Designate quiet time and spaces

Many gifted children and adults identify as introverts and gather energy from time spent alone. Add sensual intensities into the mix and this quiet time becomes even more important. When expecting a full house for the holidays, plan ahead and make sure that everyone has a safe haven to retreat to and time to recharge before jumping into the next group activity.

Divide and conquer

You don’t need unanimous participation to plan activities for a large crew. Have different options available to meet a wide variety of interests. Maybe a group will go sledding for an afternoon while another stays home and plays a strategic board game. There will be plenty of time to catch up over dinner and more stories to share after a day of multiple adventures!

Start a new tradition

Family traditions can be fun, but sometimes the pressures of recreating happy memories can overwhelm the excitement of celebrating now. If a tradition is creating more stress than satisfaction, now may be the perfect time to consider starting a new tradition that helps you and your family maintain your sanity. With that in mind, don’t be afraid to…

Take chargeĚý

If you’re tired of being the “wet blanket” or constantly finding yourself outside of your comfort zone, try suggesting an activity that you love to the rest of the group and volunteer to arrange the details. By initiating group plans you can have better control over the where, when, and how without having to make excuses or sit one out. Plus, if everyone ends up loving it as much as you do, you may have just started a new holiday tradition that everyone can help plan next year!

If you are the guest

Remember that you control the duration of your visit. Decide how long is long enough and stick to it. The holidays are a busy time for everyone; hopefully your family or friends will understand that you and your family’s time is valuable and will appreciate that you’ve elected to share some of it with them. If you are able, consider staying at a hotel and/or renting your own car. Having a space that you can retreat to and get a good night’s sleep will make your visit much more enjoyable, as will the freedom to come and go as you please.

Surround yourself with good cheer

Seek out the people in your life who make you feel better and avoid those who contribute to feelings of anxiety and unhappiness. Since the holidays are filled with obligations, you may find yourself in close proximity with one of your “trigger-people,” but that is all the more reason to block out time to spend with the people who make you feel good and whole. Remember, balance is key.

Get moving!

Physical activity releases endorphins in the brain and can be an instant pick-me-up. Plus, by scheduling time to exercise, you’re also designating “me-time” to recharge away from the stressful people and situations that abound. This is especially important for children with psychomotor intensity.

Don’t set unreasonable expectations for yourself

When everyone around you is singing about “being merry” and “goodwill toward men,” it can be easy to chastise yourself for feelings of stress and unhappiness. Remember that it is okay to acknowledge these (totally rational) feelings and that you don’t always have to be “on.” Allow yourself time to feel sad, overwhelmed, or frustrated so that you can move on and celebrate during the moments that count.

Don’t have unrealistic expectations of others

Albert Einstein once said, the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” You know your friends and family – don’t expect them to change just because the air’s a bit chillier and the department stores are decorated. Know what to expect from your loved ones over the holidays, and you’ll be better able to prepare for when you see them. And if you’re pleasantly surprised by a helpful gesture or newfound sensitivity, so much the better!

Remember why you’re putting yourself through all this

The holidays can be stressful, but there’s a reason why we do it every year. This season is a time for compassion, so try to exercise that last bit of patience in the face of frustration. If you are opening your home to extended friends and family, remember that you don’t often get the opportunity to see them and that, before you know it, their visit will be over and you will be missing them again.

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Several years ago, as I was looking for content to share on ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ’s social networks one day, I stumbled across a . I found myself captivated by everything she was saying. She discussed introverts in an extraverted world, and I felt like she was speaking directly to me. I knew that a higher percentage of gifted kids are introverted than is the case for the general population, and it made me think about how many of our kids – and their parents – would feel the same sense of relief, self-understanding, and self-acceptance that I felt after hearing what Susan Cain had to say in that talk.

From that moment, I knew I needed to learn more about introversion, and most of the articles I casually came across on the subject referenced Cain’s book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. Upon reading that book, I realized why: Cain discusses introversion in relatable, understandable ways that bring value to a wide variety of audiences.

I continue to find myself thinking about and referencing Quiet, even though years have passed since I read the book, so I wanted to share its value with those of you who have not had the pleasure of reading it yet.

What Is In the Book

Quiet explores many aspects of introversion and extroversion from scientific, historic, cultural and social standpoints. Cain discusses:

• Both introversion and extroversion, explaining that one is not better than the other, but rather different.
• The difference between introversion and shyness, helping to dispel the myth that all introverts are shy.
• Famous introverts and how they harnessed their “power” as introverts to become successful.
• The science and history behind introversion.
• Other traits associated with introversion.
• The cultural context of how introversion and extroversion are viewed.
• How we deal with these traits.
• To what these traits translate.

The book is not trying to prove that introverts are better. Instead, it discusses that introversion is valuable – that introverts and extroverts each bring important dynamics that are valuable together – but that right now introverts are being squelched, so she is speaking up for them.

Why I Recommend It, Even for Extroverts

I highly recommend this book to introverts as well as extroverts who love and/or work with introverts. This book is a great one for parents of gifted children who are introverts, which is a great many of you. It is also good for teachers, who are charged with shaping young minds in an environment most often suited for extroverts.

Cain is extremely informative about the science and history behind her arguments while still keeping the tone of the book fairly conversational most of the time. Cain references a great deal of academic research that helps lend credibility to her perspective but often relies on stories to truly illustrate her points. I know she’s credible because she proves she’s done her research, and I understand her points easily because she makes them human and relatable. This is a difficult balance to strike, but Cain does it extremely well.

Additionally, you can put as little or as much thought into this book as you want. You can simplyĚýread what Cain writes and get a fairly good understanding of introversion. If you want to learn more, Cain references many studies throughout the book that you can explore. You might also use the book as a jumping off point for a great deal of inner reflection, which is what I did a great deal; I thought quite a bit about how I do or don’t fit into the picture Cain paints of introverts, resulting in a lot of underlining and notes in the margins.

The book is primarily written for introverts – to empower them to be themselves, to help them learn about themselves, and to teach them how introversion, a trait not traditionally embraced in our culture, can be used positively in many situations. However, as Cain points out, we do live in a society with an “Extrovert Ideal”. Clearly understanding the difference between introverts and extroverts as well as knowing what introverts can bring to the table is useful for everyone, regardless of where you fall on the introvert-extrovert spectrum. The book also addresses introvert-extrovert relationships, which makes the book valuable for those extroverts who have close relationships with introverts, including significant others, parents, children, and close friends.

It is so important for us to teach our kids that they should be themselves, but our culture values extroversion so highly that it is difficult for our introverts to understand the value of this trait. Let’s understand introversion and extroversion better so we can help our children embrace who they are and the strengths they bring to the table.

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