The COVID-19 pandemic has changed how we live, learn, and connect. In March, the amazing 优蜜视频 team took on the challenge of moving to an online teach and learning platform. They did this without compromising 优蜜视频鈥檚 commitment to providing high caliber content.聽 Our new menu of virtual synchronous programs has expanded our reach and afforded us with the opportunity to touch the lives of more students in more locations than ever before.聽 We even created a new initiative, Spyglass, to ensure our middle and high age students were served.

鈥淪pyglass has been a great addition to the wonderful programs at 优蜜视频鈥t was very helpful to have this great resource especially during the pandemic. Our girls enjoyed connecting with familiar faces, both staff and students. We look forward to your great programming and we are appreciative of your efforts to bring meaningful content to 优蜜视频 students.鈥� (Parent)

Resilient apart. Even though our classes, workshops, and camps have moved online, participants and parents still report a satisfaction rating of 96%.

If we can do this during a global crisis, think about what is possible as we move into the future.

While we celebrate our victories, we know that this season will have a lingering impact on us all. Quarantine, school closures, social unrest, climate change, and isolation from loved ones have taken their toll on our families.

Resilient together. We will be together again. In the meantime, 优蜜视频 remains focused upon the intellectual and personal needs of our children. We look forward to the close of this painful chapter in history, but we know that the impact of the pandemic on our community will not end with the vaccine. We 聽hope to be supportive agents for recovery by providing our families with purposeful content, social connection, venues for safe communication, and a welcoming community of like-minded peers.

But to do so, we need your help now.

We are grateful for the success of our recent Read-a-Thon fundraiser, yet we have a long way to go to close our funding gap for the year. We have work to do if we are to provide the high caliber programs and social/emotional support our gifted children rely on, especially as we have broadened our reach to serve more gifted children through our online programs. Please help us remain resilient as we strive to build resilience in the young people we serve.

Thank you for your consideration. May you and your loved ones remain safe and well this holiday season.

With Gratitude,

Elizabeth D. Jones

President

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In today鈥檚 world, we鈥檝e grown to expect nearly immediate results in every aspect of our lives. I, for one, have caught myself clicking repeatedly in frustration on a link when it doesn鈥檛 load within a fraction of a second. We likely all know someone who has abandoned a new health regimen within a week because they didn鈥檛 see the positive changes they were expecting. Most adolescents in developed nations are growing up not ever knowing a world where they don鈥檛 have instant access to any video, song, image or fact ever posted. These technological advances are undeniably positive in the grand scheme of things, but they also have caused us to project this expectation of instant gratification onto areas of our lives where immediacy is impossible.

That鈥檚 where grit comes into play.聽 Grit, which is defined as 鈥減erseverance and passion for long-term goals,鈥� is necessary to overcome this tendency towards lack of patient discipline. Working in the gifted community, I interact with profoundly intelligent, creative and innovative young people on a daily basis. Many of these individuals also possess grit when they have a specific goal they are truly passionate about achieving. They will linger after class until their wind turbine turns smoothly, phrase an idea in numerous ways until their classmates understand their ingenuity, or borrow a logic puzzle to take home so they can finally solve it after hours of trying.

But how do we teach our children or students to have the tenacity to accomplish tasks they鈥檙e not as eager or well-equipped to complete? I found four big ways to encourage grit in gifted students as an educator or parent.

1. Praise children for their effort, not just the final outcome

Many gifted children are used to being recognized for their great memory or intelligence, but they may become easily frustrated when a task proves to be difficult. Encourage perseverance by applauding hard work and tenacity, not just what they produce on tasks that come easily. Additionally, you can point out this hard work and resilience to children when you see it in Olympic athletes, history lessons, book or movie characters, or friends and family members they admire.

2. Focus more on independence than perfection

It鈥檚 very tempting to intervene when a child is working through a challenging task, especially if the child is gifted and both of you are used to things coming easily to them. Instead of focusing on perfection as the ultimate goal for a task, lightly coach students in a way that allows them to be independent while still understanding that you鈥檙e there for help and encouragement if needed. Perfectionism is common in gifted students so this can be a tough, but healthy, transition to make.

