My cousin’s birthday is February 28.  I often think that, had she been born one day later, she would be a quarter of her age.  Of course, she wouldn’t really only be ¼ of her years, but would only have had a ¼ of her birthdays.  In doing a bit of research on the subject (thank you, Wiki) it appears there are actually rules about this.  Birthdays of people who are born on February 29^th are recognized on February 28^th in non-leap years for purposes of reaching majority.

But this got me to thinking, what other connections could be made about Leap Day / Leap Year?

First, we need to figure out when leap years happen. Leap day, or February 29^th, falls in any year that is divisible by four, EXCEPT for years that are divisible by 100.  (But a year divisible by 400 still contains a leap day and is a leap year.)

So, 1900 is not a leap year, but 2000 was.  Leap years occur in years ending in the following cycle: 0,4,8,2,6.  (e.g. 2020, 2024 2028, 2032, 2036, 2040).

This convoluted system was created in an effort to keep seasons where they are on the calendar, because an actual solar year is 6 hours longer than 365 days. Without the adjustment of a leap day, seasons would eventually shift to occur in different months.

Fun facts:

• I graduated in a leap year, so most of my graduating class turned 18 in a leap year.
• Presidential Elections happen in a leap year.
• In “the old days,” the Olympics always fell on a leap year. The Summer and Winter Olympics used to be held in the same year every four years until 1992.  While the Summer Olympics are still held in a leap year, the Winter Olympics were moved to be two years after the Summer Olympics and are held every four years since 1994.
• Whatever configuration of days February falls, March and November are the same – except in leap year. So, if February 1 falls on Monday, then so does March 1 and November 1, but in leap years this goes out the window.
• Whatever day of the week a certain date fell on last year, this year will always be the day after – unless last year was a leap year. So, March 1 fell on Wednesday in 2017,  Thursday in 2018, Friday in 2019… but this year it’s on Sunday, so that rule isn’t really helpful.
• There are many “famous birthdays, deaths and historic events” that happened on February 29^th, but being a hockey fan, this is my favorite: in 1980, Gordie Howe of the then Hartford Whalers made NHL history when he scored his 800th goal.

One last tidbit:  because Chinese New Years cycle through every 12 years, the year of the Rat is always in a leap year. (Unless the year is divisible by 100 but not 400, as per the rules above.)  The year of the Dragon and Monkey also occur only in leap years.  Or another way to think about it; leap years only occur in the year of the Dragon, Monkey, or Rat.

And, because I love numbers and spreadsheets, here is a chart, just for you!

Happy Leap Day!

As we near the end of the year, I have been thinking about New Year Resolutions.

I was recently reading an old journal of mine and saw a list of tasks I wanted to accomplish before year end. Because the page wasn’t dated, I didn’t know what year the list was from.  The tasks ranged from “groceries/laundry” to “redesign shelving in guest room.”  This list could have been from today, as many of the items on the list are my current “to-dos.”  It reiterated for me the cyclical nature of our lives, (wash, rinse, repeat) and how we can get mired in the minutiae, if we don’t stop to focus on the big picture.

Julia Cameron wrote in The Artist’s Way that the journey to the mountain top is a spiral.  She explained that, at any point you will see a similar view, but not the same view as you see on the spiral level below you.

Because progress has been made.

Even though the tasks, chores and goals seem like the same tasks, chores and goals as last year, WE are different WEs.

That list I initially mentioned turned out to be from 2017.  I only pieced it together because it said, “file 2017 taxes,” but the other goals were very similar to what I have charted out for myself for 2020. 

So this year, rather than creating a checklist of tasks to accomplish, I am choosing to focus on less quantifiable and more qualitative resolutions.

*I am compassionate

*I am brave

*I am healthy

I confess, this shift was partly inspired by Karamo Brown of “Queer Eye”, but also by the sense that ticking boxes in the “done” column doesn’t necessarily lead me to a sense of pride or self-fulfillment.  If the goals I’m achieving aren’t directly resulting in a sense of peace and accomplishment, then perhaps they are not the most useful goals.

