After working with gifted kids for over the past three years at 优蜜视频, Program Coordinator Nicole Endacott shares the 5 lessons she has learned from our inspiring students.

1. There are infinite types of 鈥渟mart.鈥�

The kids who are gifted aren鈥檛 always the ones who ace every test. They can be the students who create elaborate doodles in the back of the classroom, acutely perceive when their friend is upset, or who have such outside-the-box creative ideas they can鈥檛 even put them into words or onto paper. Working in the gifted education world has meant broadening my view of what intellect can look like in such a diverse population 鈥� it鈥檚 so much fun to see how giftedness can express itself in our community!

2. Being sensitive doesn鈥檛 mean being weak.

Gifted kids often are more sensitive to abnormal stimuli such as social tension, high noise levels, perceived injustice, unusual textures, or a sudden change of plans. Though these sensitivities can make life as a gifted kid challenging at times, it does not mean they are weak. Going through life with sensitivities makes gifted kids brave, resilient, and empathetic.

3. Finding like-minded peers is invaluable.

One of my favorite parts of working with gifted youth is watching them enter an environment where they encounter kids like themselves, perhaps for the first time. When they鈥檙e able to have conversations with their peers about their favorite topics, gifted kids can bloom socially. I love seeing friendships form over unique premises you could only find in the gifted world: sharing an obscure favorite dinosaur, maybe, or a love of rhyming multi-syllable words.

4. Everyone should learn to advocate for themselves.

Gifted students have had to ask for what they need more than average children. Though a teacher with 30 other students may see a child asking for a harder worksheet as lower on their list of priorities, we should be rewarding students who know how to ask for tools that will help them succeed.

5. 鈥淲e鈥檙e all weird.鈥�

On the final day of Academy classes last fall, I discovered a phrase written on a white board after every student had left: 鈥淩eminder: We鈥檙e all weird.鈥� It was written in a student鈥檚 handwriting. I later found out that it was meant as a reminder that everyone has things that make them unique: we can either worry about being different or we can realize that our 鈥渨eird鈥� traits are the best parts of us!

In today鈥檚 media and news, I feel like I hear more stories about the benefits of sharing emotions and discussing mental health than I ever did growing up. This is a wonderful thing and through popular media including television and movie portrayals and celebrity confessions, we are growing more accustomed to talking about historically taboo or just unknown topics surrounding emotions and mental health.

With great strides being made in these conversations, it seems important to discuss emotional intensity among our country鈥檚 brightest, and sometimes most vulnerable, youth.

The 聽has a great explanation for why gifted youth tend to experience more intense emotions, saying, 鈥淚ntellectual complexity goes hand in hand with emotional depth. Just as gifted children’s thinking is more complex and has more depth than other children’s, so too are their emotions more complex and more intense.鈥�

Gifted youth are often more aware of and affected by their surroundings. Children who feel things with great intensity experience the world in a different way than their non-gifted peers. Emotional or physical reactions to events can last longer for gifted children. These experiences of heightened stimulation observed in many gifted individuals are referred to as intensities or聽Overexcitabilities. Polish psychologist identified five overexcitabilities and their associated behaviors:

1. Psychomotor: Characterized primarily by high levels of energy
2. Sensual: Characterized by a heightened awareness of all five senses: sight, smell, taste, touch and hearing
3. Emotional: Characterized by extreme emotional sensitivity
4. Intellectual: Characterized by deep curiosity and thought
5. Imaginational: Characterized by vivid imagination and visualization

The first step in managing intense emotions is identifying and understanding them. If you think your child exhibits overexcitabilities, talk to your child about how they feel and react to certain situations. Healthy discussions around expressing emotions make everyone feel safer and more understood. Starting these discussions at a young age enforces good habits for the future.

How exactly do these overexcitabilities manifest themselves? It varies from child to child, but there are common associated with all five overexcitabilities.

• Psychomotor responses can include pacing, rapid talk or use of hand gestures
• Sensual responses can include sensitivities to clothing textures, food tastes or a need for physical displays of affection like cuddles or hugs
• Emotional responses can include intense feelings of empathy or compassion, depression, anxiety or loneliness
• Imaginational responses can include visualizations, use of metaphorical speech, dreaming or magical thinking
• Intellectual responses can include constant curiosity, deep thinking or a propensity towards solving puzzles and problems

Understanding what emotional intensities are and the behaviors associated with them can help with misdiagnosis or just plain misunderstanding. While some of the more extreme behaviors associated with overexcitabilities can be worrisome for a parent or educator, such as a child鈥檚 depression or anxiety, there can also be a wonderful bright side to overexcitabilities.

