Lisa is the mother of 3 gifted children and lives outside of San Francisco.

Every time I write about my kids, I’m afraid you’ll think I’m a whiner* or a braggart* or smug*. And it isn’t just when I write. I feel the same way when I’m talking with people I know. So I try not to write or talk about their accomplishments. Of course, my fear comes from my own insecurities (my husband tells me I care too much about what people think). But it also comes from the experience of seeing other parents of gifted kids get ridiculed for talking about their children. A neighbor’s child was called “the experiment” because his mother got him extra time in the kindergarten classroom. Blog posts like “” and “” berate parents for complaining about their first-world problems. Most of the time, I try to ignore these comments, put my head down and quietly work on my children’s behalf. My behavior, for the most part, gets my children what they need. The problem is that it robs me of what I need.

I need to feel connected.

I didn’t expect to find a connection when I ran into a 19-year-old boutique clerk with fuchsia hair. I immediately liked this girl after she recognized me 15 years after attending nursery school with my son. While exchanging updates, I told her about his new major: Storytelling. She got very excited and told me about a storyteller/researcher she admired. On the back of my receipt, in big loopy letters, she wrote, “.” I went home and watched the Ted Talk three times.

According to BrenĂ© Brown, connection is what gives meaning to our lives. To be connected, we must be vulnerable. The problem is that vulnerability is also at the core of shame– the belief that there is something about us that makes us unworthy of connection. So, people try to numb vulnerability through drugs, alcohol and food. Less obvious are those who seek to numb this feeling by making what is uncertain, certain; or pretending that what they do doesn’t have an effect on other people. These are the people who are convinced that parents are creating Frankenstein creatures when they get extra time in the classroom for their children. These are the bloggers who are so annoyed by the problems of others that they tell a segment of the population to “shut up.” The beauty of the last two reactions is that they feed right into my insecurities and silence me. I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t always know what to say. My children make me feel vulnerable. Maybe I should just be quiet.

My son is teaching me how to embrace vulnerability. During his ninth grade Identity and Ethnic Studies class, he made a video explaining the feelings he has about his sexual orientation. I was concerned when he posted the video on YouTube, so I checked the entry daily for unkind or cruel comments. Two thousand eight hundred views and two years later, he doesn’t have a single negative comment on his video. He allowed himself to be seen, and people responded with admiration. Fourteen years old and he was already braver than I was at 49.

So this Thanksgiving, I would like to give thanks to those people who embrace vulnerability. Thank you to the mothers who share stories of their gifted children’s personal struggles with an audience of people who may not understand or appreciate their pain. Thank you to the parents who face a potential backlash when they confront teachers and administrators to say their gifted child needs more than the school is offering. Thank you to the children who expose the personal details of their lives on the chance that some other child might benefit from their story. Thank you to the whiners, the braggarts and the smug because you make me feel connected.

*borrowed from the comment section of a blog about parents of gifted children.

Where do you find community as the parent of a gifted child? Please share in the comment section below.

Like this post? Please share!

Next Meeting:

Speaker: Louise Hindle
Thursday, May 1, 2014
6:30 pm—8:00 pm

Institute for Educational Advancement
569 South Marengo Avenue
Pasadena, CA 91101

Educational discourse and pedagogy seems fascinated with personalized learning. We see it embedded in the Race to the Top Campaign, we see it interwoven in discussions about the effective use of technology in the classroom; what, however, does it mean in policy and practice for gifted students? This talk will conceptualize personalized learning and define some best fit teaching for learning strategies for gifted 2nd through 8th graders.

Louise Hindle is ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ’s Academy Coordinator. A British import, Louise graduated from the University of Manchester with a B.A. Honors Degree in English Literature and Language, completed her post-graduate teacher training at The University of Cambridge, and has recently completed her dissertation in Educational Leadership and Innovation with the University of Warwick. Louise has 20 years of experience in education as a high school literature teacher, lead teacher, administrator, adviser, and consultant. She is also the parent of three fun and active school-aged children.