Karamo was helping a guest create a vision board and he shared, “The only thing [the previous vision board] was doing every day was reminding you that you didn’t accomplish something.  The new vision board is going to include who you ARE.  When you work on BEING, all those other things are just going to work.”

Yes, laundry has to get done, but will I actually feel like I’ve grown as a person if my resolution of “I do laundry every Sunday in 2020” gets completed? Will it matter if I don’t do laundry every Sunday?  Personally, I don’t think so. Goals should help you move the needle from where you are to where you can be, with a sense of joy and purpose, not dread and duty.  Perhaps a stronger goal would be, “I am calm and clear-headed, and my home is a reflection of my inner peace.”

After setting resolutions that inspire you, then tasks can be created to help keep you on track, and in alignment with those resolutions, as we move farther up the spiral of experience.  This year, rather than creating a potential list of all the things we failed at or didn’t get done, let’s create goals that are fun to reach for and that will help us feel like better people at the end of the year.

I can’t wait to see who we become in 2020.

The Institute for Educational Advancement was honored to be awarded a grant from the Annenberg Foundation to participate in the 2019 cohort of Alchemy Tech, a pilot program developed in partnership with the Nonprofit Technology Network (NTEN,) that is focused exclusively on technology capacity building for nonprofits in Los Angeles County. The kickoff to the program began with attending the Nonprofit Technology Conference (NTC) hosted by NTEN.

LOCATION AND VENUE

Portland, Oregon, Oregon Convention Center, March 13-15, 2019

Having never been to Portland, I was pleasantly surprised at how beautiful the downtown area is. The transit system makes getting around very easy, and almost everything I needed was within walking distance. There is no shortage of places to eat; from fine-dining to quick on-the-go meals, downtown Portland has something for everyone. (BlueStar donuts, anyone?)

CONTENT

Offerings

The conference ran for three days, and each day there were at least three sessions. There were over 130 topics to choose from, grouped by categories: IT, Fundraising, Leadership, Marketing/Communications, and Program, in addition to the keynotes and vendor presentations. In the main hall, there were over 100 vendors and suppliers ready to answer questions about various platforms and services. I definitely experienced information overload, but every session I attended gave me new insights and ideas into how to apply technology to our Pasadena-based organization.

Collaborative Notes

The conference is centered around technology, so it would stand to reason that technology would play a huge part in the delivery of information. An app allowed you to see the complete schedule of events, and by marking your favorites, create a mini vetted itinerary for yourself. In addition, either through the app or through a web browser, attendees were able to view notes provided for each session and contribute note-taking to the collaborative platform. After the conference concluded, speakers’ slide decks were also made available through the portal.

Learning Outcomes

Unfortunately, as many offerings as there were, one could only choose one topic per time slot to participate in. Perhaps future technology will allow for time-travel, cloning, or parallel-universe existence, but I did not have access to those this year.

Instead, I tried to attend sessions in various categories, sort of a “survey / 101” approach. As ������Ƶ is migrating to a new database this year, I learned key concepts around migrating data and keeping it clean, best-practices for implementing those changes, and specific questions to ask the team about goals and focus areas. I learned about various integrative delivery methods for deep content, such as the report on the Poll Results on Gifted Education going live this month. I attended sessions on succession-planning; mapping digital ecosystems; how to have effective project management from a staff resources, as well as,

a platform and reporting structure viewpoint; how to reach target audiences through crowdfunding and peer to peer networking; and even tools and tricks for creating an efficient and user-friendly financial dashboard that key stakeholders (board members, staff, foundations) can utilize with minimal time requirements.

ACTIVITIES

In addition to the actual conference, attendees arranged for various get-togethers and tours around the city each day. The conference hosted a party at the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry Thursday night, and key sponsors of the event (Microsoft and EveryAction) hosted mixers at the Convention Center.