Some of the benefits of overexcitabilities can include:

• Empathy and compassion towards others
• A desire to solve major world problems
• Creativity
• A high sense of self-awareness
• Enthusiasm
• High energy

Intense emotions don鈥檛 always need to be feared or regulated. They are what make so many gifted children wonderfully unique. However, for the times that overintesities do need to be managed, here are some strategies:

• Meditation
• Yoga
• Outdoor physical activities such as going on walks, hikes or playing at a park
• Quiet reflection time
• Journaling or drawing
• Encourage discussions about how your child feels and why they feel the way they do

I hope this blog post helps with identifying and managing intense emotions in a gifted child. 优蜜视频鈥檚 also hosts a list of books, articles, programs and professionals that can be used as additional sources of information about overexcitabilities.

It’s a scientific fact that 20% of the population is聽born with a gene that allows them to “process sensory data much more deeply and thoroughly”聽than other people do. 聽We also know that a common thread that runs among gifted people is their ability to understand the world more deeply and thoroughly than others, a trait that is simply sensitivity by another name. 聽Unfortunately, our society tends to view sensitive children as “weak” or prissy in many ways.

This mis-categorization聽ignores the fact that highly sensitive people are often highly successful people, specifically because of their creative and perceptive temperament. 聽Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Jr., Steve Martin, Robert Frost, Frank Lloyd Wright, Mozart and Elton John are all highly sensitive.

Highly sensitive people have a number of very sought-after traits, including soaring creativity, intense focus, careful conscientiousness, empathetic kindness, and the ability to understand the world around them very deeply.

TYPICAL SIGNS聽of聽SENSITIVITY

Summarized from Dr. Elaine Aron, a leading research scientist in the field of high sensitivity

• Processes things deeply. Thinks long and hard about things. Very concientious and can be slow to answer quesions. 聽Generally responds with accurate, unusual, or creative ideas.

• Overstimulated very easily. 聽Doesn’t handle time pressure or deadlines well. 聽Don’t rush them! 聽Group work is unpleasant for them; they prefer a quiet space to think. 聽Noise is distracting, and chaotic situations are a nightmare. 聽Needs lots of personal space and downtime.

• Reacts emotionally. 聽Takes criticism very personally. 聽Cries easily, even if feedback is kind and positive. 聽Has tremendous empathy for others, and tends to worry how others are doing. 聽Will make a point to give direct and positive feedback to others.

• Aware of subtleties.聽 Notices very small differences in surroundings, including minor rearranging, changes to lighting or smells. 聽Reads people in a similar way; almost seems to be a mind-reader.

BENEFITS OF BEING SENSITIVE

• We are more creative. 聽Brainstorming聽takes introspection, and the process of combining and editing ideas requires solitude. 聽The sensitive or introverted person is ideally situated to take his deep experience of the world, quietly turn it over in his brain until it blooms into an explosion of new ideas, then shape it into a workable solution.

• We have an exuberant and聽lavish inner life. 聽We are vivid dreamers and daydreamers, we have inventive imaginations, and we recall memories in great detail.聽We are happy to spend time contemplating instead of acting, which helps us see connections between important things, which makes us smarter.

• We are more emotionally aware.聽Emotional intelligence, or the ability to recognize our own emotions as well as those of others, is a聽significant indicator of success in relationships and in the workplace. 聽People with high emotional intelligence are better decision-makers, better problem-solvers, and enjoy more聽fulfilling relationships.

• We’re really hardworking. 聽Some might call us perfectionists, but we aren’t happy until things are clean, organized and RIGHT. That makes us favored students, esteemed colleagues, and excellent managers. We are also careful and conscientious, which again is a strong marker of success in life. We’re also really good at noticing small errors.

• We notice more sensory detail. The world is full of amazing things, and we can see them all. Whether it’s gorgeous artwork, or the scent of an amazing meal, or the indulgent softness of a favorite blanket, sensitive people experience the world around them more deeply, and as a聽result can derive more happiness from beautiful things than other聽people can.