3. Empathize and teach self-encouragement

Try to show your child or student how to encourage themselves without disregarding their emotions. After what may seem to them like a failure, say something like, 鈥淵ou might be feeling disappointed, but you should feel really proud of yourself for trying your best. When you鈥檙e ready, let鈥檚 try again!鈥� Because gifted children often feel different from their peers, knowing someone is able to understand their emotions can work wonders for their self-esteem. Eventually, they鈥檒l be able to recognize their own emotions with clarity and then encourage themselves through trials.

4. Model positivity and resilience in your own life

Most children, but especially gifted children, absorb and reflect the behaviors they see in the adults around them. Because of this, stay away from making self-disparaging comments about yourself in front of children and, instead, talk openly about your mistakes and how you recover from them. Not only will this help the children watching you avoid developing a negative self-image or fear of failure, but it will have positive impact on your own well-being! Your ability to model this trait and make it relevant in the lives of children will show them how to lessen their fear of failure in the short-term while still striving for success in the long-term.

What suggestions do you have for teaching gifted children grit?

Sources:

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Bonnie is the Program Coordinator at 优蜜视频 and has extensive experience working with gifted middle school students to find the high school that best fits their individual intellectual and personal needs.

I have the pleasure and privilege to work with some of the smartest, most creative young people in the United States. While my comments are primarily geared towards high school, much of what follows is applicable to any phase of the application process that many of you will deal with in the course of your academic lives.

Applications to most of the so-called selective independent high schools throughout the country have increased 10% over previous years, resulting for many of these schools in their lowest admit rate as well. It鈥檚 therefore probable that not all of the students who might want to attend a certain school, regardless of their outstanding qualifications and eligibility requirements, may receive that coveted letter or e-mail of admission.

My first bit of advice is to remain calm. A rejection 鈥� or the buzzword among many schools today 鈥渘onadmit鈥� or 鈥渄eny鈥� notification 鈥� does not mean that you as a parent or your child has some irredeemable flaw. In the vast majority of cases, this decision has more to do with the sheer number of uber-outstanding applicants from an international pool and what each admissions team views as compatibility (i.e. better matches) for their school鈥檚 program than any negative about you or your son or daughter. This is not about there being anything wrong with your child鈥檚 application or who they are as people and how they present themselves in interviews. As disappointing as a turn-down is, if the student is not right for the program or the curriculum, he or she will not flourish at that school.

Some of the best information on this subject comes from Jane Foley Fried, Director of Admissions at Phillips Academy: 鈥淔or some of you, this may be the first disappointment of your young lives. We live in a culture that does not readily prepare opportunities for disappointment, with failure an experience to be avoided at all costs. Is it better not to try than to be disappointed? Is not being admitted to a secondary school a failure? When the news is delivered, I receive many calls from parents wanting to know what their child did wrong in an unsuccessful attempt for admission at a particular school. Success does not begin with one鈥檚 admission to their top choice nor does it end with a waitlist or deny letter. Seriously鈥�when one door closes, another opens. Parents can be good models of resilience and reason. If you or your child dwells on the closed door, your child will never walk through the open door. School matches are made by the admission staff and the family. Do not waste time thinking about what could have been. Get excited about what is.鈥�

In the big picture of a life journey, this is one step on a long road, often one that diverges into many paths, some different from the route you expected to take. No matter how incredible a student, artist, musician, performer, inventor or genius you are, disappointment聽is a part of life, 别惫别谤测辞苍别鈥檚 life. It may be helpful to assess what you have learned about yourself should you not receive the admission you were hoping for: are you someone who is resilient and can bounce back from disappointment, a key life skill? Writing about yourself as you had to do in your application is a terrific exercise towards self-knowledge. Take comfort in the hard work and preparation you put into the application process. Perseverance and tenacity to not only reach but attempt to reach goals are also valuable characteristics often honed through adversity. The admissions process is one that the applicant has limited control over. There should be some comfort in recognizing that everything happens for a reason. If you have received other acceptances, to only dwell on where you did not get in is a consummate waste of time and energy and will not change the outcome.

