It has been a year since the pandemic caused havoc, chaos and culminating to eventual acceptance that this will be our norm for now, full of anxiety and stress. Most children and families have adjusted to our pandemic norm, from online learning, zoom meetings, parents/guardians turning into homeschool teachers whilst working from home, and having to adhere to safety protocols on a daily basis, whether taking a walk outside your neighborhood, or going into the grocery store.

Because of such added stress and anxiety, parents and children need some type of support, activity or other types of de-stressors to be able to cope.

Below are some articles, podcasts, reading materials to help parents and their children on how to cope and maintain a healthier social, emotional and mental well being: from tuning in to funny and silly podcasts to alleviate or ease the tension and sadness, to hearing and learning how children can be supported emotionally. These resources are found on our Gifted Resource Center webpage.

This is a podcast about raising kids who love learning. Listen to how others help inspire kids to view their world with play, passion and fascination. Podcasts such as talks about self-care and that parents must take care of themselves in order to take care of their children. But what about our kids, especially those who are gifted and twice exceptional? How do we help them learn coping skills and emotional regulation? How do we help them identify what they need to take care of their own bodies and souls?

The Deep End is a blog written by Stephanie Tolan, which she hopes will help create a space to discuss the needs and challenges of being a gifted child. A recent blog post 鈥淲ellbeing 鈥� A No Limits Approach鈥�, talks about what does wellbeing mean to children with non-ordinary minds and non-ordinary needs, and more than that鈥攃hildren living, suddenly, like the rest of us, in utterly non-ordinary times

The Fringy Bit is a website started by the parents of three 鈥渇ringy鈥� kids. They use this term to describe children who are gifted and those who experience other forms of neuro-diversity. Through their website, they have created a blog and podcast, focusing on creating a community for the parents of gifted children. Heather Boorman has a background in clinical social work, and her husband Jonathan is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Enjoy their bonus podcast episodes on 鈥淨uarantine Quips鈥�, that include short episodes talking about strategies, support, silliness and whatever else comes of Heather and Jon鈥檚 mouths and minds.

Help your gifted child embrace their uniqueness. In this workbook, a therapist offers fun activities and strategies to help children ages 7 to 12 boost self-confidence, reduce stress and overwhelm, and balance emotions.

Designed to provide support for the difficult job of parenting and teaching gifted children, “Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students: Helping Kids Cope With Explosive Feelings” provides the resource parents and teachers need to not only understand why gifted children are so extreme in their behavior, but also learn specific strategies to teach gifted children how to live with their intensity.

This blog provides resources for gifted children who struggle with anxiety. In addition to posts and discussions specific to giftedness and anxiety, the site also offers a purchasable 鈥淭aking Time for Me鈥� journal to help children manage their anxiety through mindfulness and gratitude.

TiLT Parenting was founded in 2016 by Debbie Reber as a podcast and community aimed at helping parents raising differently-wired kids do so from a place of confidence, connection, and joy. Debbie is passionate about the idea that being differently wired isn鈥檛 a deficit 鈥攊t鈥檚 a difference. She hopes to change the way difference is perceived and experienced in the world so these exceptional kids, and the parents raising them, can thrive in their schools, in their families, and in their lives. Check out the podcast with Dr. Michele Borba on 鈥淗ow to Help Kids Thrive in an Anxious World鈥�.

Understood is dedicated to shaping a world where millions of people who learn and think differently can thrive at home, at school, and at work. Several featured resources are available such as 鈥淗ow to help your child manage a fear, 6 signs your child is resilient鈥�.

This book by Allison Edwards guides readers through the mental and emotional process of where children鈥檚 fears come from and why they are so hard to move past. Edwards focuses on how to parent a child who is both smart and anxious. She brings her years of experience as a therapist to offer fifteen specially designed tools for helping smart kids manage their fears.

Additional Resources:

CDC鈥檚 Stress and Coping webpage provides resources and information on how to deal and cope with stress, such as coping with job stress, adults experiencing stress from Covid-19, responding to loss, and coping and support for children.