PEOPLE

Finally, the conference provided excellent networking opportunities with fellow cohort members of the Annenberg Alchemy Tech program, NTEN employees, speakers and vendors, and fellow attendees who found each other through the “Birds of a Feather” lunch tables coordinated by the event.

The experience was eye-opening and incredibly valuable, and our team is already implementing strategies and projects inspired by the event. Look for announcements from ������Ƶ in the coming months regarding new platforms and technology, as we grow into the next phase of our development!

The 2020 NTC will be held at the Baltimore Convention Center in Baltimore, MD, March 24 -26.

RESOURCES AND REFERENCES

https://annenberg.org/what-we-do/alchemy/alchemy-tech/ https://www.nten.org/ntc/program/agenda/?page=day-2 https://www.oregoncc.org/ https://omsi.edu/

In the non-profit world, donors are the lifeblood of an organization. Though many programs charge fees for services, these fees usually do not cover the full expense of an individual’s participation, let alone any free programs and services offered to the community. These expenses must be covered through other revenue sources, in order for an organization to stay in business and continue offering the programs and services in its catalogue. For the most part, these other revenue sources are made up from foundation or government grants and individual gifts.   

More and more organizations are making a recurring gift payment option available to donors. These gifts can be monthly, quarterly or annually. Having sustaining gifts is a huge benefit to the non-profit for several reasons.

1. Knowing there are promised funds coming in allows the organization to better understand its cash flow and plan for future expenses, and can be the difference between running a program and canceling it.
2. Unlike one-time gifts, which are included in an organization’s financial statements as cash, pledges are included as assets. This translates to the health of the organization.    
3. Foundations often look at an organization’s gift history to see how much of the community supports the entity’s activities. Pledges are one way to demonstrate the community’s involvement.

What is the Nautilus Society?

The Nautilus Society is ������Ƶ’s recurring donation program. It was founded in 2000 by a group of generous donors committed to the long-term success of the Institute for Educational Advancement (������Ƶ). A Nautilus Society Member has made a pledge to give the same amount or greater for three consecutive years. Pledges of this sort demonstrate a belief in the organization’s mission and a promise to support the cause or project on an ongoing basis. 

Why Nautilus?

By joining the Nautilus Society, you are helping to ensure that ������Ƶ is able to continue providing its award-winning initiatives to highly gifted children for years to come. Your gift directly serves individuals and makes it possible for others to have the same experiences you or your child had in our programs.

Every gift helps.

As we say on our website, “our goal is to never turn children away due to a lack of resources. Your support helps ������Ƶ serve highly able and creative youth of all backgrounds, so no matter where they’ve been, they will have the tools to travel anywhere they want to go.”

You can become a member of the Nautilus Society by visiting and selecting Annual Nautilus Pledge and updating the Frequency to match your desired giving date.

Do you remember that song by Living Color? It was about perception, and how we value what we think of as success and achievement, without really understanding everything going on underneath someone’s public persona. 

Sometimes that perception, or others’ expectation of us, can be frustrating. For example, an actor being typecast often complains that they are stifled creatively. Yet every fledging actor wishes they were typecast, because that means you’re known for “something” and will be the person that casting agents think of when they need that trait; essentially, you’re more likely to be a working actor. Similarly you go to a particular restaurant when you want a particular menu item, but unless you’re craving that dish you often don’t think of that restaurant.

Recently, a friend and I were talking about various personality sorters and different ways to categorize yourself.

Keirsey Temperament: E or I? S or N? T or F? J or P?
Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholy?
Red, Blue, Yellow, or Green?
What Enneagram # are you?
What’s your zodiac? Chinese horoscope? Native American Totem Animal?

And then, beyond personality, inherent qualities such as what ethnicity are you? What’s your age? Are you right or left-handed, or ambidextrous?  Are you tall or short? Pitta, vata, kapha? Blond, brunette, or redhead?

And preferences: what’s your favorite sports team?  Are you a dog or cat person? Democrat, Republican or Independent?  Would you rather read a book or watch a movie?

