depression – Institute for Educational Advancement

Finding Self-Kindness: An Interview with Yunasa Fellow Dan Tichenor

��Ƶ Staff — Tue, 21 Jul 2020 05:19:35 +0000

By Jennifer De La Haye

Dan Tichenor is a beloved Yunasa Fellow and friend of ��Ƶ. During our virtual Yunasa West session, Dan led a workshop about self-kindness, a topic that seems especially important right now, when everything feels upside down. I conducted an interview with Dan about self-kindness so that our entire community might have access to wisdom on the subject.

Jennifer: You end all your emails with “be kind to yourself.” This has always struck me; it lends a gentleness to all your messaging. It is a simple, powerful reminder in a world full of aggression and urgency. You exude kindness. Do you feel you have more kindness to offer when you are kind to yourself?

Dan: In the fall of 2008, when I started teaching the Learning Opportunities Program, a self-contained special education class for the lowest cognitive functioning kids in the school district where I worked, I needed to come up with a simple set of rules that everyone could understand. I found these three rules in an article about a school in California with students who came from challenged backgrounds. The story discussed how focusing on these simple rules helped the school achieve behavioral and academic success.

Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. Take care of the place.

Every year we spent a lot of time discussing as a classroom community – teachers, assistant teachers, and students – the rights we all shared within the three major categories. From the list of “rights” we constructed an “agreement” that we would all sign. As I observed kids honoring each other’s “rights,” I thought it was important they receive recognition. I started a “Kindness Basket.” If I observed someone being kind or doing something kind, I would ask them to write a note describing their behavior and put it in the basket. Periodically we would go through the notes and publicly acknowledge their kindnesses.

I became a Yunasa Fellow in 2007, and I began to introduce mindfulness practices, sitting quietly, deep breathing, and short psychosynthesis exercises into the daily routine at school. It wasn’t long before I began reminding some of my colleagues, who were often self-critical, to take time to be kind to themselves. It just made sense not to beat oneself up over frustrating situations that are out of our control. I shared these thoughts at faculty meetings. Over time I started using “be kind to yourself” as a salutation on e-mails and notes.

In 2018 when Michele and I went to Australia to vacation with our son and his family, I spent some time in a bookstore in Sydney. As is my habit, I browsed the mindfulness section, where I found The Little Book of Kindness by David Hamilton. When I saw that chapter 4 was entitled, “Be Kind to Yourself,” I bought the book immediately. For me, who had been telling folks for years to be kind to themselves, it was like finding a buried treasure.

It is an amazing source of validation for the positive effects of kindness on both the agent of kindness and the recipient. In the first chapter, “Biology of Kindness,” Hamilton compares the benefits of kindness to the effects of stress.

What Stress Does What Kindness Does

Increases blood pressure Reduces blood pressure

Damages the cardiovascular system Protects the cardiovascular system

(Kindness is “cardioprotective”)

Can make people unhappy Makes people happy

Suppresses the immune system Boosts the immune system

Tenses the nervous system Relaxes the nervous system

Increases inflammation Reduces inflammation

Can trigger depression Can be an antidote to depression

Later in chapter five, he demonstrates how kindness is contagious and has a ripple effect, like dropping a pebble in a pond. The more kindness you give, the more it is reciprocated and paid forward to others.

Jennifer: How do you encourage the gifted kids in your life to be kind to themselves?

Dan: In his book, Hamilton says that “Being kind to ourselves is part of valuing ourselves and also gives us more energy to be able to be kind to others.” I explain to kids that self-care impacts our ability to extend kindness to others. We all need to look after our own energy levels to be able to extend energy and kindness to others.

Jennifer: During your Yunasa self-kindness workshop, you emphasize the importance of saying “no” as a way of being kind to yourself. Why is saying “no” so important during our pursuit of self-kindness?

Dan: Saying “no” sometimes allows us to re-energize and recharge so we have the energy to give and be kind. Hamilton says it “allows us to increase and restore mental and emotional energy so that we are able to say ‘yes’ on many other occasions.”

Jennifer: Why are healthy boundaries important as we strive to be kind to ourselves?

Dan: Healthy boundaries are the safety nets of life. They provide us the opportunity to remain safe when we face choices between risky behavior and appropriate behavior. There are many examples that can be applied regarding drinking, controlled substances, sex, curfew, driving, parties, etc.

Jennifer: I agree wholeheartedly that boundaries are the safety nets of life. I would even take it further and say that boundaries are important during the everyday minutiae as well as when confronted with potentially dangerous circumstances. Boundaries go hand-in-hand with saying “no.” When we are maxed out, over-committed, and in need of alone time, saying “no” to extra activities (even uplifting activities) can be an act of self-kindness. When we spend time getting to know ourselves, tending to our interior lives through meditation and self-reflection, we become more aware of the boundaries we need to remain healthy.