• We feel emotion physically.聽Instead of simply hearing and enjoying music, we literally get goosebumps from beautiful lyrics or harmonies. 聽Hugs become physical healers, and holding hands produces a flow of energy that we can almost see. 聽It’s a wonderful way to experience life deeply.

• We understand nuances in meaning. Highly sensitive people聽can read other聽people like a book. 聽Micro-differences in facial expressions or vocal timbre tell us volumes about the validity and real聽meaning behind what other聽people are telling us. 聽This gives us an advantage, in that it is much harder to fool or cheat us. 聽We recognize inauthentic people and can avoid them, and we have additional information at our disposal that we can use to聽make important聽decisions.

• We have superhuman intuition. Our gut instincts are spot-on, which can save us from a lot of heartbreak and hassle. 聽It’s like having six senses instead of five!

• We have greater empathy.聽We can sense emotion in other people, and that makes us great friends, teachers and parents. 聽We act out of a deep sense of understanding for where another person is coming from, and are more likely to do exactly the right thing.

• We are incredibly compassionate. 聽We have a sincere need to support, guide and comfort others, and it makes us very useful, as well as appreciated.

• We are awesome partners. 聽We are great listeners, we’re kind and thoughtful, and we naturally want to help people. 聽How many girls do you know who are dreaming of a boyfriend who is self-centered, oblivious and aggressive? 聽None. 聽YOU are the ultimate boyfriend!

• We experience love very deeply. 聽Because we understand the聽ones we love so well, and because we naturally tend to want to make other聽people happy, we form very strong bonds of love. 聽This love is reflected back to us, as our parents, children聽and partners appreciate what we give to them, and want to make us as happy as we make them. It’s a blessing to be able to be surrounded by such deep love.

DIFFICULTIES OF BEING SENSITIVE聽

• Boys aren’t supposed to be sensitive. 聽Our society still perpetuates the misguided notion that men and boys should be tough, stoic, aggressive and hardy. 聽To be otherwise is to be labeled weak, or fussy, or feminine.

• We can mistakenly feel that there is something wrong with us. Because only 15 – 20% of the population is聽highly sensitive, we may not know many聽people in our orbit who are like us. Between the messages society sends us聽about the importance of extroverted behavior, and our own tendency to analyze input from other people very carefully, we may conclude that we are abnormal or even damaged. This is catastrophic for our self-esteem.

• We are often misunderstood. We may be labeled “over-sensitive” or “over-dramatic” by people who don’t realize how deeply we feel, because it’s not their reality.聽聽If we are introverts (80% of sensitive people are) we may be deemed reclusive or standoffish; if we are empaths we may be labeled histrionic or attention-seekers.

• We are susceptible to getting stuck in relationships with toxic people. 聽Narcissists in particular are drawn to sensitive people because we give them the focused care and attention they crave, and are less likely to break off an unbalanced relationship because our natural perfectionism, work聽ethic, and tendency to see the best in people lead us to conclude that if WE just work a little harder, things will turn around. We are often in danger of giving more than we receive.

• We need more聽time alone to decompress. Space to breathe and let go of the stresses that we have internalized is essential to our well-being, but our modern lifestyle can make it impossible to find enough time to take care of ourselves. 聽In addition, the desire for solitude can be misinterpreted as anti-social behavior.

• Anxiety can present itself as real physical ailments. Because we internalize so much emotion from the world around us, our bodies can reach the limit of what they can hold. 聽Stress and anxiety can display themselves as stomach aches, IBS, muscle aches, fibromyalgia,聽migraines, and more.

• Sensitive people absorb聽negative emotions from others. This can happen聽just by being in the same room as聽people who are arguing or crying, or even by watching emotionally broken people on television or in the movies. 聽We not only notice and are uncomfortable watching other people get upset (or embarrassed), but we FEEL what they feel, despite clearly understanding that whatever is happening is not happening to us.

• There is no such thing as constructive criticism. Sensitive people take聽feedback as a personal judgment. 聽Because we are programmed to want to do things well (we can be聽perfectionists) and receive approval, we are very hurt when聽someone points out a mistake we made.

• Sensitivity can really get out of hand. 聽鈥淓motional Snowballing鈥� may occur in stressful situations, where the emotional response increases to a level disproportionate to the events at hand. Popular situations (such as crowded public events) can become overwhelming, and result in a dire need to escape to somewhere quiet and peaceful.

