Dan Tichenor is a beloved Yunasa Fellow and friend of 优蜜视频. During our virtual Yunasa West session, Dan led a workshop about self-kindness, a topic that seems especially important right now, when everything feels upside down. I conducted an interview with Dan about self-kindness so that our entire community might have access to wisdom on the subject. 

Jennifer: You end all your emails with 鈥渂e kind to yourself.鈥� This has always struck me; it lends a gentleness to all your messaging. It is a simple, powerful reminder in a world full of aggression and urgency. You exude kindness. Do you feel you have more kindness to offer when you are kind to yourself? 

Dan: In the fall of 2008, when I started teaching the Learning Opportunities Program, a self-contained special education class for the lowest cognitive functioning kids in the school district where I worked, I needed to come up with a simple set of rules that everyone could understand. I found these three rules in an article about a school in California with students who came from challenged backgrounds. The story discussed how focusing on these simple rules helped the school achieve behavioral and academic success.

Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. Take care of the place.

Every year we spent a lot of time discussing as a classroom community 鈥� teachers, assistant teachers, and students 鈥� the rights we all shared within the three major categories. From the list of 鈥渞ights鈥� we constructed an 鈥渁greement鈥� that we would all sign. As I observed kids honoring each other鈥檚 鈥渞ights,鈥� I thought it was important they receive recognition. I started a 鈥淜indness Basket.鈥� If I observed someone being kind or doing something kind, I would ask them to write a note describing their behavior and put it in the basket. Periodically we would go through the notes and publicly acknowledge their kindnesses.

I became a Yunasa Fellow in 2007, and I began to introduce mindfulness practices, sitting quietly, deep breathing, and short psychosynthesis exercises into the daily routine at school. It wasn鈥檛 long before I began reminding some of my colleagues, who were often self-critical, to take time to be kind to themselves. It just made sense not to beat oneself up over frustrating situations that are out of our control. I shared these thoughts at faculty meetings. Over time I started using 鈥渂e kind to yourself鈥� as a salutation on e-mails and notes.

In 2018 when Michele and I went to Australia to vacation with our son and his family, I spent some time in a bookstore in Sydney. As is my habit, I browsed the mindfulness section, where I found The Little Book of Kindness by David Hamilton. When I saw that chapter 4 was entitled, 鈥淏e Kind to Yourself,鈥� I bought the book immediately. For me, who had been telling folks for years to be kind to themselves, it was like finding a buried treasure.

It is an amazing source of validation for the positive effects of kindness on both the agent of kindness and the recipient. In the first chapter, 鈥淏iology of Kindness,鈥� Hamilton compares the benefits of kindness to the effects of stress.

What Stress Does                                           What Kindness Does

Increases blood pressure                              Reduces blood pressure

Damages the cardiovascular system                       Protects the cardiovascular system

(Kindness is 鈥渃ardioprotective鈥�)

Can make people unhappy                         Makes people happy

Suppresses the immune system                   Boosts the immune system

Tenses the nervous system                            Relaxes the nervous system

Increases inflammation                                Reduces inflammation

Can trigger depression                                 Can be an antidote to depression

Later in chapter five, he demonstrates how kindness is contagious and has a ripple effect, like dropping a pebble in a pond. The more kindness you give, the more it is reciprocated and paid forward to others.

Jennifer: How do you encourage the gifted kids in your life to be kind to themselves?

Dan: In his book, Hamilton says that 鈥淏eing kind to ourselves is part of valuing ourselves and also gives us more energy to be able to be kind to others.鈥� I explain to kids that self-care impacts our ability to extend kindness to others. We all need to look after our own energy levels to be able to extend energy and kindness to others.

Jennifer: During your Yunasa self-kindness workshop, you emphasize the importance of saying 鈥渘o鈥� as a way of being kind to yourself. Why is saying 鈥渘o鈥� so important during our pursuit of self-kindness?

Dan: Saying 鈥渘o鈥� sometimes allows us to re-energize and recharge so we have the energy to give and be kind.   Hamilton says it 鈥渁llows us to increase and restore mental and emotional energy so that we are able to say 鈥榶es鈥� on many other occasions.鈥�

Jennifer: Why are healthy boundaries important as we strive to be kind to ourselves?

Dan: Healthy boundaries are the safety nets of life. They provide us the opportunity to remain safe when we face choices between risky behavior and appropriate behavior. There are many examples that can be applied regarding drinking, controlled substances, sex, curfew, driving, parties, etc.