Register for the May meeting! (Event has since ended)

Full 2013-2014 Schedule (subject to change):

The Middle & High School Selection Process
Speaker: Bonnie Raskin
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
6:30 pm—8:00 pm

ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ Learning Center
625 Fair Oaks Avenue, Suite 288
South Pasadena, CA 91030

Bonnie will be addressing the various steps in the middle and high school selection process, including:

• How to find schools that are the right “fit” for your child
• What goes on at various events such as Open Houses, Shadow Visits, and interviews
• Ways to familiarize yourself with a school above and beyond formal visits
• How to prepare for an interview
• How to enlist and secure strong letters of recommendation

About the Speaker:
Bonnie Raskin is ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ’s Caroline D. Bradley Scholarship (CDB) Program Coordinator. She has worked in the admissions offices of multiple Los Angeles area private schools. Working with the CDB program, she offers extensive support to a group of middle school students each year as they apply to and select their CDB high schools.

Addressing the Elephant in the Room: How to Talk About Giftedness
Special Guest Speakers: Sharon Duncan & Dr. Joanna Haase
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
6:30 pm—8:00 pm

South Pasadena Public Library Community Room*
1115 El Centro Street
South Pasadena, CA 91030

Why is it so difficult to talk about gifted? Parents, educators, and politicians resist discussing the needs of gifted children due to fears of being perceived as elitist. This reluctance adversely impacts gifted students in terms of funding, development of services, and willingness of parents to seek out support for their gifted children. This session explores America’s views and discomfort with giftedness, why it exists, and how we can work collectively to change the misperceptions.

About Sharon Duncan:
Sharon Duncan is the co-founder of Gifted Identity. She provides consulting support to parents, teachers, schools, and districts to help them meet the needs of gifted children. Sharon also consults on homeschooling, decisions, options, and concerns. Sharon is a SENG Model Parent Group facilitator and serves on the Mensa Youth Programming Committee. She spent 26 years working at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory before leaving to homeschool her son. Sharon has served on the Board of Trustees of a private K-8 school and as President of the School Site Council at a public elementary school. Sharon regularly presents at schools, school districts, organizations, and state and national conferences on various topics about gifted children.

About Joanna L. Haase:
Joanna Haase, Ph.D., MFT, is a psychotherapist in Pasadena, California, with over 20 years of experience working with gifted individuals and their families. Dr. Haase specializes in eating disorders, anxiety, and depression and is the president and co-founder of California Gifted Network. Partnering with school districts throughout California, Dr. Haase works to educate parents, teachers, and administrators on how to better support gifted and talented students.

Parenting Precocious Kids: Understanding the Ups and Downs of Growing Up Gifted
Special Guest Speaker: Dr. Jim Delisle
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
6:30 pm—8:00 pm

South Pasadena Public Library Community Room*
1115 El Centro Street
South Pasadena, CA 91030

Parents of gifted children and teens have many questions about how best to meet their intellectual and emotional needs. They want to know what giftedness is and the label’s impact on other family members. They want to know how to advocate for their gifted child in a school setting mired in “bringing up the bottom” rather than “raising the bar” at the top. They want to know how to set expectations that are appropriate and attainable. And they want to know how to juggle the wide range of emotional intensities that often “comes with the territory” in raising gifted kids.

Dr. James (Jim) Delisle has taught gifted children and those who work on their behalf for more than 35 years. Jim retired from Kent State University in 2008 after 25 years of service there as a professor of special education. Throughout his career, Jim has taken time away from college teaching to return to his “classroom roots”, volunteering as a 2nd, 4th, 5th and 8th grade teacher. Too, Jim taught gifted middle school students one day a week in the Twinsburg, Ohio Public Schools. Currently, Jim works part-time with highly-gifted 9th and 10th graders at the Scholars’ Academy in Conway, South Carolina. The author of more than 250 articles and 19 books, Jim’s work has been translated into multiple languages and has been featured in both professional journals and in popular media, such as The New York Times, People Magazine, and on Oprah!