CDC developed the to help support parents, caregivers, and other adults serving children and young people in recognizing children and young people鈥檚 social, emotional, and mental health challenges and helping to ensure their well-being.

Defining 鈥淕ifted鈥�:

There are many , none of which are universally agreed upon. However, 优蜜视频 advocates for this definition:

鈥淕iftedness is asynchronous development in which advanced cognitive abilities and heightened intensity combine to create inner experiences and awareness that are qualitatively different from the norm. This asynchrony increases with higher intellectual capacity. The uniqueness of the gifted renders them particularly vulnerable and requires modifications in parenting, teaching and counseling in order for them to develop optimally.鈥� 鈥� Columbus Group, 1991

Similar to how students can experience gaps in learning (for example, a student enrolled in calculus who is unable to solve basic geometry problems), children who develop asynchronously may experience 鈥済aps鈥� between their intellect and other parts of self. One such occurrence is found in learners who encounter psychomotor setbacks with coordination or writing skills, despite their deep intellectual capacity. Often, gifted learners experience frustration and a widening gap between their intellect and their social and emotional behavior. Because asynchrony often creates these developmental gaps, it is crucial to provide appropriate resources and opportunities that best identify, challenge, and assist each gifted child鈥檚 specific needs.

is an extremely common characteristic in gifted children and adults. Children who feel things with great intensity experience the world in a different way. Gifted young people are often more aware of, stimulated by, and affected by their surroundings. Emotional or physical reactions to events can last longer than expected and are often replayed in the child鈥檚 mind. Kazimierz Dabrowski coined the term 鈥渙verexcitabilities鈥� to describe intensities in five domains: intellectual, imaginational, sensual, psychomotor, and emotional.

More than Achievement

It is a common myth that gifted children automatically perform well in traditional school environments. 聽Gifted children are not intrinsically motivated by good grades; they are more passionate about the acquisition of knowledge than performing rote tasks. This causes a problem when the school structure and grades rely on repetition and memorization. Bored, unchallenged students may disengage from聽the learning process, which can lead to 聽or聽academic failure.

More than a Test Score

Though testing can be a helpful source of information to assess students鈥� abilities, it does not give a full picture of who the students are, what they care about, and what they are capable of accomplishing. Many factors, including learning disabilities and developmental asynchronies, can profoundly affect a student鈥檚 scores. It is important to look beyond GPAs and IQ scores when assessing a child鈥檚 gifts.

Feeding their Minds

Gifted students learn differently from their age mates: they learn at an accelerated pace; delve into topics of interest with greater complexity, scope, and depth; and approach learning from a more intuitive and sensitive point of view. They thrive on discovery for learning and the flexibility for exploration to feed their ravenous hunger for knowledge. Just as the human body needs nourishment to survive, the gifted child鈥檚 mind needs to be fed. When gifted kids are not learning, they often become anxious, worked up, and tired.

Highly gifted kids will typically change educational environments several times over the course of their K-12 education in an attempt to find the right accommodations or fit between the school system and the student. When a highly gifted child is successful in a single school system, it is often thanks to acceleration.

is an extremely viable option for students who need additional challenge in the classroom. This can take several forms, including grade-skipping, single-subject acceleration, or classwork performed in more depth or at a quicker pace. are also becoming a more viable option. If your child鈥檚 school will allow use of such resources, take them up on it.

Needs beyond the Academic

Gifted children are more than their minds. While intellectual challenges are necessary to keep one engaged, gifted children need more than intellectual stimulation to thrive. Along with advanced intellectual capacity, these individuals also have social, emotional, spiritual, and physical needs. Children with unusually advanced intellectual abilities are uniquely vulnerable to social and emotional challenges stemming from their asynchronous development, which can make it difficult to navigate a world that does not readily understand them.

Gifted students not only think differently, they feel different from their age-level peers. Children who are significantly different from the norm are in need of differentiated programs designed specifically to meet their unique needs.

