Jennifer danced competitively for nine years growing up. Her dance career finished on a high note as a four-year letter winner on her college dance team.

Many gifted children are perfectionists who put a lot of pressure on themselves to perform at the highest level. Many are also prone to anxiety when put in high-pressure situations. Because of this, we often advise parents to help their gifted children find non-competitive extracurricular activities that will alleviate some of this pressure and allow the children to find their passions at their own pace and level. Sometimes, however, gifted children with the tendencies just described can find themselves passionate about something that is competitive by nature. You don鈥檛 want to discourage them from pursuing their passions, but you may see that perfectionism, anxiety, or introversion is getting in the way of their success 鈥� and happiness 鈥� in this competitive activity. So, how do you help your child in this situation?

I was an introverted, anxious, gifted child who loved to dance. Throughout my childhood, my parents had enrolled me in many extracurricular activities so that I could try new things and find something I was passionate about outside of school. At age 9, I took my first dance class and never looked back.

Dance class was good for me. It kept me active when the rest of the time I just wanted to read. It gave me a creative outlet to express myself. As someone who didn鈥檛 struggle (read: 鈥渨asn鈥檛 challenged鈥�) much academically until high school, dance was something I liked but that I wasn鈥檛 automatically good at, so it also taught me a lot about pushing myself and setting goals and working towards them.

But dancing meant performing. What鈥檚 more, I enjoyed competitive dance. Competitions gave me constructive feedback, and they allowed me to work on something throughout the year and see progress from one competition to another. Plus, most studios in my area competed because doing so provided more opportunities to perform. I liked competitive dance, but the act of competing gave me tremendous anxiety. By definition, I was being judged. The stress competition created in me caused my body to react in seriously unhealthy ways. I couldn鈥檛 get myself to eat during competition; I didn鈥檛 get hungry and nothing tasted edible. I didn鈥檛 sleep the night before competition. My stomach would act up. The pressure affected my dancing 鈥� moves that I had mastered in the studio resulted in major bobbles onstage.

Susan Cain describes a similar situation . She was a competitive figure skater as a child, and the nerves that made some skaters the best in the world caused her to flounder.

Here are some tips from Cain:

• Help your child understand himself; identify the primary source of the anxiety 鈥� fear of public failure, for example 鈥� and encourage him to accept it once it has been named.
• Help your child understand that being nervous will not automatically equate to failure.
• Encourage your child to 鈥渆nter low-stakes competitions far away from home, where she will feel anonymous and no one will know if she鈥� fails (261).
• Help your child learn how to fail gracefully.
• Make sure that your child has practiced thoroughly.
• Try to arrange for your child to practice in the same environment in which he will compete if the location is unfamiliar.
• Talk through the consequences of failure in this situation, helping her see that life will go on if she makes a mistake or loses.
• Help your child visualize a successful performance or game.

Additionally, some helpful strategies my parents employed with me were:

• Remind your child that no one is perfect. Demonstrate this by pointing out your own imperfections over time.
• Teach your child that he does not have to be 鈥渢he best鈥� at anything. My parents did this by telling me that there will always be someone better than I at a given task. Unless your child is the undisputed champion of the world in the field of choice, this will hold true for him, as well. They then encouraged me to aspire and work towards being the best without expecting it to be the case.
• Make sure that your child has the opportunity to be as prepared as she can possibly be, and then remind her that that is the case. Plenty of practice at the 100% effort that your child puts into everything she does means that she did everything possible to prepare. That is the best she can do in that moment.
• Help your child remain focused on why he participates in this competitive activity. Bring him back to the love and passion for the activity that brought about the desire for participating in competitions in the first place.

Some of this is much easier said than done. However, over time, these lessons will hopefully become engrained in your child鈥檚 consciousness, until one day, she steps out on stage with just the right level of nerves to execute the best dance performance of her life and is completely at peace when that is not enough to win because she is really there to just do what she loves.

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Several years ago, as I was looking for content to share on 优蜜视频鈥檚 social networks one day, I stumbled across a . I found myself captivated by everything she was saying. She discussed introverts in an extraverted world, and I felt like she was speaking directly to me. I knew that a higher percentage of gifted kids are introverted than is the case for the general population, and it made me think about how many of our kids 鈥� and their parents 鈥� would feel the same sense of relief, self-understanding, and self-acceptance that I felt after hearing what Susan Cain had to say in that talk.

From that moment, I knew I needed to learn more about introversion, and most of the articles I casually came across on the subject referenced Cain鈥檚 book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can鈥檛 Stop Talking. Upon reading that book, I realized why: Cain discusses introversion in relatable, understandable ways that bring value to a wide variety of audiences.

I continue to find myself thinking about and referencing Quiet, even though years have passed since I read the book, so I wanted to share its value with those of you who have not had the pleasure of reading it yet.

What Is In the Book

Quiet explores many aspects of introversion and extroversion from scientific, historic, cultural and social standpoints. Cain discusses:

• Both introversion and extroversion, explaining that one is not better than the other, but rather different.
• The difference between introversion and shyness, helping to dispel the myth that all introverts are shy.
• Famous introverts and how they harnessed their 鈥減ower鈥� as introverts to become successful.
• The science and history behind introversion.
• Other traits associated with introversion.
• The cultural context of how introversion and extroversion are viewed.
• How we deal with these traits.
• To what these traits translate.