Feeding The Mind & Heart of Gifted Children
Speaker: Elizabeth Jones, ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ President & Co-Founder
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
6:30 pm—8:00 pm

South Pasadena Public Library Community Room*
1115 El Centro Street
South Pasadena, CA 91030

The integration of intellectual, physical, social, spiritual, and emotional aspects of self are crucial in a gifted child’s development. This talk will explore Dabrowski’s theory of overexcitabilities and how it connects to supporting the development of the whole child. The theory and practice will demonstrate that, as powerful as the mind of a gifted child is, it will not develop fully without nurturing the heart.

Programs for Gifted Kids
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
6:30 pm—8:00 pm

Institute for Educational Advancement
569 South Marengo Avenue
Pasadena, CA 91101

Come learn about ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ’s programs for gifted youth! Get more information, ask questions, and find the right program for your gifted child.

College Selection & Admissions for Gifted Students
Speaker: Kate Duey, Certified College Consultant
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
6:30 pm—8:00 pm

Institute for Educational Advancement
569 South Marengo Avenue
Pasadena, CA 91101

Kate will speak about the special issues facing gifted students and their families during the college search and application process. She has worked with ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ supporting gifted students since 2009 and has a wealth of knowledge about their unique challenges and their wonderful potential. Kate has a BA from Harvard College and an MBA from Harvard Business School. She earned College Counseling Certification from the University of California, Los Angeles.

Speaker: Louise Hindle
Thursday, May 1, 2014
6:30 pm—8:00 pm

Institute for Educational Advancement
569 South Marengo Avenue
Pasadena, CA 91101

Educational discourse and pedagogy seems fascinated with personalized learning. We see it embedded in the Race to the Top Campaign, we see it interwoven in discussions about the effective use of technology in the classroom; what, however, does it mean in policy and practice for gifted students? This talk will conceptualize personalized learning and define some best fit teaching for learning strategies for gifted 2nd through 8th graders.

Louise Hindle is ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ’s Academy Coordinator. A British import, Louise graduated from the University of Manchester with a B.A. Honors Degree in English Literature and Language, completed her post-graduate teacher training at The University of Cambridge, and has recently completed her dissertation in Educational Leadership and Innovation with the University of Warwick. Louise has 20 years of experience in education as a high school literature teacher, lead teacher, administrator, adviser, and consultant. She is also the parent of three fun and active school-aged children.

Register for the May meeting! (Event has since ended)

*This activity is not sponsored by the City of South Pasadena or the South Pasadena Public Library.

To receive more information about our Gifted Child Parent Support Groups as it becomes available, please sign up for our email list and be sure to include your zip code.

You know that your child is different, and you may or may not know why or how. You search for answers and find out that your child is gifted. But what does that mean? How do you accommodate your child’s needs now that you know what they are?

Identifying and Acknowledging Your Child’s Gifts

Because you as a parent know your child best and see your child the most, you are the most likely person to notice your child’s gifts. Parents usually notice signs of giftedness in the first five years of their child’s life. 50%-90% of parents are proficient at recognizing early intellectual advancement in their children. As children near the age of 5, the accuracy improves.

Giftedness is fairly evenly distributed between genders. However, more girls are identified for school gifted programs than boys. As a parent, you know your child. If you suspect that your child is gifted, do something about it.

Some are skeptical of early identification. This is often associated with the assumption that giftedness equals extraordinary achievement. As many parents pointed out at our most recent parent support group meeting, this skepticism can also be due to a parent’s fear of what “giftedness” means or a belief that the child is “weird” or “just smart.” However, signs of giftedness do appear early in gifted children, and the earlier you notice and address them, the more support your child is going to have throughout his or her childhood. This is important, as giftedness rarely evolves into achievement unless there is a combination of cognitive ability, motivation, and an enriched environment.