. They聽notice聽differences between themselves and their classmates; they have different vocabulary, different interests, a deep passion for learning, and endless curiosity that they don鈥檛 see often in their age mates. This can be confusing to them, especially during聽the early years of school. It is important, therefore, for them to be with other gifted children and understand that they are not alone.

Understanding and acceptance of giftedness 鈥� and the unique joys and challenges that accompany it 鈥� is crucial during childhood and adolescence, as these are critical stages of development.

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This post is part of . Check out all of the other great blogs participating in Hoagies鈥� August聽Blog Hop!

Lisa is the mother of 3 gifted children and lives outside of San Francisco.

Four years ago, I sat in the library of my children鈥檚 school and said a small prayer.

鈥淧lease don鈥檛 let that happen to us,鈥� I thought.

I was listening to a psychiatrist talk about anxiety. He said that during adolescence a child鈥檚 hormones can amplify stress and anxiety, causing depression. As predicted, the hormones came, my son鈥檚 anxiety got worse and he became depressed.

Maybe I should have been more proactive and made choices for my son that would have reduced his stress and anxiety. Instead, we let him make choices that satisfied some of his personal ambitions but exacerbated his anxiety. We let him leave his support system and travel across the country to go to boarding school. The move fulfilled his desire to explore new interests, have new experiences and challenge himself. It also made his undiagnosed depression worse.

As a parent, what do you do when you think trouble is coming? Do you make decisions for your child, knowing that you have the experience to anticipate the consequences? Or do you let your child make decisions that will help him to discover who he is, even though it might come at a substantial price? The child who elicited my silent prayer has a big personality. As a child, he was loud, independent and adventurous. Unlike our oldest son, who did not want to leave our arms, our middle child cried until we put him down. A lover of novelty and adventure, he wrote a high school admissions essay about a holiday celebrating rollercoasters. The day would 鈥渞emind people to enjoy the journey.鈥� You would never know that he is also highly sensitive.

Anxiety, sensitivity, independence and an adventurous spirit; all of these characteristics seemed to be baked into our son at birth. They also fight against one another, as adventure creates anxiety and sensitivity requires support. The qualities that led my son to his depressed state are not going to go away. So, what can I do to ease his journey? I asked him.

He didn鈥檛 know how to respond until he found himself on the other end of the conversation. A friend came to him to confess that he was depressed. As my son thought about what to do, he went quickly through a list of don鈥檛s. Don鈥檛 say that you understand what the other person is going through because you don鈥檛. Don鈥檛 say that things will get better because when you are hurting, you believe that it will never get better. Instead, my son said something that I think about every day. He told his friend:

鈥淚f you never get better, if you are always sad, nothing will change between us. I care for you as much today in your sadness as I did when you were happy. You don鈥檛 have to change. We will always be good.鈥�

His expression of unconditional love and acceptance stunned me. I thought he would share strategies that worked or connections that sustained him. Instead, my son accepted his friend as he found him. He not only refused to offer advice but also absolved his friend of the responsibility to 鈥済et better鈥� for his sake.

I am not suggesting that parents just sit back and watch their child get depressed. My son needed a professional to help him find a way out of the dark. But, I also learned that every well-meaning comment intended to help him imposed a burden of its own. He told me as much a year ago when I held him in my arms as he cried. Desperate to find something to make him feel better, I reminded him that he was home and I was with him.

鈥淒oes that make you feel a little bit better?鈥� I asked.

鈥淣o,鈥� he said. 鈥淚 know that I am making you sad, and that makes me feel worse.鈥�

Our children know what we want for them. We want them to be happy. Yet, we know their gifts may come with , emotional , or social isolation, all of which make reaching this goal difficult. We think we know how to help them cope with a potentially cruel world; if they would just modify their behavior in one way or another, we are sure that things will be better. In the process, we are sometimes communicating to them our dissatisfaction with who they are. Maybe we could just put aside our goals for them and help them understand themselves and be themselves. Maybe every challenge doesn鈥檛 need a strategy, a pep talk or a class. Maybe they need to know that we don鈥檛 need them to change. Maybe the most important thing for them to know is that together, we will always be good.