Jennifer: I agree wholeheartedly that boundaries are the safety nets of life. I would even take it further and say that boundaries are important during the everyday minutiae as well as when confronted with potentially dangerous circumstances. Boundaries go hand-in-hand with saying 鈥渘o.鈥� When we are maxed out, over-committed, and in need of alone time, saying 鈥渘o鈥� to extra activities (even uplifting activities) can be an act of self-kindness. When we spend time getting to know ourselves, tending to our interior lives through meditation and self-reflection, we become more aware of the boundaries we need to remain healthy.

What are some ways you prioritize self-kindness in your own life? 

Dan: I have been an athletic person my whole life. For me, it is important to have a regular exercise routine. Recently I found I benefit from keeping an exercise log: writing down the various exercises and number of repetitions each time I exercise. It is a self-motivating tool. I limit the amount of sugar snacks and deserts I eat, focusing on healthy eating. I also feel it is very important to practice mindfulness meditations on a regular basis. During the current pandemic situation, Michele and I are both committed to staying healthy by practicing social isolation, wearing masks, not going to stores, etc.

Jennifer: I was kind to myself today when I mindfully enjoyed a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch!

What are some ways gifted kids can interact with their own inner critic?

Dan: Let the inner critic know that everyone makes mistakes. Do your best to rectify the situation, and try not to make the same mistake again. And even if you do, let it go and start over. Just keep going. Practice perseverance.

Jennifer: A mantra can be helpful when standing up to our inner critic, too. For me, it is helpful to notice my critical thoughts as they flit through my mind: I acknowledge them, release them, and return to my mantra or short prayer. I find that my own mantras are helpful all day long. I don鈥檛 necessarily need to be engaged in a session of meditation for my mantras to aid in the redirection of my thoughts.

You are a storyteller. How can the stories we tell about ourselves influence our own self-kindness? 

Dan: Stories provide examples of how we were kind, what happened when we were kind, how we felt when we were kind, how others felt during our kindness, how we took another step on the path of life after stumbling and falling down, and how we are able to reinforce resilience in ourselves and others.

Jennifer: I also think about Stef Tolan (to those of you who don鈥檛 know her, she is a brilliant author, Senior Fellow, and friend of 优蜜视频) who believes in the power of stories as a way of shaping our lives. The way we frame our circumstances can inspire gratitude and contentment rather than despair and resentment. She says, 鈥淚 have whatever I need whenever I need it, wherever I need it, for as long as I need it.鈥�

How have you been kind to yourself today?

Dan: Yes, I have been kind to myself today. I got up early to drive 40 minutes back to our home to get some items we needed that were delivered there. When I got back to our lake house, I completed the outdoor chore I had planned for the day 鈥� spreading fertilizer on the lawn. I had lunch, took a shower, and sat down to complete this kindness project. When I finish, I plan to make chicken chili for dinner. I like to cook.

Jennifer: You usually lead Qi Gong and Labyrinth workshops at Yunasa; how do these practices promote self-kindness?

 Dan: The practice of Qi Gong is mindfulness in motion. It allows me to connect the Qi energy 鈥� life force 鈥� within me. I find it physically and mentally relaxing, especially when I can do it accompanied by Tibetan flute music. Walking in a labyrinth is a meditation in motion 鈥� a mindful journey to the center, focusing on whatever intention one chooses. For me, both practices are relaxing and spiritually stimulating at the same time.

Jennifer: Qi Gong, labyrinths, and psychosynthesis are all modes of meditation and powerful conduits of self-kindness. There have been wonderful discoveries about the effects of meditation and contemplation on the brain鈥檚 neuroplasticity. Typically, our neurons love to latch onto negative thoughts. Rick Hanson, psychologist and author of Buddha鈥檚 Brain says, 鈥淭he mind is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones.鈥� Meditation (or contemplation) orients the brain toward positivity and improves immune functioning (鈥淎lterations in Brain and Immune Function Produced by Mindfulness Meditation,鈥� Richard J. Davidson, et al). This means that our bodies can be physiologically changed by the intentional way we direct our thoughts and breath. Meditation also helps our attentiveness, and attentiveness leads to presence and further self-discovery. In the words of the brilliant poet Mary Oliver, 鈥淭en times a day something happens to me like this 鈥� some strengthening throb of amazement 鈥� some good sweet empathetic ping and swell. This is the first, the wildest, and the wisest thing I know: that the soul exists and is built entirely out of attentiveness.鈥�

So, in the words of Dan Tichenor, be kind to yourself.