What You Can Do At Home

• Compliment your child for his or her abilities and efforts. Recognize real accomplishments.
• Demonstrate how to prioritize. Assist your child in learning how to pick and choose activities. Demonstrate and stress the importance of down time and balance.
• Share data relevant to your child. If a child takes an assessment, he should be told the results and what they mean. It is really important that your children understand who they are. This includes their abilities and needs as gifted kids.
• Enjoy. As challenging as it is to have a child that is different from the norm, some of the hallmarks of giftedness are a sense of humor, an excellent vocabulary, and high levels of perceptivity. No matter what your child’s level of giftedness or your school’s level of support, do your best to end most days looking at the positives and saying to yourself, “Wow! Am I ever lucky!”

The Gifted Child at School

The traditional school system can be difficult for your gifted child. If you walk into a doctor’s office, they examine you, talk to you about your symptoms, and run tests in order to diagnose you. If you walk into a school, they ask how old you are. Nothing else is taken into consideration. This is a problem when your child is outside the norm.

Just as the human body needs nourishment to survive, the gifted child’s mind needs to be fed. When gifted kids are not learning, their minds are not being fed, and they get anxious, tired, and worked up.

Highly gifted kids will typically change educational environments 3 to 4 times over the course of their K-12 education in attempts to find the right accommodations or fit between the school system and the student. When a highly gifted child is successful in a single school system, it is often thanks to acceleration.

Acceleration is an extremely viable option for students who need additional challenge in classroom. This can take several forms, including grade-skipping, single-subject acceleration, or classwork performed in more depth or at a quicker pace. Advanced online resources are also becoming a more and more viable option. If your child’s school will allow use of such resources, take them up on it.

There are a few concerns that parents and educators sometimes have with acceleration. It is important for you to know that studies show that acceleration works well and that students who have been accelerated rarely regret it. In fact, most kids who were accelerated wish they were accelerated even more. Will there be social differences between a child who was accelerated and his or her classmates? Absolutely. But many families feel the benefits of acceleration outweigh the emotional challenges that come with such a transition. These are not barriers that should stop your child from getting the education he or she needs. Acceleration is about meeting your child’s educational needs, and this is important to your child, as well.

When talking to the school about your child’s abilities and needs, bring a sample of your child’s advanced work to demonstrate the level at which your child is performing. This will resonate with teachers and administrators more than test scores – although those help, as well – and your word that your child is advanced.

Do your best to help make schoolwork challenging and interesting for your child. For many parents of gifted children, it is like pulling teeth getting their kids to do homework. Many gifted children also make silly mistakes on homework and tests because they rush through, knowing it is easy for them. Help make assignments interesting. There are unconventional ways to make your child pause, pay attention, and think, like doing multiple things at once. For example:

• Integrate movement of the body while completing the assignment. For reading assignments, draw a line on the floor of the hall with masking tape. Have your child walk the line while reading the textbook.
• If the assignment is not a linear progression, alter the order of activities in an assignment. For math problem worksheets, have your child start at the bottom of the page and work upward (or right of the page and work toward left) or make a design on the page rather than doing the normal left to right, top to bottom progression.

Everyone will see your child differently. It is important to recognize this early on. No two teachers will be the same, and you will likely have to advocate for your child’s needs often and in different ways. Most educators want to have the best interest of your child and your child’s education in mind; sometimes it is just difficult for them to understand what that means. Be patient, and be flexible.

To be notified of future ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ Gifted Child Parent Support Group meetings in the Los Angeles area, please contact us or sign up for our email newsletter and make sure to enter your zip code in the form.

Gifted Children at Home

The innate characteristics of gifted children appear in both the classroom and at home. Two of these characteristics, as Sharon points out, are perfectionism and intense intellectual interest.