So why is this list of characteristics seemingly non-sequitur? Because that’s how personality is. It’s various facets of ourselves. We are not one thing. We are a combination of facts and figures, circumstances and opinions, experiences and dreams; these combinations make us unique individuals.

It’s fun to find similarities between individuals, because this allows us to identify with a group, to be a part of something and not feel alone.  “You’re an Aquarius? So am I!”  “I love that movie/book/hobby/flavor of ice cream.”  We now have a framework for relating, a jumping off point for future conversations.

And often we do this by deciding what we’re NOT.  “I am NOT a fan of snow.”  “I do NOT like to travel.”  “I am NOT comfortable speaking in front of crowds.”

Sometimes, however, this can be polarizing, creating an “Us vs. Them” situation and lead to discrimination, prejudice and alienation of a person or group.

I frequently come across this when discussing temperament. All the Introverts band together against the Extraverts, and each find behaviors about the other group that annoy them or that they “just don’t get.”

But we are stronger together.  I believe there is more value in finding out where those differences are,  seeking places where others are strong that you are weaker in, so their skills and abilities can complement your own, and vice versa.  This synergy creates a space where gaps in what you can accomplish are filled.  The key is to keep an open mind, and try not to pre-judge.  “Tolerance” is not a strong enough word.  “Acceptance” implies a grudging acquiescence.  I say appreciate, embrace, and celebrate our differences.  We are more than the sum of our parts, both individually, and as community.

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“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”― 

As we attempt new challenges, we are faced with opportunities for growth, and change, but with those opportunities comes the risk of failure. While we intellectually understand that, in order to grow we must take chances and try things we cannot accomplish until the skill has been learned, it doesn’t seem to help how we feel about failing.

Rose Costas said, in her article “,”  “We fail because we are growing, we are exploring and we want solutions to life’s problems.  When you have failed and have gotten over your disappointment, you are much more likely to dig deeper within you for strength you didn’t even know you had.  You will realize what you are truly made of and how resilient you are.”

In his book, , Tim Harford writes, “We’re so anxious not to “draw a line under a decision we regret” that we end up causing still more damage while trying to erase it.”  He gives the example of poker players who’ve lost money and make riskier bets than they’d normally take, in an attempt to win the lost money back and “erase the mistake.”

But the thought process that we engage in after a failure can be the thing that strengthens or diminishes our ability to succeed in future endeavors.  So how can we train ourselves to respond positively to defeat?

When we experience a win, our brains release endorphins, dopamine and serotonin, which encourage us to engage in a task again.  When we experience a failure, our brains release cortisol and do not leave us with feelings of acceptance and safety.

Neurologist Judy Willis, MD, shares that  “neuroimaging studies reveal….there are specific and reproducible patterns of changing neural activity and brain structures associated with stress.”  She states that in the high-stress state, scans reveal less activity in the higher, reflective brain and more activity in the lower, reactive brain that directs involuntary behaviors and emotional responses and that, over time, the density and speed of the neuron-to-neuron connections in the emotion-driven reactive networks of the lower brain increase and corresponding connections in prefrontal cortex conscious control centers decrease.

Basically, dwelling on outcomes can make the neuropathways stronger, so a more helpful activity is to rewire your brain to get used to the feeling of succeeding, rather than the expectation of failure.  She recommends setting goals that allow you to  experience “frequent recognition feedback of incremental progress.” Reaching these goals will release dopamine, which creates feelings of satisfaction, increases motivation, curiosity, perseverance and memory.”

Dr. Mills advises, “Since your goal is to rewire your brain’s expectations that your efforts will yield progress, even through increasing challenge, you need to really want the goal. This is not the time to challenge yourself with something you feel you should do but won’t really look forward to doing, such as dieting, climbing stadium stairs, or flossing after every meal. Select a goal that you would enjoy en route and at the finish.”