Presented by Qiao Li, 优蜜视频 Yunasa Program Coordinator

Summer is here! Whether you or your gifted child are taking summer school courses, attending camp, traveling or enjoying activities with family and friends, summertime is a great opportunity to enjoy some extra reading. Do you have a long road trip coming up? Listen to an audiobook. Will you have time to kill at the airport? Reading a book will help pass the time. Are you and your friends on the hunt for a new endeavor? Start a book club to read and discuss novels together. In case you need some convincing to read beyond your assigned summer reading for school, here are you should be reading more:

1. Reading reduces stress.
2. Reading, especially books, may add years to your life.
3. Reading improves your language skills and knowledge of the world.
4. Reading enhances empathy.
5. Reading boosts creativity and flexibility.
6. Reading can help you transform as a person.

I personally enjoy reading because it鈥檚 a gratifying and necessary way for me to unplug. I love the moment when I discover I鈥檝e been reading for hours on end because I鈥檝e been so enveloped in a story and lost track of time. Sometimes there鈥檚 nothing better than devouring a good book!

Here are a few summer reads I鈥檝e compiled to help inspire your and your gifted child鈥檚 summer reading list:

• Her Right Foot by Dave Eggers (Gr K鈥�3): A moving and conversational description of the history of the Statue of Liberty and how some of the smallest details contribute to her symbolism as a welcoming beacon to the world.
• Hello, Universe by Erin Entrada Kelly (Gr 3鈥�7): Told from four intertwining points of view鈥攖wo boys and two girls鈥攖he novel celebrates bravery, being different and finding your inner bayani (hero).
• The Miscalculations of Lightning Girl by Stacy McAnulty (Gr 4鈥�6): Lucy Callahan was struck by lightning. She doesn’t remember it, but it changed her life forever. The zap gave her genius-level math skills and, ever since, Lucy has been homeschooled. Now, at 12-years-old, she’s technically ready for college. She just has to pass one more test鈥攎iddle school!
• Fish in a Tree by Lynda Mullaly Hunt (Gr 5鈥�6): Ally struggles to hide her dyslexia by continually getting in trouble, until a substitute teacher discovers what she is really hiding.
• Boying Up: How to Be Brave, Bold and Brilliant by Mayim Bialik (Gr 7鈥�9): Mayim Bialik, star of The Big Bang Theory and author of the #1 bestseller Girling Up, puts her Ph.D. to work to talk to teen boys about the science and pressures of growing up male in today’s world.

Happy reading!

Do you have a favorite novel or book you are looking forward to reading this summer? Share it with us in the comments below!

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May鈥� the dreaded month for parents, teachers and students alike. Days and nights are filled with end- of-the-year recitals, projects, AP testing, finals, celebrations and white sheet cake. It can be overwhelming for everyone, but especially students.

Being a high school teacher for nine years, I saw this first-hand. As we inched closer to the last day of school, students became more stressed and overwhelmed. Sometimes, it felt as if that last day of school would never come. The stress accumulated this month of May has the potential to turn into a major problem. .

Though stress in unavoidable, here are some healthy ways to cope with the pressure.

• Ask for help. This is the hardest and best lesson we can learn: don鈥檛 think you need to figure everything out on your own. When I was in the classroom, I saw how my students struggled with this. But I worked with them to show the benefits of asking for help. For students this may come in the form of emailing a teacher, forming a study group or asking a friend or parent for help. This seems scary, but I always said to my students, 鈥淵ou aren鈥檛 admitting failure by asking for help.聽 You鈥檙e saying, 鈥楢t this time I am not as strong in this area as I would like to be.鈥欌��
• Eat a well-balanced diet and drink water. In a time of year filled with late night studying and rushing from event to event, this may be challenging. But it is one of the most important things we can do. Eating a well-balanced meal keeps your body fueled longer, stabilizes your mood and reduces blood pressure. I have found that planning out healthy meals in advance not only keeps me organized for the week, it also guarantees I will eat healthy and resist temptations to just pick up to go food. We hear the advice to drink water all the time, but when we get busy we often forget. Staying hydrated keeps our muscles energized and keeps us from getting fatigued. Keep a water bottle with you at all times. Fill it up when you find a water fountain. Your body will thank you!
• Exercise. Your schedule is jam-packed and you have a million things to do, so how on earth are you going to find time to exercise? The good news is that it doesn鈥檛 have to be a multi-hour gym session to get the benefits. The outlines recommended activity amounts for children and adults. I find scheduling your workout into your day and finding a friend or family member to go with you helps keep you on track. So find an activity you love, put it in your calendar and start moving!
• Take a break. This is easier said than done. But so important. Taking a break doesn鈥檛 mean giving up on the idea of completing everything that needs to be done, but rather taking a small break to clear your mind to get back into the grind. Take a break, rest your mind, and go outside.