Perfectionism is a common trait among gifted children, and it can be quite a challenge to deal with at school and at home for both children and their parents. “Learning to fail and learning it is okay not to be perfect are some of the best gifts we can give these kids,” Sharon explains. She suggests playing games of chance with your children to help them learn what it “feels” like not to win.

It is also important to teach our gifted children balance; but as Sharon points out, balance can be very difficult to achieve. Our children have deep, intense intellectual and/or creative interests, and they want to pour all of their energy into what they love doing. While this drive is part of their gift and may lead them to amazing success, they also need to learn how to calm themselves and how not to get themselves into overwhelming situations. Thus, Sharon suggests encouraging your kids to go out and do something physically active when they feel tense or allowing them some down time alone.

Gifted Children at School

Gifted children often encounter many challenges in the traditional school. Some of these challenges arise because schools are designed for the developmentally average child – and your gifted child is definitely not average – and some challenges result from teachers who, through no fault of their own, have been less exposed to gifted students and do not know how to recognize or accommodate their unique needs. These kids are a population often ignored by teacher training programs and misunderstood by the population at large. So, it is important to understand some of the unique challenges of gifted children and a few of the ways to assist gifted children in dealing with them.

Sharon stresses the importance of teachers understanding the difference between “gifted” and “high-achieving” children. Unlike the high-achieving child, “Your child can be many different ages at the same time, and that age can turn on a dime,” Sharon explains. This will affect your child’s behavior in a classroom. Understanding gifted children – including asynchronous development and the intensities commonly found in the gifted – will help teachers see the root of issues in the classroom more clearly.

If gifted children are receiving appropriate accommodations in class, they generally are able to thrive emotionally and socially. Sometimes gifted children are especially sensitive to issues of fairness and justice, especially when prizes are awarded or when teachers are publicly charting progress. After all, it takes much longer to read a book at the sixth grade level than one at the first grade level. When a child feels that something isn’t fair in class, it is important to correct the situation so that the child does not hide his or her advanced abilities to get the easier assignment. One parent in the group shared that she thought it was really important and valuable when her daughter advocated for herself with the teacher, sharing why she thought something was unfair and asking for it to be corrected.

Recess can also be a huge struggle for gifted children at school, as Sharon describes. Gifted children tend to value rules and order more than other children, so they often see recess as anarchy. No one enforces rules, kids are playing with the “wrong” rules, and there is a lot of noise and overstimulation for those with sensual overexcitabilities. Sharon explains that, while many gifted kids are eventually able to deal with the playground as they get older, some younger children find it the most stressful part of the school day. If your child is having a hard time at recess, take it seriously and work with the school to see if your child can participate in alternate activities during recess until they are able to tolerate it. It is also important to note that because of overexcitabilities, lunchtime can produce similar problems.

Understanding “Gifted”

Sharon feels that it is extremely important to talk with your child about what it feels like to be gifted. Gifted children know that they are different, and often, if you do not address this with them, they may internalize these differences, not understand why they are different, and believe that there is something wrong with them. Sharon emphasizes that one of the best things you can do is to ensure that your child is able to socialize with like minded peers. This helps them to understand that they are not alone, that there are others like them out there, and that it is okay to be different.

As the parent of a gifted child, it is also incredibly important for you to seek support from other parents of gifted children, Sharon encourages. The child development books do not apply to your child, and other people probably just don’t get it. Parents face a lot of judgment from relatives, friends, and other parents that comes from their misunderstanding of the nature of giftedness. Many of them think that you are babying or spoiling your kids, that you are pushing them too hard, that you have been “flashcarding” them since they were babies. But the reality is that your child is at a breaking point when the tags on his shirt feel like razor blades on his skin, and that your child is the one pushing herself too hard, not you, and that when your child was three he pulled a physics book off the shelf and started reading while you were in the other room making dinner. The life our kids are experiencing is not the same as what other parents often describe, and it is important for you as a parent to seek support from other parents who are going through situations similar to yours. Parent support groups are critical. It is important for you, too, to know you are not alone.