What are some ways you prioritize self-kindness in your own life?

Dan: I have been an athletic person my whole life. For me, it is important to have a regular exercise routine. Recently I found I benefit from keeping an exercise log: writing down the various exercises and number of repetitions each time I exercise. It is a self-motivating tool. I limit the amount of sugar snacks and deserts I eat, focusing on healthy eating. I also feel it is very important to practice mindfulness meditations on a regular basis. During the current pandemic situation, Michele and I are both committed to staying healthy by practicing social isolation, wearing masks, not going to stores, etc.

Jennifer: I was kind to myself today when I mindfully enjoyed a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch!

What are some ways gifted kids can interact with their own inner critic?

Dan: Let the inner critic know that everyone makes mistakes. Do your best to rectify the situation, and try not to make the same mistake again. And even if you do, let it go and start over. Just keep going. Practice perseverance.

Jennifer: A mantra can be helpful when standing up to our inner critic, too. For me, it is helpful to notice my critical thoughts as they flit through my mind: I acknowledge them, release them, and return to my mantra or short prayer. I find that my own mantras are helpful all day long. I don’t necessarily need to be engaged in a session of meditation for my mantras to aid in the redirection of my thoughts.

You are a storyteller. How can the stories we tell about ourselves influence our own self-kindness?

Dan: Stories provide examples of how we were kind, what happened when we were kind, how we felt when we were kind, how others felt during our kindness, how we took another step on the path of life after stumbling and falling down, and how we are able to reinforce resilience in ourselves and others.

Jennifer: I also think about Stef Tolan (to those of you who don’t know her, she is a brilliant author, Senior Fellow, and friend of ��Ƶ) who believes in the power of stories as a way of shaping our lives. The way we frame our circumstances can inspire gratitude and contentment rather than despair and resentment. She says, “I have whatever I need whenever I need it, wherever I need it, for as long as I need it.”

How have you been kind to yourself today?

Dan: Yes, I have been kind to myself today. I got up early to drive 40 minutes back to our home to get some items we needed that were delivered there. When I got back to our lake house, I completed the outdoor chore I had planned for the day – spreading fertilizer on the lawn. I had lunch, took a shower, and sat down to complete this kindness project. When I finish, I plan to make chicken chili for dinner. I like to cook.

Jennifer: You usually lead Qi Gong and Labyrinth workshops at Yunasa; how do these practices promote self-kindness?

Dan: The practice of Qi Gong is mindfulness in motion. It allows me to connect the Qi energy – life force – within me. I find it physically and mentally relaxing, especially when I can do it accompanied by Tibetan flute music. Walking in a labyrinth is a meditation in motion – a mindful journey to the center, focusing on whatever intention one chooses. For me, both practices are relaxing and spiritually stimulating at the same time.

Jennifer: Qi Gong, labyrinths, and psychosynthesis are all modes of meditation and powerful conduits of self-kindness. There have been wonderful discoveries about the effects of meditation and contemplation on the brain’s neuroplasticity. Typically, our neurons love to latch onto negative thoughts. Rick Hanson, psychologist and author of Buddha’s Brain says, “The mind is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones.” Meditation (or contemplation) orients the brain toward positivity and improves immune functioning (“Alterations in Brain and Immune Function Produced by Mindfulness Meditation,” Richard J. Davidson, et al). This means that our bodies can be physiologically changed by the intentional way we direct our thoughts and breath. Meditation also helps our attentiveness, and attentiveness leads to presence and further self-discovery. In the words of the brilliant poet Mary Oliver, “Ten times a day something happens to me like this – some strengthening throb of amazement – some good sweet empathetic ping and swell. This is the first, the wildest, and the wisest thing I know: that the soul exists and is built entirely out of attentiveness.”

So, in the words of Dan Tichenor, be kind to yourself.

When I Grow Up: Multipotentiality and Gifted Youth

��Ƶ Staff — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 04:38:29 +0000

By Zadra Rose Ibanez

“When I grow up, I want to be an astronaut, a doctor, a movie star, a teacher, a fireman and president!”

Many gifted students are faced with a dilemma – “I love everything, so which do I choose?” In the 1920’s, Lewis Terman first postulated that many gifted students have difficulty choosing from their many interests and narrowing their focus to a few activities. (6)

What is multipotentiality?

