boundaries we need to remain healthy.

What are some ways you prioritize self-kindness in your own life? 

Dan: I have been an athletic person my whole life. For me, it is important to have a regular exercise routine. Recently I found I benefit from keeping an exercise log: writing down the various exercises and number of repetitions each time I exercise. It is a self-motivating tool. I limit the amount of sugar snacks and deserts I eat, focusing on healthy eating. I also feel it is very important to practice mindfulness meditations on a regular basis. During the current pandemic situation, Michele and I are both committed to staying healthy by practicing social isolation, wearing masks, not going to stores, etc.

Jennifer: I was kind to myself today when I mindfully enjoyed a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch!

What are some ways gifted kids can interact with their own inner critic?

Dan: Let the inner critic know that everyone makes mistakes. Do your best to rectify the situation, and try not to make the same mistake again. And even if you do, let it go and start over. Just keep going. Practice perseverance.

Jennifer: A mantra can be helpful when standing up to our inner critic, too. For me, it is helpful to notice my critical thoughts as they flit through my mind: I acknowledge them, release them, and return to my mantra or short prayer. I find that my own mantras are helpful all day long. I don鈥檛 necessarily need to be engaged in a session of meditation for my mantras to aid in the redirection of my thoughts.

You are a storyteller. How can the stories we tell about ourselves influence our own self-kindness? 

Dan: Stories provide examples of how we were kind, what happened when we were kind, how we felt when we were kind, how others felt during our kindness, how we took another step on the path of life after stumbling and falling down, and how we are able to reinforce resilience in ourselves and others.

Jennifer: I also think about Stef Tolan (to those of you who don鈥檛 know her, she is a brilliant author, Senior Fellow, and friend of 优蜜视频) who believes in the power of stories as a way of shaping our lives. The way we frame our circumstances can inspire gratitude and contentment rather than despair and resentment. She says, 鈥淚 have whatever I need whenever I need it, wherever I need it, for as long as I need it.鈥�

How have you been kind to yourself today?

Dan: Yes, I have been kind to myself today. I got up early to drive 40 minutes back to our home to get some items we needed that were delivered there. When I got back to our lake house, I completed the outdoor chore I had planned for the day 鈥� spreading fertilizer on the lawn. I had lunch, took a shower, and sat down to complete this kindness project. When I finish, I plan to make chicken chili for dinner. I like to cook.

Jennifer: You usually lead Qi Gong and Labyrinth workshops at Yunasa; how do these practices promote self-kindness?

 Dan: The practice of Qi Gong is mindfulness in motion. It allows me to connect the Qi energy 鈥� life force 鈥� within me. I find it physically and mentally relaxing, especially when I can do it accompanied by Tibetan flute music. Walking in a labyrinth is a meditation in motion 鈥� a mindful journey to the center, focusing on whatever intention one chooses. For me, both practices are relaxing and spiritually stimulating at the same time.

Jennifer: Qi Gong, labyrinths, and psychosynthesis are all modes of meditation and powerful conduits of self-kindness. There have been wonderful discoveries about the effects of meditation and contemplation on the brain鈥檚 neuroplasticity. Typically, our neurons love to latch onto negative thoughts. Rick Hanson, psychologist and author of Buddha鈥檚 Brain says, 鈥淭he mind is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones.鈥� Meditation (or contemplation) orients the brain toward positivity and improves immune functioning (鈥淎lterations in Brain and Immune Function Produced by Mindfulness Meditation,鈥� Richard J. Davidson, et al). This means that our bodies can be physiologically changed by the intentional way we direct our thoughts and breath. Meditation also helps our attentiveness, and attentiveness leads to presence and further self-discovery. In the words of the brilliant poet Mary Oliver, 鈥淭en times a day something happens to me like this 鈥� some strengthening throb of amazement 鈥� some good sweet empathetic ping and swell. This is the first, the wildest, and the wisest thing I know: that the soul exists and is built entirely out of attentiveness.鈥�

So, in the words of Dan Tichenor, be kind to yourself.

Jennifer is a recent addition to the 优蜜视频 staff and attended Yunasa for the first time this summer. 优蜜视频鈥檚 pioneering unite highly able youngsters with experts in the social and emotional development of gifted children. Campers explore and grow the intellectual, spiritual, emotional, social, and physical aspects of their lives.

Yunasa 2014 left me breathless 鈥� perhaps because this was my first Yunasa experience, or perhaps because Yunasa is a special and unique hub of safety, growth, and unparalleled camp-magic. The afternoon of Sunday, July 27, campers began to filter into the conference center of Camp Copneconic in Fenton, Michigan; some brows were knitted, some smiles were uncertain, some faces looked thoughtful. Several of the kids seemed to float, others skipped, many hugged with excited ferocity, quite a few squealed and jumped up and down as they spotted a friend. The older campers 鈥� deemed either EL for 鈥楨merging Leader鈥� or CIT for 鈥楥ounselor in Training鈥� 鈥� whose bonds with one another are indurate after years of Yunasa, dispersed to welcome the younger campers, show them to their rooms, and initiate ice-breaking exercises. Kids who seemed a bit apprehensive were directed to the table of Yunasa Buddies, cuddly stuffed animals donated by staff and campers meant to offer a bit of comfort throughout the week.