To be notified of future Gifted Child Parent Support Groups in the Los Angeles area, please contact us or sign up for our email newsletter and make sure to enter your zip code in the form.

Like this post? Please share!

Gifted children have a variety of unique gifts, as well as a variety of unique needs and challenges. Join the Institute for Educational Advancement as we explore ways to meet our gifted children’s particular needs and learn more about this extraordinary group of young people. These monthly meetings are intended for parents of gifted children to provide support and community in the midst of the joys and challenges of raising a gifted child.

2012-2013 Parent Meetings:

Speaker: Elizabeth D. Jones
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
6:30 pm—8:00 pm

ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ Learning Center
625 Fair Oaks Avenue, Suite 288
South Pasadena, CA 91030

Special Guest Speaker:
Dr. Patricia Gatto-Walden
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
6:30 pm—7:30 pm

South Pasadena Public Library – Community Room*
1115 El Centro Street
South Pasadena, CA 91030

College Admissions
Speaker: Kate Duey
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
6:30 pm—8:00 pm

ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ Learning Center
625 Fair Oaks Avenue, Suite 288
South Pasadena, CA 91030

Summer Programs
Thursday, March 7, 2013
6:30 pm—8:00 pm

ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ Learning Center
625 Fair Oaks Avenue, Suite 288
South Pasadena, CA 91030

Gifted Children at Home and in the Classroom
Speaker: Sharon Duncan
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
6:30 pm—8:00 pm

ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ Learning Center
625 Fair Oaks Avenue, Suite 288
South Pasadena, CA 91030

My Child is Gifted. Now What?
Speaker: Elizabeth Jones, ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ President
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
6:30 pm—8:00 pm

ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ Learning Center
625 Fair Oaks Avenue, Suite 288
South Pasadena, CA 91030

Please RSVP to reception@educationaladvancement.org. If you have any questions, please feel free to . Please invite parents that you feel would be interested.

Dates and topics later in the season may change. Please contact ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ for an updated schedule.

*This activity is not sponsored by the City of South Pasadena or the South Pasadena Public Library.

Want to stay updated on future parent meetings in the Los Angeles area? Sign up for our email newsletters and be sure to fill in your zip code!

Like this post? Please share!

Jen Mounday is the Program Coordinator for ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ’s Academy program. Academy provides young gifted students with challenging enrichment classes that focus on exploration and the application of knowledge.

I was a classroom teacher before coming to ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ to be a Program Coordinator. From my years teaching, I naturally developed a mental catalogue of gifted students and the impressions they made on me over time. My experience in the classroom left me well acquainted with the gifted child: the voracious reader, the classical music lover, the Spanish speaking whiz, the student who challenges, the one who ponders—the child who has the uncanny power to shape you through their own quest for answers and truth. The memories I have working alongside gifted and talented kids are ever in my mind’s eye as I coordinate enrichment programs for this demographic.

ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ’s Academy welcomes kindergarten through eighth grade students into classrooms of like-minded peers. As much as I grouped students homogeneously when I was a classroom teacher, I have realized that there is nothing like an Academy classroom. Observe and you will see astronomy PhDs teaching astrophysics to a group of eleven-year-olds; the students are engaged, asking questions and driving the lesson deeper. It’s the power of the Academy classroom that is meeting a need in our community—drawing highly able students beyond the mainstream classroom framework and up a bit higher.

The 2012 fall quarter for Academy included multiple levels of chemistry and neuro-energy. Students worked with molecular model kits to identify molecular make up. In Neuro-Energy II: Intro to Computer Programming, students learned the basics of Java Script to build a website. I watched in one class as a second grader stood transfixed, looking at the projector screen as the instructor demonstrated how to create digital clocks using code. The student was grinning, captivated, bouncing up and down on his heels, like he’d just seen Santa.

