Gifted kids spend a lot of time in their heads. They devote considerable energy to thinking, wondering, analyzing, drafting, problem-solving, inventing, calculating, composing, planning, investigating, comparing, contrasting, formulating, predicting鈥nd so on. They have great practice living inside their heads and tend to naturally gravitate to these cognitive habits. Thus, gifted kids often view their minds as the central foundation of their identity. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but an identity based solely on intellect is an incomplete one. It is imbalanced and neglects the truth that gifted kids are also emotional creatures who long for connection with others and to a sense of purpose. To attain more balance, gifted kids need the opportunity to quiet their minds and devote time and space to exercise their hearts.

offers just that. This week-long summer camp allows the opportunity, time, and space for gifted kids to practice getting out of their heads and to value other aspects of the self. In its mission to develop the whole child, Yunasa emphasizes five aspects of self: the physical, intellectual, emotional, social, and spiritual. These five domains are cultivated throughout the week, helping campers broaden their sense of self beyond intellect and integrate all five domains into a unified identity. After my visit to Yunasa West this June, I can confidently attest that this is a place where gifted kids learn to love themselves and find a sense of belonging among a community of peers.

At Yunasa, I observed intentional cultivation of each of these five aspects of self:

• The physical self is developed through traditional camp activities such as ropes courses, rappelling, kayaking, archery, and more. Campers are encouraged to tune in to their physical body through daily yoga or Tai Chi.
• The intellectual domain is nurtured through discussion of what it means to be gifted, learning about overexcitabilities, and other topics campers choose during workshops. Campers share their passions with one another and engage in stimulating conversation with camp Fellows, who are experts in gifted development and education.
• The emotional life of a gifted kid is celebrated at Yunasa. Campers have daily practice with guided visualization, breathwork and other tools to listen to and regulate their intense emotions. Fellows and camp counselors are closely attuned and responsive to the emotional needs of campers. Campers are encouraged to share their feelings with others in a safe, nonjudgmental, and supportive environment.
• The social benefit of being in community with other gifted kids is a powerful element of Yunasa. For many gifted learners, it is challenging to find a peer group and they feel isolated as they move through childhood and adolescence. There is psychological safety in being able to freely express oneself, knowing Yunasa is a place where gifted kids are valued for their idiosyncrasies. Campers connect with like-minded peers as well as with counselors and Fellows who get them and support them.
• The spiritual traditions that are incorporated into the week help campers connect to the natural world around them and to a sense of purpose. Native rituals, yoga practice, labyrinth meditation, and the spectacular beauty of the outdoor surroundings are all pathways for campers to open their heart and spirit to something bigger than themselves.

When I was at Yunasa West, I saw that the kids brought their complete selves to camp and there they had a chance to let it all out.  From belting out Disney songs at the campfire variety show to tenderly supporting a crying friend, from boisterous team spirit during Yunasa Olympics to mentoring a younger camper through homesickness, and from energetic dancing at the camp social to a caring resolution of a painful misunderstanding, I witnessed a sense of comfort among Yunasa campers. I witnessed a deep level of acceptance for one another and for oneself. I witnessed a strong and connected community. Yunasa provided the opportunity for each aspect of self to be valued, supported and celebrated.

The thing is, whether or not we intentionally cultivate these five domains of self, gifted kids already are whole people (and always have been). But they may not know this about themselves. As they tend to live in their heads, they may be taken aback when an emotional meltdown shows up out of the blue or when interpersonal conflict explodes in their face with no apparent warning. Even when attending primarily to the intellectual self, the other four domains still operate beneath the surface, responding to internal states, external environments, and important relationships. Just as a smartphone app running in the background still saps memory and energy, the unattended domains of self are still present and influential. For example, a gifted kid may always have that intense emotionality running in the background (and may be exhausted by it!) even when emotions are not readily apparent. Yunasa helps campers become aware of all five domains of self, to appreciate each one, and how to care for them all.

Yunasa helps gifted kids get out of their heads. My time at camp showed me how powerfully meaningful Yunasa can be. I saw campers grow in self-love, appreciation for emotions, and ability to forge deep interpersonal connections. It was truly an honor to share this time with Yunasa campers, counselors, staff, and Fellows, and to witness campers finding balance within themselves.