Lisa is the mother of 3 gifted children who lives outside of San Francisco.

I feel responsible to a number: my son鈥檚 IQ score. I鈥檝e spent 9 years struggling with my relationship to it. I鈥檝e gone from feeling absolved of any responsibility to taking full responsibility for what the number means for his future. Eventually, I found a peaceful place in which the number and I can coexist. I just needed to see his IQ score for what it is: an invitation to challenge my assumptions about what giftedness means and to educate myself about my son鈥檚 needs.

I received my son鈥檚 IQ score by accident. I shouldn鈥檛 have been surprised; after all, I hired a psychologist to have him assessed. She told me that she was going to give him a test to 鈥渟ee how he learns.鈥� She was, after all, an expert, and I needed help. I had no idea that this was her euphemism for an IQ test.

I contacted the psychologist when my son was in kindergarten. He was multiplying and dividing large 鈥渄efense鈥� and 鈥渁ttack鈥� points while 鈥渄ueling鈥� with his older brother during Yu-Gi-Oh games. At the same time, my son鈥檚 intense nature took a turn for the worse. He cried every day on the walk to school. The timing of these two events made me wonder if his mathematical talent was connected to the distress he experienced on the way to school. It seemed coincidental, but I wasn鈥檛 sure.

My husband and I talked about what to do. I thought he should be tested. I had no idea what he should be tested for, but I was sure that there was some sort of test that could help me better understand my son. My husband made a prophetic statement. He said, 鈥淏efore you get him tested, you should know what you are going to do with the information.鈥� I thought he was crazy. How could I know what to do聽before I got the results?

When I聽received the results, I still had no idea what to do with them. Everyone else, however, thought they knew exactly what they meant and what I should do. According to my friends, my son was 鈥渃ream,鈥� as in 鈥渢he cream will rise to the top.鈥� Homework would be easy, GPAs would be high, and I didn鈥檛 need to do anything. The teachers at my son鈥檚 public school seemed to agree with this assessment. Their idea of differentiating the curriculum for him required no work on their part. They assigned projects and expected my son to extend and enhance them on his own. I call this type of differentiation 鈥渟mart kids will act smart.鈥� He didn鈥檛 oblige, so I changed tactics.

I swung wildly to the other extreme and took full responsibility for ensuring that the promise indicated by the number was realized. We hired tutors and subscribed to online learning courses. We enrolled him in an independent school for gifted children. After all, if the IQ number represented my son鈥檚 ability, then a subpar GPA or SAT score would reflect an inadequate educational or family environment, right? This view of his IQ score fit my “middle child” sense of responsibility perfectly. It just wasn鈥檛 true.

The substantial resources we directed to my son鈥檚 education turned out to be money and time well spent, though not exactly for the reasons I expected. I was not guaranteeing excellence; I was addressing challenges. I needed to reevaluate my assumptions about my son鈥檚 education much the same way that parents with children who have learning differences need to adjust their expectations about their children鈥檚 needs.

It turns out that his emotional intensity is connected to his gifted intellect. His sensitivity to sensory stimulation exhausted him and made him irritable. His aptitude for pattern recognition caused him to overcomplicate simple tasks. His classmates鈥� reaction to his developmental asynchrony caused him to 鈥渄umb-down鈥� his performance. When we changed his environment, he found peers who were similarly excited about learning and teachers who understood his occasional outbursts and celebrated his creative problem solving. He developed new passions and let some of his anxieties go.

With the help of organizations like the 聽that study and support gifted children, I learned about my son鈥檚 needs. I still get it wrong, and it鈥檚 those stories I like to聽share because I learn more from my failures than my successes. As part of the gifted community, I think it is our responsibility to share our stories so that we feel less isolated. So, I鈥檒l start with this story, because I am, above all, very responsible.

What was your experience when you first found out your child is gifted? Please share with us in the comment section聽below!

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