Our classes are unique, much like the students and the instructors themselves. Sometimes the novelty of the program is all it takes to get students excited about the classes. In Academy, there are no limits. Instructors, specialists in their field, encourage as many questions as can be asked and are willing to go off on a tangent or two to satisfy interest. Our students can come, just as they are, to talk literature, chemistry, robotics, or math and be heard, embraced, and understood. And naturally, by the end of each quarter, Academy students build relationships through a process of discovery. Over the course of grappling with content that is typically off limits to their peer group, they become a community.

We do our best to extend this community beyond the classes as well. Last week, we held Academy Family Night here at the ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ office. It was an evening for the families to get to know each other and parents to hear from our president, Elizabeth Jones, on the social and emotional needs of gifted youth. It was an evening of learning and togetherness. Parents shared their experiences of raising gifted children, found support in each other and offered their gratitude for our programs. We will continue to hold parent nights each month through May.

We know that enrichment programs like Academy are often the bright spark in the gifted child’s week. We at the Institute for Educational Advancement are happy to provide that spark for our local community and beyond.

The Winter Session of Academy will run from January 12 to March 7. The schedule and applications are available on the Academy page of our website. Enroll your child today!

What enrichment programs have you found to inspire your son or daughter? Please share with us in the comment section below.

Fighting for Gifted

In America, it is okay to be a gifted athlete. But in terms of intelligence, academics, and creativity, many believe that every child is gifted. “You don’t look around a whole class full of kids and say every one of those kids could be Michael Jordan . . . but there is this concept in the world that every child is a gifted child. It’s like saying every child is tall.”

“All human beings have gifts of some kind,” Stephanie acknowledged. “But that’s not like saying every child is gifted because gifted is by definition outside the norm.”

“Those who deal with highly to profoundly gifted kids – kids along the far right edge of the bell curve – those of us who deal with those kids know that giftedness is innate to the person. We know that no kid who is not gifted is going to be able to leap ahead at the rate that these kids just naturally move.”

While many organizations choose to focus on talent development (which is equated with achievement), . Therefore, it is important to ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ that we focus on giftedness.

Stephanie’s Advice for Keeping Track of the Who

When parents define their kids by their differences, they are focusing on the “what.” What their child is good at. What their child does differently. Stephanie urges parents, however, to remember the “who” – the being-ness of the individual child.

• “Help [your kids] see themselves first as a who and then a who who does stuff.”
• Embrace who your kids are, including remembering that what makes them happy is important.
• Allow your kids to explore their options. Let them decide what is important to them and what they like. “Multipotentiality is part of the package.” Your kids don’t have to be stuck on one track forever. Encourage them to learn what they love through exploration.
• “Part of your child’s job is to play.” Just because your kids have a gift doesn’t make play and down time any less important.
• Let your kids have an interest of their own, something you don’t coach them in, like the music they prefer or the games they play. “It was important that [my son] had something I didn’t have.”
• Remember that this is a balancing act.
• So often as parents of gifted kids we are concerned with achievement of potential or of specific goals, but don’t forget the child’s happiness along the way.
• What you are paying attention to grows. Focus on the good things!

Stephanie Tolan is author of the Newbery Honor Award-winning novel Surviving the Applewhites. She is a well-known lecturer and advocate for highly gifted young people. She has also written Listen!, Flight of the Raven, Welcome to the Ark, and Ordinary Miracles and is co-author of Guiding the Gifted Child. As an ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ Senior Fellow, Stephanie and the other Fellows facilitate each year. Stephanie will also be at the new camp this year.

ÓĹĂŰĘÓƵ hosts free monthly Gifted Child Parent Support Group Meetings throughout the school year in the Pasadena, CA, area.  These meetings often feature a special guest speaker and cover a variety of topics. If you are interested in receiving more information about these meetings as they are announced, sign up for our email list and include your Los Angeles area zip code.

Like this post? Please share!