It has been shown to me time and time again that there is tremendous wisdom and value in UCLA Basketball Coach John Wooden鈥檚 quote: 鈥淭hings turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out.鈥�

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Lisa is the mother of 3 gifted children and lives outside of San Francisco.

I just received my first grade as a parent. I got an 鈥淎.鈥� How do I know I got an 鈥淎鈥�? U.S. News & World Report said so.

My oldest son earned me this grade by getting into the University of Chicago. I know that sounds awful. But the message I received from other parents over the last 18 years suggests that I am responsible for my children鈥檚 achievements. The ultimate achievement in our community is enrollment in an elite university.

No one told me directly that I was being graded, but I saw how my neighbors reacted when we made educational choices for our children that were different from theirs. They took it very personally. They behaved as though my husband and I were implying that what was good enough for their child was not good enough for ours. I remember one difficult dinner when our guests insisted that our move to a local independent school was not only unnecessary, it was opportunistic. Private schools were only good for helping students develop business contacts for the future. If a child had the strength of character and family support, he could achieve success in a public school setting. His proof? He went to a public school and ended up teaching at Stanford and working at a large biotechnology company.

We all went our separate ways, with no common rubric to judge our progress鈥攗ntil now. It鈥� time for our children to go to college.

It seems wrong to take credit for my son鈥檚 accomplishments, and I鈥檓 not even sure U.S. News & World Report can measure them. So I asked my husband what role he thinks we play in our children鈥檚 accomplishments. He said that he would not give himself credit for our children鈥檚 success but would take credit for not messing them up. I thought we deserved a little more credit than that. I decided to evaluate my parenting skills by my ability to help them find the sun.

My children are sunflowers. If I let them act instinctively, they will turn towards the sun by finding the people and places that feed their love of learning. If something gets in the way of the sun, they wilt. I know this is a silly metaphor, but it helps me visualize my role in their lives. My job is to clear away any obstructions so that they can find the sun. They faced a lot of obstructions over the years. Sometimes, it鈥檚 been me.

It鈥檚 hard to see yourself as an obstruction. But I learned, with my husband鈥檚 assistance, that my 鈥渉elp鈥� was not always helpful. So, I returned my red pen to my son when my college essay edits robbed him of his voice. I remained silent when my son eschewed the Calculus AP exam in favor of 鈥淐ircus鈥� class. I bit my tongue when he told me that he wasn鈥檛 going to apply to a particular Ivy League school because the admissions officer stressed the accomplishments of the student body and he didn鈥檛 want to achieve anything in college; he just wanted to learn. I believed that my son has good instincts. I was determined to let him find the college that best suited him, and that meant I couldn鈥檛 get in the way.

I think parents of gifted children have a particularly hard time establishing the right grading policy for themselves. Most of us begin by assessing our ability to find and deliver the appropriate curriculum and social and emotional support for our child. Our efforts are often handicapped by teachers who think our children don鈥檛 need accommodations and parents who see our requests as elitist. Even with our best efforts, our children may still disengage in the classroom and . Given their abilities, we are tempted to see anything short of extraordinary achievement as our failure (and theirs). Our final grade, by my neighbors鈥� standards, may not reflect our efforts. We may not even agree on what constitutes an 鈥淎.鈥�

My son decided to go to the University of Chicago because it had interdisciplinary classes like 鈥淢ind鈥� and 鈥淧ower Identity and Resistance.鈥� The school has a Circus Club and the world鈥檚 largest scavenger hunt. He liked the admissions essays and heard that the kids watch Dr. Who. Its motto is 鈥淟et knowledge grow from more to more; and so be human life enriched.鈥�

I dropped my son off last week. As we walked through the leaf strewn quad, he said, 鈥淚 don鈥檛 think I will ever do anything in my life that takes advantage of everything this place has to offer.鈥� My son turned toward the sun, which turned out to be in Chicago. Maybe if I stay close to him (but out of his way), I will feel some of its warmth, too.