The book is not trying to prove that introverts are better. Instead, it discusses that introversion is valuable 鈥� that introverts and extroverts each bring important dynamics that are valuable together 鈥� but that right now introverts are being squelched, so she is speaking up for them.

Why I Recommend It, Even for Extroverts

I highly recommend this book to introverts as well as extroverts who love and/or work with introverts. This book is a great one for parents of gifted children who are introverts, which is a great many of you. It is also good for teachers, who are charged with shaping young minds in an environment most often suited for extroverts.

Cain is extremely informative about the science and history behind her arguments while still keeping the tone of the book fairly conversational most of the time. Cain references a great deal of academic research that helps lend credibility to her perspective but often relies on stories to truly illustrate her points. I know she鈥檚 credible because she proves she鈥檚 done her research, and I understand her points easily because she makes them human and relatable. This is a difficult balance to strike, but Cain does it extremely well.

Additionally, you can put as little or as much thought into this book as you want. You can simply聽read what Cain writes and get a fairly good understanding of introversion. If you want to learn more, Cain references many studies throughout the book that you can explore. You might also use the book as a jumping off point for a great deal of inner reflection, which is what I did a great deal; I thought quite a bit about how I do or don鈥檛 fit into the picture Cain paints of introverts, resulting in a lot of underlining and notes in the margins.

The book is primarily written for introverts – to empower them to be themselves, to help them learn about themselves, and to teach them how introversion, a trait not traditionally embraced in our culture, can be used positively in many situations. However, as Cain points out, we do live in a society with an 鈥淓xtrovert Ideal鈥�. Clearly understanding the difference between introverts and extroverts as well as knowing what introverts can bring to the table is useful for everyone, regardless of where you fall on the introvert-extrovert spectrum. The book also addresses introvert-extrovert relationships, which makes the book valuable for those extroverts who have close relationships with introverts, including significant others, parents, children, and close friends.

It is so important for us to teach our kids that they should be themselves, but our culture values extroversion so highly that it is difficult for our introverts to understand the value of this trait. Let鈥檚 understand introversion and extroversion better so we can help our children embrace who they are and the strengths they bring to the table.

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I love . Whenever I need a break from my day-to-day routine, I watch a TEDTalk and lose myself in the brilliance of people and their ideas.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with TEDTalks, let me give you a brief overview of TED. TED is a private, nonprofit organization that was founded in 1984, with the objective of hosting an annual conference on Technology, Entertainment, and Design鈥攈ence the acronym, TED.

Since then, TED has grown; it now hosts global conferences and events throughout the year and has expanded its scope to include leaders from various fields and disciplines, such as medicine, education, economics, anthropology, and music. At these conferences, notable speakers like Jane Goodall, Bill Gates, and Nobel Prize winners confront audiences with issues, ideas, and phenomena that seek to inspire passion and curiosity.

TED鈥檚 goal is simple: To spread ideas. According to its mission statement, 鈥淲e believe passionately in the power of ideas to change attitudes, lives, and ultimately, the world. So we’re building here a clearinghouse that offers free knowledge and inspiration from the world’s most inspired thinkers, and also a community of curious souls to engage with ideas and each other.鈥� Thus, TED decided to release and post its 鈥渢alks鈥� online, making them free and accessible to our global community of learners. Since launching its website in 2007, TED has posted 1,356 videos online, which have been viewed almost 1 billion times worldwide.

With so many talks readily available, my efforts of selecting only five videos proved to be more difficult than I had anticipated. But for your viewing pleasure, here are my top five most powerful, informative, and stimulating TEDTalks for parents of gifted children. Enjoy!

5.
In her discussion, writer Susan Cain speaks about introversion and questions why it is undervalued in our society. She calls for a celebration of introverted-ness and offers three suggestions for changing the ways we view introversion.

Favorite quote: 鈥淭here’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.鈥�

4.
Professor of education Sugata Mitra describes his global 鈥淗ole in the Wall鈥� experiments, where children are given access to computers and the Internet. Through these experiments, Mitra illustrates how, when given the resources, groups of children learn from each other and become 鈥渟elf-organizing systems.鈥�

Favorite quote: 鈥淐hildren will learn to do what they want to learn to do.鈥�

3.
In this inspirational video, then twelve-year-old child prodigy Adora Svitak asks her adult audience to reexamine the ways they view children as 鈥渋rrational鈥� and 鈥渋rresponsible鈥� beings. Rather, children should be acknowledged and valued for their abilities to imagine the possibilities of tomorrow.

Favorite quote: 鈥淟earning between grown-ups and kids should be reciprocal. The reality, unfortunately, is a little different, and it has a lot to do with trust, or a lack of it.鈥�

2.
In this 20-minute talk, Temple Grandin demonstrates how autistic minds process information and urges us to nurture these varied ways of thinking as resources in our twice-exceptional youth.

Favorite quote: 鈥淣ow the thing is, the world is going to need all of the different kinds of minds to work together. We鈥檝e got to work on developing all these different kinds of minds.鈥�

1.

In this comical but informative discussion, Ken Robinson examines our education system in relation to creativity. Like Adora Svitak, he stresses that children have amazing capabilities and 鈥渃apacities for innovation.鈥� However, Robinson argues that creativity is being squandered in our classrooms, where academic abilities are placed at a higher premium than other types of intelligences.

Favorite quote: 鈥淢y contention is that creativity now is as important in education as literacy, and we should treat it with the same status.鈥�

Do you have a favorite TEDTalk? Share your favorite in the comment section below!

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