This does not mean we should eliminate the risk for failure, else we stop growing.  In his article “Positive Intelligence,” author reminds us “It’s important to remember that stress has an upside.”  His advice for when you’re overwhelmed (or focusing on failures) is to make a list of the stresses you’re under.  Separate them into two groups – the ones you can control and those you can’t  – and then choose one item that you can control and come up with a small, concrete step you can take to reduce it. In this way you can nudge your brain back to a positive—and productive—mind-set.

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As the head of the HR department, I am usually one of the first gatekeepers in receiving applications for employment.

At ������Ƶ, because we work with highly intelligent children and families, we insist on high quality employees.  This means that a successful candidate for ANY position can spell, understands grammar, pays attention to detail, edits their work, and pretty much accepts nothing short of excellence from themselves.

So when we post a job description, we always ask for a cover letter and résumé to be sent to the hiring staff member’s attention.

Here are some “pointers” (aka requirements) for when you are submitting résumés to a workplace, regardless of field.

The Cover Letter

• If asked for a cover letter and résumé, it’s best to include a COVER LETTER, not a three sentence email message.
• Be sure to address the letter to the appropriate person. I have received letters addressed to Zadra Ibañez at ������Ƶ, only to have the opening line read, “Dear Sally.”
• In today’s world, unless you KNOW you are writing to men, it is not going to endear you to the hiring committee to write “Dear Sirs.”
• Be sure the name and mission of the organization you are applying to are what you indicate in your cover letter. For example, ������Ƶ is NOT an insurance firm.
• Likewise, be sure you are applying for the correct job. “Director of Development” at a non-profit is not a software designer’s position.
• A cover letter should show me three things:
  • You can write and spell and have a command of the English language.
  • You are a real person with personality and experience – I can see if you’re a good fit for the office culture and my organization.
  • Tell me something that doesn’t appear in your résumé, or explain WHY something isn’t in your résumé. For example, use this as an opportunity to address the 3-year gap in your work history.
• It’s a really small thing, but ask a friend to proofread your cover letter and résumé. Typos, grammar errors, etc., will get your résumé flagged to the “no” pile immediately.

The Résumé

• Résumés should be one to two pages long. They should be a snapshot of your professional career, allowing the hiring committee to find pertinent sections to ask you about in an interview.  Like a teaser for a television show.
• If you list an objective, it should not be, “to get a position at your company.” Instead, tell me what securing this position will do for your professional career or what you can accomplish with this position.  Great examples are:
  • “To utilize previous office experience in a non-profit setting.”
  • “To provide support services to the gifted community through coordination of specialized programs.”
  • “To attain on-the-job training in a leadership role that will allow me to develop management skills to grow within the company.”
• Please don’t spell “detail-oriented” wrong. Please don’t say, “I have great attention detail.”  (Oh! The irony.)
• If your previous title was Systems Analyst, please don’t tell me you analyzed systems. I most likely figured that out.  Instead, use the space to list accomplishments, achievements or specific responsibilities you had in that role.
• Likewise, if you told me in your cover letter that you successfully saved a company thousands of dollars, or created an entire system for organization, you don’t need to tell me again in the description of the job.
• Unless I am hiring a high school student, I don’t care about your GPA. There’s no need to list it on your résumé.  I will assume that you have a 4.0 unless you prove otherwise.
• Hobbies are nice; they’re a friendly touch at the bottom of your résumé that makes you look like a real person. They should not be the bulk of your résumé.

Extras

• “Pictures of You” – I prefer that you not include them. If you include a picture, it puts me in the position of having to discount the image and try not to let my thoughts of your appearance, dress, choice of pose, setting, etc., interfere with my judgement of your ability and fit.  It just muddies the waters.
• “M-O-N-E-Y” – Do not include salary history unless it is requested. You are seeking a new position, not a lateral move.  I may think you are worth more than you think you are.  I may see your previous rate and think you are out of my price range, without offering you a chance to meet me and show me how valuable you may be to our organization.  Either way, you have limited your negotiation power.
• “People You Know” – It is a good idea to bring a list of professional and personal references to the interview. However, it is not necessary to include them with the résumé.