Multipotentiality affects many highly able individuals:

Gifted learners are frequently offered the advice ‘You can be anything you want.’ This may seem desirable for the learner, but for many, this plethora of opportunities amounts to a major crisis. Berger (1989) raises this issue, coining the term multi-potentiality, where the highly capable student participates in many different activities to satisfy their interest. (1, 9)

In their paper “Multipotential Abilities and Vocational Interests in Gifted Adolescents: Fact or Fiction?,” Milgram and Hong conclude that identifying young people with multipotentiality – those who are “interested in many different vocational areas and having the requisite high abilities to succeed in many of them” – may be difficult and that, perhaps, gifted youngsters have “simply reached the ceiling, the highest level measured, in all their subjects” (7). They recommend observing how each individual is spending his or her time during “freely chosen leisure activities.” Milgram and Hong regard the term “multi-potential” as the inability to choose and/or the equal desire and ability to participate in many subjects or areas of interest. Therefore, if an individual indicates a clear preference, or “differentiated interests,” he or she is not demonstrating multipotentiality. If a preference is apparent, the issue of multipotentiality is no longer relevant, according to Milgram and Hong, though not all agree with this point.

What does MP look like?

In A Handbook for Counseling the Gifted and Talented, Barbara Kerr lists characteristics of multipotential individuals. Here are a few (1999, p. 87):

Difficulty with decision-making
Difficulty with follow-through
Excellent performance in multiple subjects or academic areas
Multiple hobbies and activities
Schedules packed with a wide variety of social, recreational, and academic activities as determined by the student (not mandated by the school or encouraged by the parents)
Little free time
Chosen for leadership roles in a variety of groups and organizations
“Occasional signs of stress and exhaustion: absences, frequent or chronic illnesses, periods of depression and anxiety, particularly during busiest times”
“Delay or vacillation about college planning and decision making” in high school

Why does it matter?

MP students often feel confused, lost, and uncertain about direction:

A multipotential student may take a vocational test only to learn that he or she is ‘similar’ in interests and abilities to biologists, librarians, musicians, reporters, English teachers, and ministers. Attaining straight A’s and uniformly high achievement test scores means that the student cannot make decisions based on what he or she ‘does best.’ After graduation from high school, the multipotential student may vacillate between career choices, delaying career decisions until financial need and the end of a nonfocused education drive the student to take a job by default… Parents, teachers, and counselors continue to insist, ‘But you could be anything you want to be!’ not understanding that this is precisely the problem. (1)

Gifted education specialist Tamara Fisher quotes a graduating senior: “‘I find it difficult to choose between careers because I fear how large the choice is. Having many options available is pleasant, but to determine what I will do for many years to come is scary.’” (3)

Pursuing a life of meaning is important to the gifted mind, and selecting a career that provides meaning is difficult for the person whose interests and gifts are extensive and varied. Author Emilie Wapnick notes,

My resume reads like it belongs to ten different people. Music, film, web design, law, business, personal development, writing, dance, sexuality, education– all of these are or have been interests of mine. They come and go (and sometimes come again). Would I have to settle on a ‘practical job’ and pursue my various passions on the side or choose among my interests and just commit to one thing? Both options made my heart ache… I knew I could be doing more – that I had more to offer the world. (4)

How can I help my child master MP?

In “,” Nicholas Colangelo suggested that we help individuals in four ways (2):

Remind students that they do not have to limit themselves to one career.
Use leisure activities as a way to continually develop areas of abilities and interest, apart from one’s career.
Use career counseling as a value-based activity, exploring broad categories of life satisfaction.
Emphasize peer discussions and group work with other multipotential youth so that one can see that he/she is not alone with concerns.

Because gifted individuals often have the ability to excel in many different areas, focusing on values and then discovering activities and career paths that support those values can often provide a more fulfilling and clearer path towards happiness.

In an interview with Charlie Rose in November 2013, James Franco discussed his choice to create art / work that allowed him to combine several of his interests into one project. He stated that he wasn’t trying to do everything; he just wanted to be able to utilize each of the areas he enjoyed at one time.

There is a current trend in hiring towards individuals with multi-faceted abilities. In his book, To Sell Is Human, Daniel Pink says:

Large operations discovered that segmenting job functions didn’t work very well during volatile business conditions—and because of that, they began demanding elastic skills that stretched across boundaries.…When organizations were highly segmented, skills tended to be fixed. If you were an accountant, you did accounting. The same was true when business conditions were stable and predictable. However, in the last decade, the circumstances that gave rise to fixed skills have disappeared. (10)

This is great news for the multipotential individual because it means that various interests can have value in career and artistic endeavors and may be better appreciated than they had previously been.

Do you feel you or your child exhibits multipotentiality? What challenges or opportunities have you experienced because of this? We’d love to hear your story!