On the first night of camp, Newbury Honor Award winner and 优蜜视频 Senior Fellow Stephanie Tolan led a group discussion on her work, Flight of the Raven, the second book in a series about four gifted youth who combine powers to save a violent, troubled world. I was immediately struck by the depth and intelligence of the conversation; the questions the campers asked were interesting and insightful. And so mature. Was I sitting in on a college literature course or was I watching a summer camp unfold?

During the rest of the week, the Fellows offered a variety of workshops about topics such as literary archetypes, the emotional life of the brain, 鈥済ifted gripes鈥�, contemporary music, line dancing, energy healing, and soul collage 鈥� the art of assembling randomly selected pictures torn from assorted magazines into a piece that, once finished, renders an interesting reflection of the artist. Yunasa Fellow Dan Tichenor headed the Rube Goldberg team, a committed group who worked all week to create a highly complicated machine with the sole mission of turning a single page in a book. In twenty years, Dan has seen only one Rube Goldberg machine that actually fulfilled its purpose. This year, the Yunasa team succeeded! The page was turned.

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Each camper was assigned to a psychosynthesis group, which was led by one of the Fellows and met each day to practice guided imagery and mind-calming techniques. Everyone also had the opportunity to participate in Heart of the Matter, a session in which groups were able to discuss the issues they have dealt with throughout the year with Dr. Patricia Gatto-Walden, 优蜜视频 Senior Fellow and licensed psychologist.

Unity amongst the campers began to form on Sunday night, and by Monday, the day of the Opening Ceremony and Spirit Journey, genuine connections were becoming apparent. The solemn respect, acceptance, and love of these campers seemed to permeate the circle surrounding the campfire.

To develop their physical selves, campers participated in various high adventure activities like Creek Freak 鈥� a zipline that sends campers soaring over an expanse of rocky creek, Tower Zipline 鈥� a higher version that catapults the truly courageous from the top of an enormous tower, the Giant Swing, and a high ropes course. Some of the more leisurely activities included fishing, archery, canoeing, and Hammockville 鈥� a glorious conglomeration of trees where campers set up hammocks and relax.

Every Yunasa evening offered a special camp-wide activity. The leadership campers organized a beach party and subsequent campfire…

A movie-themed social…

And a Variety Show.

An ice cream social and the Closing Ceremony were held on the final night of camp.

In a post-camp survey, one of our fabulous leadership campers articulated, “The friendships I have made and inner confidence I have gained has made this year’s Yunasa experience totally valuable in a way that I couldn’t ever have imagined. Even though the past five Yunasas I have been to were amazing and life-changing, this one left me truly speechless.鈥�

For me, watching these incredible kids emerge from their comfort zones to reach out, forge deep friendships, grow emotionally, and take physical risks was an inspiration and a delight.

See more photos from camp!

优蜜视频鈥檚 pioneering unite highly able youngsters with experts in the social and emotional development of gifted children. Campers explore and grow the intellectual, spiritual, emotional, social, and physical aspects of their lives.

In June, 39 campers from across the country came together for Yunasa West at Camp Shady Brook in Deckers, Colorado, for a week of intellectual, social, emotional, spiritual, and physical growth.

The week started off by introducing this year鈥檚 优蜜视频 program theme: The Common Good. As we talked about The Common Good, campers shared what the theme meant to them and how they thought it would be relevant to their camp experience. They described the Common Good as acting unselfishly, doing things for other people rather than yourself, and behaving in a way that promotes the health of the group, even if one鈥檚 own best interest is at stake. We proceeded to establish our rules as a group to prepare for the week as part of a community. Each camper exemplified The Common Good in their actions towards others at camp, respecting one another and making efforts to ascertain that everyone felt accepted.

One exciting highlight at Yunasa West this year involved a workshop on energy healing, which dealt with ways to heal the body using pressure points. The campers engaged in a group discussion with our guests, Dr. Sheila Abichandani and Dr. Arin Balbinder, and then partnered up to put what they learned into action.

Each year, 优蜜视频 Senior Fellows and Yunasa Fellows lead a variety of workshops on topics of high interest to campers, and this year was no exception.

Senior Fellow Stephanie Tolan taught eight participants Reiki, the ability to help or speed healing by putting one鈥檚 hands on the person who is sick or in pain. Campers met in two workshops at the beginning of the week to learn this ancient tool to help others, and the participants actually received certification for their training!

Dan Tichenor, Yunasa Fellow, led a workshop in Mindful Walking through the Labyrinth, which was built by Yunasa West campers in 2013 and resurrected this year. Nature Art was another popular workshop with Dan where campers made cairns, or stacks of rocks, as a protection and landmark for the labyrinth.

Campers experimented with sending and receiving messages nonverbally to other campers and nature using their energy in a popular 鈥淩eaching鈥� workshop led by Senior Fellow Dr. Patricia Gatto-Walden.

Senior Fellow Michael Piechowski led an Intensities workshop where campers discussed intensities and overexcitabilities and how they manifest themselves in the life of a gifted person. Campers broke into psychosynthesis groups to talk about their own personal experiences; after the workshop, many campers said they felt more understood, accepted, and authentic.

And of course, campers took part in traditional summer camp activities such as trail rides, ropes courses, and campfires!

Overall, the week was a fun, successful exploration of campers鈥� unique personalities and a time of growth for our amazing community.

Click on the button below for more photos from camp!

Do you know of a gifted youngster who would be interested in Yunasa or Yunasa West next year? Sign up for our email list to get details on Yunasa 2015 camps as they become available!