Whether it is for a non-profit, for-profit or government agency, anyone hiring for a position is on your side.  We are rooting for you to succeed, because, the sooner we find the right candidate, the sooner we can all focus on serving our constituents.  If you are able to demonstrate that you have the qualifications needed and are a good fit for our organization, you will be able to provide much needed support for our team and ultimately our mission.  By following the pointers above, you can help bring our search and yours to a fruitful conclusion, and begin a great relationship that could last for years.

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Executive skills are those cognitive abilities and habits that allow us to be organized, to plan and implement action.  They are essential to being productive and to completing goals and projects.  We learn these very early on, from rote (A-B-C’s and colors) helping us to strengthen our memory, to learning to play well with others in the proverbial sandbox.  But what do these skills have to do with our success later in life?  How do they translate to a professional environment, aka, “Why do I need to learn this?”

A quick survey of professional development experts and their websites tells us that many executive skillsets are common among the differing methodologies.  This suggests that improving these functions is precisely what leads to great leadership qualities.

Understood.org¹ lists 8 Key Executive Functions:

Impulse Control

Think before you act, envision the consequences of your actions before the action is taken.  Stephen R. Covey, in his seminal work The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People², suggests that we have a choice in how we react to a given situation, and that decision determines the outcome of that experience. This also plays a part in “doing what we want” vs. “doing what we need to.”

Emotional Control

Remain Calm. It helps to separate emotion from experience; learning to take constructive criticism and alter one’s trajectory is a huge growth opportunity. Being able to communicate without excessive emotion helps develop trust. It can be seen in Covey’s tenet, “Think Win-Win,” which allows us to consider a circumstance as an opportunity for all parties to be happy with the outcome, rather than a win-lose mentality.

This is also what allows us to Synergize, to work with others for a result that is stronger than if we each acted alone. This skill is of utmost importance in teamwork.

Flexible Thinking

Being flexible, adaptive, and able to modify course based on new information allows us to capitalize on changes to create the best outcome in a project. It helps to Clarify³ the project’s goals, and then modify as you go based on new information.  Another area where being flexible helps one to excel is in listening.  Covey recommends that we “Seek First to Understand – then to be Understood.”  This enables us to get to the heart of the matter quickly, offering valuable insight for a project’s completion.

Working Memory

Practicing remembering facts, learning new subject matter, and developing mnemonic devices to assist with retention and recall are excellent ways to develop a stronger working memory.  In addition, being organized and utilizing tools and methods to help you remember will make it easier to access key information.

Organization

This, in turn will help you organize your thoughts, to be able to effectively communicate an idea or to plan a project.  The first step in David Allen’s “Getting Things Done” method is to Capture and then Organize information³.

Planning and Prioritizing

Franklin Covey once published a booklet titled How to Eat an Elephant.  The booklet outlined steps for success starting with Covey’s “Begin with the End in Mind.” Being able to envision the end result will help construct a plan for achieving a large or long-range goal.  Consider goals and break them down into smaller, bite-sized pieces.  Simon Sinek’s Start with Why⁴ and Brian Tracy’s “The Seven Leadership Qualities of Great Leaders”⁵ both speak of Vision.  In addition to Strategic Planning, prioritizing and thinking with the big picture in mind, beginning the process with value-based goals helps us Focus on mission-driven decisions, so that our activities will ultimately be effective and satisfying.  Covey expresses this by reminding us to “Put First Things First.”

Task Initiation

Once all the pieces are in place, one must actually take action!  Allen recommends that we Engage³.  Covey recommends that we Be Proactive².  Sinek and Tracy state Action is the final necessary ingredient for success.  Yvon Choinard, founder of Patagonia said, “There is no difference between a pessimist who says, “oh, it’s hopeless, so don’t bother doing anything,” and an optimist who says, “don’t bother doing anything, it’s going to turn out fine anyway.” Either way, nothing happens.