This post originally appeared on Raising Wizards; it has been reposted with permission.

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Elizabeth Jones is the President and Founder of The Institute for Educational Advancement. She has worked with gifted and special needs children and their families for more than 20 years. Her current work emphasizes advocacy and the development and administration of specialized programs for underserved youth. She also consults with gifted children and their families to help them find solutions to meet each child鈥檚 intellectual, physical, spiritual, social and emotional needs.

Tragedies make us feel helpless. As adults looking for answers, dealing with heartache and trying to process what has happened, it is vital that we honor the fears and concerns of our children, as well. This can be extremely difficult when we don鈥檛 understand the events ourselves. It is hard to grasp entering into a conversation with our children without knowing the answers to who, what, why and if it will happen again.

Children can be extremely affected by catastrophes, whether acts of nature or human infliction. They see adults as the gatekeepers to their safety; but when the adults in a child鈥檚 world have no control over a tragedy occurring, children often lose their sense of security. They just cannot understand why.

Gifted children exhibit high levels of and can be even more deeply impacted by events such as the Boston bombings. Not only do they feel a loss of security, but they also have a profound feeling of empathy for the victims and a tremendous need to understand and 鈥渇ix鈥� the problem.

A six-year-old client going through some stress recently had a dream that he was able to bring back a World War II battleship to the New York harbor on September 11, 2001, and the ship saved the Twin Towers. He used what he knew to fix a problem 鈥� and prevent a horrible tragedy 鈥� that happened years before he was born. It brought him comfort.

Emotionally sensitive, highly able students feel very deeply and have a strong sense of justice and moral fairness. It is hard enough to cope with horrific events; yet, when you feel a responsibility to fix the problem, it can be completely overwhelming. Gifted children have an early awareness of complex problems facing humanity. They experience emotional intensity at a greater level than their non-gifted counterparts. As a result, their concerns should be understood and respected. Telling children they should not worry or think about a tragic event that is now part of their frame of reference can cause children to feel inadequate because they are not able to control their emotions. Feeling insecure can trigger more anxiety and loss of control.

Michael Piechowski speaks about the complex inner lives, early ethical concerns and heightened awareness of the world gifted children experience. This often causes internal confusion and tension between 鈥渨hat is鈥� and 鈥渨hat ought to be.鈥�

How can we help our children cope with tragic events when we don鈥檛 even understand the why? Here are some suggestions:

• Gifted children have vivid imaginations. Without appropriate, honest conversation, they will often imagine the worst that could happen to their family, pets, friends and others.
• If possible, be the first one to communicate the event. Give your child honest answers, but do not overload them with details. Limit exposure to media and graphic images. Be prepared to have several conversations that may include asking the same question over and over. Gifted children have a strong affective memory, which causes them to relive significant moments in their lives. Your child will not forget about it, even if you stop them from talking about it.
• Be consistent and reassuring, but do not make unrealistic promises. Children take cues from their parents. Share your concerns and grief, but do not do all the talking. Listen and let your child take the lead. Ensure they know that you always do the best you can to make them and other family members safe.
• Coordinate information between school, home and other locations where your child spends time. Articulate your child鈥檚 concerns and deep feelings of empathy to the teachers and others who interact with your child. Remind these people that your child is likely to react differently than peers and that your child is likely to continue to remember and be affected by the event for a longer time than classmates. It is important for everyone in your child鈥檚 life to understand this.
• Reestablish a schedule or routine as soon as possible. The normalcy of activities is comforting and can assist children in healing.
• Work with your child to establish ways to take action to support the victims. Encourage and suggest positive ways they can make a difference, like raising money or writing notes.
• Reinforce things in your child鈥檚 life that provide safety, including police, fire fighters, school officials and protocol of what to do when a potential problem occurs. Discuss the fact that, although tragedies occur, they are rare; it is important to be prepared, though.
• Encourage emotional, physical, creative and spiritual outlets that can relieve your child鈥檚 tensions. This is a good opportunity to discuss ways to rejuvenate yourself when difficult things happen. Expression through the arts can be calming.

Most importantly, be together and reach out to help. And, by far, touch, understanding and unconditional love are the most powerful coping mechanisms for all of us.

What strategies have helped you talk to your child about tragedy? Please share with others in the comment section below.