Even taking one of these steps can have great benefits for getting through times of stress.

May is National Mental Health Awareness month. With the number of students experiencing a mental illness on the rise, it is our duty to help our students, children and friends get the help they need and to end the stigma that goes with it. The is a great resource for parents, teachers, and students to use.

How do you deal with stress? Share your tips in the comments below!

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Jennifer is the Program Coordinator for , 优蜜视频鈥檚 pioneering summer camps that unite gifted young people ages 10-15 with experts in highly able youth. In a nurturing setting, campers explore and grow the intellectual, social, emotional, spiritual, and physical aspects of their lives. Yunasa is the Lakota Sioux word for 鈥渂alance.鈥�

鈥淏reathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out, I smile. Dwelling in the present moment, I know this is the only moment.鈥�

-Tich Nhat Hanh, Zen Buddhist monk

At Yunasa, we begin each psychosynthesis session with a similar directive. Tich Nhat Hanh鈥檚 words remind us that all of life is held in this moment; his words encourage us to smile and seek gratitude for the moment we are in. Psychosynthesis, as practiced at Yunasa, is meant to cultivate balance amongst its participants, whose minds are often swirling with thoughts, anxieties, ideas, and observations, and for whom a peaceful moment is a true gift.

The word 鈥渂alance鈥� connotes an array of ideas 鈥� time management, sanity, stress-control, and lithe circus professionals sauntering across tight ropes. At Yunasa and within all of 优蜜视频鈥檚 programs, we strive to impart the type of balance that helps us to understand and interact with every piece of ourselves in an effort to pursue wholeness. In his commentary, 鈥淭he Heart of Understanding,鈥� Tich Nhat Hanh refers to the five elements that comprise a human being as five rivers that flow through every one of us: 鈥溾�he river of form, which means our body, the river of feelings, the river of perceptions, the river of mental formations, and the river of consciousness.鈥� These 鈥渞ivers鈥� are 鈥渕ade by the other four,鈥� he says. 鈥淭hey have to co-exist; they have to inter-be with all the others.鈥澛犅� Just as each limb, neuron, cell, blood particle, and organ work together to sustain physical existence, so do the body, myriad emotions, soul, mind, and relationships interconnect to create life experience. Thomas Merton, a Catholic Trappist monk, says, 鈥淭here is in all visible things鈥 hidden wholeness.鈥� We strive to be whole, to seek balance, because wholeness brings us closest to who we are 鈥� complex and alive.

The pursuit of wholeness requires vulnerability because it means that we are intentionally acknowledging parts of ourselves that are less developed, even broken. In our culture of social media, it is tempting to present a polished rendition of ourselves 鈥� the most attractive, the cleverest, the most sophisticated version 鈥� as though we are ashamed to reveal the bits that we are working on, the parts of ourselves that need help. If we are not careful, this tendency creeps into our real-world presentation of our self, as well; this self is safer, impervious, protected by the armor of contrived impeccability. To grow in understanding of ourselves, however, and to establish meaningful, mutually empathetic connections with others, we must embrace vulnerability. As Bren茅 Brown, author and public speaker, discusses in the podcast On Being: The willingness to approach life with our whole heart cannot be less than our willingness to be broken-hearted.

鈥淲e must make the choices that enable us to fulfill the deepest capacities of our real selves.鈥�

-Thomas Merton

We must take risks to be whole. For a shy intellectual, it might feel terrifying to acknowledge his innate need to integrate into an accepting community, especially if he suffers from the internal vituperation of , when every word that he uses to forge a connection with another leaves him riddled with doubt. Likewise, understanding the connection between one鈥檚 emotions and her physical reactions, or engaging her physicality through outdoor adventures, might seem scary for the individual whose exceptional gifts are rooted elsewhere. Some of us prefer to eschew emotion altogether in an effort to remain focused on our work or to avoid the discomfort emotion sometimes renders. To live in relationship with ourselves and others, to pursue wholeness and balance, we must, with vulnerability and honesty, take the necessary risks. Yunasa is important because it is a safe, accepting place to take these risks and to delve into intensive learning about ourselves and our world.