Self-Monitoring

Allen recommends that we Reflect on the outcome of our activity.  Did what we do create the result we expected?  Are there ways to be more efficient?  Regular, routine check-ins allow us to monitor our progress and decide whether we have met milestones on the way to our goals. Covey also advocates for us to take care of ourselves by Sharpening the Saw, as we cannot provide or contribute if we are not healthy mentally and physically.

1. Morin, Amanda. “At a Glance: 8 Key Executive Functions.” Understood.org. Web. 27 Jan. 2017.
2. Covey, Stephen. ” 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.” StephenCovey.com. Web. 27 Jan. 2017.
   1. https://www.stephencovey.com/7habits/7habits.php
3. Getting Things Done®. Web. 27 Jan. 2017.
   1. gettingthingsdone.com
4. Sinek, Simon. “Start with Why.” StartwithWhy.com. Web. 27 Jan. 2017
5. Tracy, Brian. “7 Leadership Qualities and Attributes of Great Leaders.” BrianTracy.com. 14 Oct. 2016. Web. 27 Jan. 2017.

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With elections right around the corner, and the MLB Playoffs in action, I have been thinking about a topic which often intrigues me: Us and Them.

Simon Sinek, in his presentation titled, shares an anecdote.

“How many of you are from New York? Are you friends with everybody in New York? No.  But when you go to Los Angeles and you meet someone from New York you’re like, ‘Hey, I’m from New York!’ and you’re best friends.  And when you go to France, you’re on the Paris Metro minding your own business and you hear an American accent behind you, you turn around and you say, ‘Hey, where are you from?’ and they say, ‘I’m from Los Angeles,’ and you say, ‘I’m from New York!’ and you’re best friends.”

Sinek shares that, “when you’re surrounded by people who don’t believe what you believe, when you’re in a strange environment where you don’t feel comfortable, you look for anyone who may share some of the same values and beliefs that you have and you start to build a very real bond with them.”

Feeling a sense of belonging is a basic need, according to Maslow’s hierarchy.  Rooting for the same sports team is an example of finding a common ground, and creating a sense of belonging. So is joining a club or attending meetings for hobbies.

But what happens when your affiliation creates a polarizing scenario?  Or when you are on one side of a controversial issue?

Stephen R. Covey, in his seminal book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People talks about creating Win-Win situations.  While this has become an easy catchphrase / joke, the meaning behind it was instrumental in shaping negotiations and arbitration for years.  The concept is, rather than approach a topic as “My Way or Your Way,” in which case someone inevitably loses; or as a compromise, in which case BOTH parties lose something in order to gain something; Covey discusses a third possibility which is to approach the problem from the same side.  After all, we are all trying to solve something and we are committed to the best for everyone, aren’t we?

This is easy to see in areas such as contract negotiations, discussions on favorite books, and project development, but more difficult with controversial issues such as climate change or civil rights discussions.

It is almost as if we were to draw a Venn Diagram of What I Believe and What You Believe and, somewhere in the middle, we would find areas that we have in common.

It becomes difficult when examining choices that must inform our futures, such as political discussions or whether or not to have children.  Religion, gender issues, animal rights, where to build a freeway; these are all topics that require in-depth discussions and cannot be viewed from one side or the other to have any impact.  Yet, they are areas where emotions run high and, as humans, we have difficulty putting our “truths” aside to see another point-of-view.

One of my college professors demonstrated this challenge perfectly when she told the story of a standoff between loggers and the local environmentalists.  One side said, “Don’t you love trees and breathing and nature?” and the other side said, “don’t you live in houses and buy toilet paper?”

When discussing ideas such as Race, Nation, Ethnic Group, Class, and Ideology in his book, Us and Them, David Berreby says these concepts – mental images of categories that people use to get through their lives.  As such, these ideas are like any other thought: they have a birthdate in human history, in a time when they arose for particular reasons, belonging to the people who devised them.”