What role do you feel you play in your child’s accomplishments? Please share in the comment section below.

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Lisa is the mother of 3 gifted children and lives outside of San Francisco.

鈥淩aising Successful Children鈥濃�攚ho could resist that title? I immediately began to asses my parenting skills after I saw in the Sunday New York Times. According to Dr. Levine, parents spend too much time focusing on academic success and not enough time fostering 鈥渁uthentic success.鈥� Authentic success comes when parents hang back and allow their children to make mistakes so that they can develop the resilience they need to handle the difficulties of life.

As I considered Dr. Levine鈥檚 advice, I was struck by two thoughts. First, what do you do if your child is the one who is overly focused on academic success? And second, when is it okay to interfere in your child鈥檚 academic experience? My husband and I faced both of these questions last year. In answering these questions, we came to a powerful conclusion: helping your gifted child develop resilience is a nasty business.

Last September, our 13-year-old son left his 17-year-old brother, 10-year-old sister, and both parents to attend an elite boarding school on the east coast. The school had classes and resources that were unavailable locally. As a boarding student, he could devote all of his free time to his studies and extracurricular activities without worrying about family commitments. He even received a scholarship to pay for the tuition. He saw an educational nirvana. We saw the end of our parental influence.

So, Madeline Levine, is this where we are supposed to hang back? We did. We let him decide. He didn鈥檛 hesitate. We were devastated.

The following months were the most difficult of our lives. Our entire family mourned his absence, but that wasn鈥檛 what caused us the greatest pain. What kept us up at night was the emotional toll that my son鈥檚 decision took on him. He was extremely unhappy. He begged to come home. After every telephone conversation with my son, alarm bells went off in my head. Something was terribly wrong in New Hampshire.

By the time our son returned for the holidays, it was clear to us that we needed to bring him home, which we did. The emotional toll it took on him, however, was not yet done. Although he was happy to be home, he was disappointed with himself for not being able to make the boarding school experience work. He worried that his return home would affect his admission to college. He hated being the new kid again at school. His return home marked a new emotional low.

Were we wrong to let him make the initial decision to go? Should we have let him fully experience the consequences of his decision to leave home and left him in New Hampshire? Were we wrong to bring him home? According to Madeline Levine, our job 鈥溾�s to know [our] child well enough to make a good call about whether he can manage a particular situation.鈥� Our son was not able to manage the situation. We decided to say 鈥渆nough鈥� instead of making him stick with a decision that wasn鈥檛 working out as expected. While we wanted to teach him tenacity, we also felt that if we want him to take risks, we also need to help him admit when a choice was making him unhappy.

I imagine other parents of gifted children may have the same two questions for Dr. Levine. When we hang back and let our children make mistakes that result from their devotion to academic excellence, the price they pay is the anxiety that comes from failing to live up to their own impossible expectations. The that characterize gifted children only increase the cost of these mistakes. Is this the price of resiliency for gifted children? When do we say 鈥渘o鈥� to our child鈥檚 quest for academic challenge?

Strange as it might sound, my husband and I don鈥檛 believe we made a mistake by letting our son go away to school. We certainly would have faced other problems if we had denied him such a wonderful opportunity. On the other hand, we don鈥檛 yet understand the full psychological costs of his decision to go. The only thing I know for sure is that I want to strangle anyone who uses the word 鈥渞esiliency鈥� casually. I have spent the last year struggling with this difficult concept. Madeline Levine says my struggles are worth it. I sure hope she is right.

Have you struggled聽with when to say 鈥渘o鈥� to your child鈥檚 quest for academic challenge? Please share your experience with us in the comment section below.

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