This is our intention: to develop our ability to relate to others and our capacity to empathize with different perspectives; to explore and cultivate our blazing intellect; to create honest connections with the world, with nature, and with our community; to grow in understanding of our range of emotions 鈥� intense, subtle, tender, and wildly uncomfortable; to engage the intricacies of our spirit 鈥� both delicate and resilient; and to acknowledge the interconnectedness of each of these pieces 鈥� how they influence and inform one another at every moment.

In seeking balance, we are not striving to achieve equilibrium amongst every element of our personhood. Living in balance does not mean that one鈥檚 social skills are on par with her ability to reason, or that one鈥檚 physical agility matches her profound emotional reaction to beauty in nature or literature or art. Balance isn鈥檛 a strange and unnatural perfection; rather, balance is to understand the relationship between all of our parts 鈥� the developed pieces and the fragile ones. A musician does not employ every note of his instrument simultaneously or with equality; if he did, the result would be shrill and offensive. Instead, he creates an interaction between each of the notes; they complement one another, culminating in mellifluous accord 鈥� beautiful and alive.

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One of the questions we routinely ask applicants during an interview for a position with 优蜜视频 is: 鈥淗ow do you deal with stress?鈥�

If one were to ask me that, I would have several answers鈥攖ake deep breaths, go for a walk, or listen to music, for example鈥攂ut the answer that would describe the tactic that is first and most effective for me would be, 鈥淛ournal about the situation.鈥�

My good friend鈥檚 father is a very wise, very prominent businessman. One piece of advice I will always remember from him is, 鈥淚f you are mad, write a letter. Don鈥檛 mail it. Put it in your desk drawer and sleep on it. If you are still mad the next day, then you can mail it, but usually by then, you won鈥檛 want to.鈥�

Writing things down is a way to get situations and feelings out and to express them, to see them in a new light. The very act of writing is cathartic. In , Mary Gordon says:

Writing by hand is laborious, and that is why typewriters were invented. But I believe that the labor has virtue, because of its very physicality. For one thing it involves flesh, blood and the thingness of pen and paper, those anchors that remind us that, however thoroughly we lose ourselves in the vortex of our invention, we inhabit a corporeal world.

There are many ways to journal; travel-writing, write on a topic, describe yesterday, scribble thoughts of your future goals, aspirations, hopes and fears. One of the most effective ways for me to journal is . One example of this is the Morning Pages, made popular by Julia Cameron in her seminal book, The Artist鈥檚 Way (1992). In it, she says, 鈥淧ut simply, the morning pages are three pages of longhand writing, strictly steam-of-consciousness: 鈥極h, god, another morning. I have NOTHING to say. I need to wash the curtains. Did I get my laundry yesterday? Blah-blah-blah鈥︹�欌��

Cameron assures us, 鈥�There is no wrong way to do morning pages. These daily morning meanderings are not meant to be art. Or even writing. I stress that point to reassure the nonwriters鈥ages are meant to be, simply, the act of moving the hand across the page and writing down whatever comes to mind. Nothing is too petty, too silly, too stupid, or too weird to be included.鈥�

One key to getting the most out of Morning Pages is that they do not need to 鈥渟ound smart鈥�, and they are not meant to be read. By anyone. Including you. You shouldn鈥檛 read them yourself for at least two months, if ever. The point is to get the thoughts out, not to analyze them.

It doesn鈥檛 matter whether you are a writer or a carpenter, there is something useful in journaling. As Brenda Ueland said, 鈥渨riting is talking, thinking, on paper. And the more impulsive and immediate the writing the closer it is to the thinking, which it should be鈥�.It has shown me more and more what I am 鈥� what to discard in myself and what to respect and love鈥� (If You Want to Write, 1938).

So, as a method of meditation or stress-management or introspection, I invite you to write. As Julia says, 鈥淛ust write three pages, and stick them into an envelope. Or write three pages in a spiral notebook and don鈥檛 leaf back through. Just write three pages鈥nd write three more pages the next day.鈥� And please, let me know as it helps you create peace in your day.

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