Samantha Outcalt works as the staff Psychologist at Sycamore School, a Preschool-8th-grade independent school in Indianapolis with a mission for serving gifted learners. There she directs a social-emotional wellness program, offers individual and group counseling to students, and provides consultation to teachers and parents. She can be reached at outcalt.samantha@sycamoreschool.org.

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Lisa is the mother of 3 gifted children and lives outside of San Francisco.

Which of the following is a symptom of anxiety in a gifted child?

a. An eye twitch
b. Pacing in circles
c. Fighting with her mother

The answer?
All of the above.

The eye twitch and the pacing were easy for me. My oldest son鈥檚 eye began to twitch in fifth grade, around the same time he started to disengage at school. Our middle child began pacing in circles around the bathroom in second grade. That was the year that his teacher wrote his name on the blackboard with the word 鈥渢eacher鈥� before it because she thought he was too bossy.

My daughter is the one who fights with me. She is in an ideal educational environment. We fight because I am annoying.

If you met my daughter, you would find her to be an adorable, Justin Bieber-loving 11 year old. And she is. She is also super critical of me. According to my daughter, I clear my throat excessively. I use the word 鈥渟weetie鈥� when I鈥檓 irritated and I make squishing noises when I chew. When I do these things, she tells me to stop. Sometimes she even imitates me.

My daughter鈥檚 need to correct me leads to terrible fights. I can鈥檛 understand why she won鈥檛 overlook my annoying behavior. She doesn鈥檛 know why I keep doing things that irritate her. Usually, I just walk away. That enrages her. She hates it when I walk away.

I don鈥檛 tell many people about my daughter鈥檚 criticism because it makes both of us look bad. It鈥檚 disrespectful. It鈥檚 insensitive. It鈥檚 evidence of my bad parenting skills. And, according to a psychiatrist I know, it鈥檚 a symptom of high anxiety.

About a year ago, I was talking with a psychiatrist about anxiety issues of my own. She went down a laundry list of symptoms. At one point she asked me if I get annoyed easily. I said no, and she seemed surprised. She said that highly anxious people are often irritable. Then I remembered my daughter. I thought about how she hates it when her younger brother cracks his knuckles, when her older brother chews ice or when her father talks with food in his mouth. It occurred to me that my daughter is irritable because she is anxious.

I am the first to admit that I might be fooling myself by thinking that my daughter鈥檚 behavior reflects anxiety instead of permissive parenting because I don鈥檛 want to take responsibility for the behavior. Having said this, I can鈥檛 escape the genetic component of her anxiety. After all, I鈥檓 anxious, and so is my husband. Our sons? Anxious and anxious. Any genetic predisposition she might have received was certainly nurtured by my anxious parenting.

Okay, maybe I lied to the psychiatrist. Sometimes I am irritable. Early in our marriage, I told my husband what to do when I behave this way. When I am at my most unlikable, what I really need is a hug. I need some physical reassurance that I am not bad despite my bad behavior.

We tried it with our daughter. Or more accurately, my husband tried it. In the middle of a particularly bad fight, he waited for her to catch her breath and then asked her if he could give her a hug. Surprisingly, she said yes. Eventually, she would ask for a hug after she made a snarky remark but before we would get into a full blown fight. Those were hard hugs for me to give. It seemed like I was rewarding bad behavior. It did, however, prevent the fight and hasten an apology from her. She always expressed genuine remorse for her behavior after we fought.

I found support for our hug therapy in a blog by Dr. Claudia M. Gold, a pediatrician and author of . According to Dr. Gold, this behavior has to do with the underdevelopment of the higher cortical centers of the brain. Our daughter didn鈥檛 experience early trauma, nor does she have sensory processing problems like the children discussed in her blog. She is, however, intense and highly sensitive like many gifted children. She has almost all of . The way she externalized her intense nature felt like a personal attack, but it was no different from the boys鈥� eye twitching and pacing.

I can鈥檛 say that I鈥檓 entirely at peace with the way our daughter expresses her anxiety, and if I鈥檓 wrong and I am a poor parent, please don鈥檛 tell me. I have found a solution that involves holding my daughter close and giving her a squeeze. My hope is that the memories of the fights will disappear and what she will remember are the hugs.

In what ways do your children exhibit anxiety? How do you handle these expressions of anxiety? Please share with us in the comment section below.

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