One of the questions we routinely ask applicants during an interview for a position with 优蜜视频 is: 鈥淗ow do you deal with stress?鈥�

If one were to ask me that, I would have several answers鈥攖ake deep breaths, go for a walk, or listen to music, for example鈥攂ut the answer that would describe the tactic that is first and most effective for me would be, 鈥淛ournal about the situation.鈥�

My good friend鈥檚 father is a very wise, very prominent businessman. One piece of advice I will always remember from him is, 鈥淚f you are mad, write a letter. Don鈥檛 mail it. Put it in your desk drawer and sleep on it. If you are still mad the next day, then you can mail it, but usually by then, you won鈥檛 want to.鈥�

Writing things down is a way to get situations and feelings out and to express them, to see them in a new light. The very act of writing is cathartic. In , Mary Gordon says:

Writing by hand is laborious, and that is why typewriters were invented. But I believe that the labor has virtue, because of its very physicality. For one thing it involves flesh, blood and the thingness of pen and paper, those anchors that remind us that, however thoroughly we lose ourselves in the vortex of our invention, we inhabit a corporeal world.

There are many ways to journal; travel-writing, write on a topic, describe yesterday, scribble thoughts of your future goals, aspirations, hopes and fears. One of the most effective ways for me to journal is . One example of this is the Morning Pages, made popular by Julia Cameron in her seminal book, The Artist鈥檚 Way (1992). In it, she says, 鈥淧ut simply, the morning pages are three pages of longhand writing, strictly steam-of-consciousness: 鈥極h, god, another morning. I have NOTHING to say. I need to wash the curtains. Did I get my laundry yesterday? Blah-blah-blah鈥︹�欌��

Cameron assures us, 鈥�There is no wrong way to do morning pages. These daily morning meanderings are not meant to be art. Or even writing. I stress that point to reassure the nonwriters鈥ages are meant to be, simply, the act of moving the hand across the page and writing down whatever comes to mind. Nothing is too petty, too silly, too stupid, or too weird to be included.鈥�

One key to getting the most out of Morning Pages is that they do not need to 鈥渟ound smart鈥�, and they are not meant to be read. By anyone. Including you. You shouldn鈥檛 read them yourself for at least two months, if ever. The point is to get the thoughts out, not to analyze them.

It doesn鈥檛 matter whether you are a writer or a carpenter, there is something useful in journaling. As Brenda Ueland said, 鈥渨riting is talking, thinking, on paper. And the more impulsive and immediate the writing the closer it is to the thinking, which it should be鈥�.It has shown me more and more what I am 鈥� what to discard in myself and what to respect and love鈥� (If You Want to Write, 1938).

So, as a method of meditation or stress-management or introspection, I invite you to write. As Julia says, 鈥淛ust write three pages, and stick them into an envelope. Or write three pages in a spiral notebook and don鈥檛 leaf back through. Just write three pages鈥nd write three more pages the next day.鈥� And please, let me know as it helps you create peace in your day.

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Lisa is the mother of 3 gifted children and lives outside of San Francisco.

鈥淩aising Successful Children鈥濃�攚ho could resist that title? I immediately began to asses my parenting skills after I saw in the Sunday New York Times. According to Dr. Levine, parents spend too much time focusing on academic success and not enough time fostering 鈥渁uthentic success.鈥� Authentic success comes when parents hang back and allow their children to make mistakes so that they can develop the resilience they need to handle the difficulties of life.

As I considered Dr. Levine鈥檚 advice, I was struck by two thoughts. First, what do you do if your child is the one who is overly focused on academic success? And second, when is it okay to interfere in your child鈥檚 academic experience? My husband and I faced both of these questions last year. In answering these questions, we came to a powerful conclusion: helping your gifted child develop resilience is a nasty business.

Last September, our 13-year-old son left his 17-year-old brother, 10-year-old sister, and both parents to attend an elite boarding school on the east coast. The school had classes and resources that were unavailable locally. As a boarding student, he could devote all of his free time to his studies and extracurricular activities without worrying about family commitments. He even received a scholarship to pay for the tuition. He saw an educational nirvana. We saw the end of our parental influence.

So, Madeline Levine, is this where we are supposed to hang back? We did. We let him decide. He didn鈥檛 hesitate. We were devastated.

The following months were the most difficult of our lives. Our entire family mourned his absence, but that wasn鈥檛 what caused us the greatest pain. What kept us up at night was the emotional toll that my son鈥檚 decision took on him. He was extremely unhappy. He begged to come home. After every telephone conversation with my son, alarm bells went off in my head. Something was terribly wrong in New Hampshire.

By the time our son returned for the holidays, it was clear to us that we needed to bring him home, which we did. The emotional toll it took on him, however, was not yet done. Although he was happy to be home, he was disappointed with himself for not being able to make the boarding school experience work. He worried that his return home would affect his admission to college. He hated being the new kid again at school. His return home marked a new emotional low.

Were we wrong to let him make the initial decision to go? Should we have let him fully experience the consequences of his decision to leave home and left him in New Hampshire? Were we wrong to bring him home? According to Madeline Levine, our job 鈥溾�s to know [our] child well enough to make a good call about whether he can manage a particular situation.鈥� Our son was not able to manage the situation. We decided to say 鈥渆nough鈥� instead of making him stick with a decision that wasn鈥檛 working out as expected. While we wanted to teach him tenacity, we also felt that if we want him to take risks, we also need to help him admit when a choice was making him unhappy.

I imagine other parents of gifted children may have the same two questions for Dr. Levine. When we hang back and let our children make mistakes that result from their devotion to academic excellence, the price they pay is the anxiety that comes from failing to live up to their own impossible expectations. The that characterize gifted children only increase the cost of these mistakes. Is this the price of resiliency for gifted children? When do we say 鈥渘o鈥� to our child鈥檚 quest for academic challenge?

Strange as it might sound, my husband and I don鈥檛 believe we made a mistake by letting our son go away to school. We certainly would have faced other problems if we had denied him such a wonderful opportunity. On the other hand, we don鈥檛 yet understand the full psychological costs of his decision to go. The only thing I know for sure is that I want to strangle anyone who uses the word 鈥渞esiliency鈥� casually. I have spent the last year struggling with this difficult concept. Madeline Levine says my struggles are worth it. I sure hope she is right.

Have you struggled聽with when to say 鈥渘o鈥� to your child鈥檚 quest for academic challenge? Please share your experience with us in the comment section below.

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