In another section of The 7 Habits, Covey shares that, in order to feel at peace and to be effective, you must focus on working inside of your Circle of Influence.  Unfortunately, most of us focus on our Circle of Concern; a great majority of that area is something we can do nothing about.  His advice is to expand our circle of influence to be able to affect our areas of concern, but not to dwell on things we have no control over.  Simple, in theory, but something that requires daily practice, especially with media of both the journalistic and social kinds.

So when we’re looking at ways to reach a decision on a tough issue, such as who to vote for or steps to take to alleviate our impact on the environment, it might be useful to put aside existing opinions of each side and try to see where the other person is coming from, just for a moment, and look for any common ground.

Unless it’s the World Series.  In which case, “Go Cubs.”

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While on a recent road trip, I explored ways to pass the time and make the journey more pleasurable.

Eat Well

Pack a snack that is healthful and wholesome, rather than sugary or greasy.  This will help prevent the need to stop for expensive gas station snacks and avoid low-energy crankiness mid-trip. Take water with you and stay hydrated.  Dehydration can lead to headaches and sluggishness, in addition to tummy troubles and a general feeling of being unwell.

Car Sick?

WebMD¹ says, “the vestibular system – the body’s system to help regulate balance and motion – and the  system send corresponding signals to the .”  Sometimes, these signals conflict, such as when you are sitting in the back seat of a car.  You are looking at a stationary object (the seat in front of you) but your body is feeling all the turns and speed.

Traditional medications are antihistamines, which can make people drowsy. Here are a few alternatives to over-the-counter travel aids to decrease feelings of carsickness:

• Try to look out of the front window, if possible. Keep your eyes moving, not focused on a static point.
• Ginger or peppermint oil can be used aromatically or under the tongue. You can add a drop to water in a glass or metal (not plastic) bottle to drink, or just smell the oil directly from the bottle.  You can also apply topically to pulse points or the back of your neck, but may want to use a carrier oil, such as coconut oil, first.
• Motion sickness wristbands or beads for your pressure points or the ears can be worn.
• Eat something before you go – a small, low-fat meal is recommended as fat, greasy meals may increase feelings of nausea.

The Games that People Play

In addition to the perennial “I spy” (“I spy with my little eye, something that starts with ‘A’”) and license plates games, many fun road games have been invented.  The complexity of the game can be increased based on the problem-solving abilities of the players.

To head-off the dreaded, “Are we there yet?” have kids monitor the trip’s progress in entertaining ways.  For example, the average song is roughly 3.5 minutes.  (You can round to 4, if you prefer.)  So a 60 mile trip, at 60mph, would be around 17 songs.  Each passenger could prepare a playlist of 10-20 songs, for however many hours the trip will take, and then count the songs to see how far you’ve come.

Another math game is to calculate the trip from miles to kilometers. If the average person walks at a pace of 3.5 mph, how long would it take to walk the distance?  How many marathons would you have to run to cover the trip?

For more media-minded individuals, there are always movie or music games.

• Person A names a movie. Person B names a second movie that shares a common actor. Then, Person C (or A, if there’s only two of you) names another movie that shares an actor with Movie 2 and so on.  For added complexity, you could make it that all three movies have the same actor in them.
• Books and Movies: How many movies can you name that were books first?
• Music: Name a title. Next person names another title that starts with the last word (or letter) of the previous title.
• Listen to the radio. Try to guess the artist of the song as soon as it starts.  Change the station periodically to capture different genres, especially for cross-generational groups.

Variations of these games could be used for topics of sports, sciences, and social studies, whatever subject is most appealing to the players.

The key to a pleasurable road trip is to have fun and minimize discomforts along the way.  As long as transitions can be seen as exciting adventures rather than unpleasant or anxiety-producing inconveniences, the memories of the journey can be as gratifying as the memories made at the destination.

Happy traveling!

¹http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/features/how-to-beat-motion-sickness?page=2

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