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Related post:

References

1. Berger, S.L. (1989) College Planning for Gifted Students. [Online.] Council for Exceptional Children.

2. Colangelo, Nicholas. “.” The University of Iowa, Fall 2002 Newsletter.

3. Fisher, Tamara. “.” Unwrapping the Gifted. Online.

4. “.” Developing Multiple Talents. 7 May 2012. Online. < http://developingmultipletalents.com>

5. Kerr, Barbara. A Handbook for Counseling the Gifted and Talented. 1999.

6. McKay, Robyn. “Career Counseling.” Encyclopedia of Giftedness, Creativity, and Talent. Edited by Barbara Kerr.

7. Milgram, Roberta M. & Hong, Eunsook. “Multipotential Abilities and Vocational Interests in Gifted Adolescents: Fact or Fiction?” International Journal of Psychology 34.2 (1999): 81-93.

8. “” Talent Development Resources. 7 May 2012. Online.

9. Page, Jeremy S. “.” Student Pulse 2.11 (2010): 1/1.

10. Pink, Daniel. To Sell is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others. 2012.

Depression and the Gifted

��Ƶ Staff — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 08:00:00 +0000

By Mark Erlandson

Gifted children are unique in so many ways, but are they unique when it comes to depression? The most cited piece of scholarly literature on the psychological well-being of gifted children is “” (Neihart, 1999). This meta-analysis reviewed dozens of findings, primarily from research conducted in the 1980’s and 1990’s, in the areas of giftedness and self-concept; depression, anxiety and suicide; social competence; deviant behavior; and psychiatric disorders. The first piece of good news is that Neihart found that gifted students did not have any higher levels of depression than their non-gifted peers nor, after some early findings to the contrary, that there was any higher prevalence of either suicide attempts or ideation among gifted adolescents. Next, the meta-analysis concluded that anxiety levels among gifted children were actually lower relative to their non-gifted peers. Finally, the research concluded that any connection between giftedness and self-concept was inconclusive, given the variety of factors that affect self-concept. (There was, however, some evidence to suggest that students in segregated gifted classrooms had lower self-concepts than those in only part-time classrooms.)

On the issue of social competence, Neihart found that the gifted population was diverse and that whether a particular child had the necessary social skills to cope depended on “their specific domain of talent, their degree of giftedness, and their self-perceptions or other personal characteristics.” Specifically, he found that the verbally gifted felt less socially accepted and self-important than the mathematically gifted and the extremely gifted were more at-risk than the moderately gifted.

Finally, the author concluded, “Intellectually or academically gifted children who are achieving, and participate in special educational program [sic] for gifted students are at least as well adjusted and are perhaps better adjusted than their non-gifted peers. These children do not seem to be any more at-risk for social or emotional problems. It is clear then from the research that giftedness does influence psychological outcomes for people, but whether those outcomes are positive or negative seems to depend on several factors that interact synergistically. These factors are the type and degree of giftedness, the educational fit or lack thereof, and one’s personal characteristics.

That’s the good news. Now for the bad. First, some researchers question the methodology of Neihart’s study arguing that some segments of the gifted population were underrepresented.

Next, some research, in particular a study by (Supporting the Educational Needs of the Gifted), suggests that gifted children may be more likely to suffer emotional or social difficulties because of their “overexcitability,” perfectionism, and other differences from the norm. “Poorness of fit” of educational programming was identified in the SENG study as a major component leading to a depressive state because of the ensuing social isolation.

Gifted children appear to be especially susceptible to a type of depression called “existential.” Existential depression occurs when a child (or adult, for that matter) confronts the big issues of life like death, freedom, isolation and the meaning of life. It is sometimes called “what’s the point” depression. Though sometimes the result of a major loss, the belief is that gifted children are more prone to this type of depression because they, on their own, reflect more often on these issues rather than on the more superficial aspects of our day-to-day existence.

Additionally, that highly gifted children are extremely adept at masking the symptoms of depression. Those symptoms include social withdrawal, acting out in an immature manner, “the acute intellectualization of all phenomena, and highly focused pursuits that preclude engaging in a broader social context.” Often, there is a physical component as well, such as ill health and loss of appetite. Gifted children try to hide these symptoms both out of a sense of shame and failure and their perception that they need to protect others from their emotional state as well as the belief that others just would not understand.

What should be done about those gifted students who do struggle with psychological disorders? Early intervention is critical. Treatment for major depression usually includes psychiatric consultation and medication and psychotherapy. Because of the unique attributes of a gifted child, researchers advise finding a clinician familiar with these children. Gifted children who are suffering from “existential” depression are aided by knowing that others, including adults, have similar experiences. Touch is also helpful, whether a hug or just a fist bump. Ultimately the studies returned to the conclusion that a compatible educational fit and a connection to other highly gifted teens create the best possible circumstances for good emotional health.

And, after all, isn’t that what the ��Ƶ is all about?

Mark Erlandson, the parent of a gifted student who presently attends a boarding school out East, is a former lawyer and public high school English teacher from Wisconsin starting a new business as a legal writing consultant.