I still don鈥檛 quite know how it happened. One minute, my 3 kiddos and I were sitting at the dinner table, laughing and enjoying a conversation that (miracle of miracles) didn鈥檛 involve arguing over who鈥檚 turn it was to talk. The next minute, my 12-year-old (Cub) was screaming from a potential broken nose, one of our dogs was missing, there was a dying bird on our porch, my 4-year-old (Chimp) was in tears for the bird, but quickly began running around through the neighborhood in his underpants to hunt down the missing dog, my 9-year-old (KBear) was furiously yelling at my 12-year-old, there was a UPS guy threatening to call Child Protection (ok, that might be an exaggeration), and I was standing there bewildered by how the evening fell so far off the rails.

Sadly, my bewildered moment was really just a brief intermission to be followed by the second Act, which went something like this: Cub sulks off in the corner (nose in one piece, by the way), KBear in full blown autistic meltdown, followed by impromptu birds and the bees talk with her after she鈥檚 more regulated (thanks Anne with an E for providing us with that teachable moment at bedtime. Yes, sarcasm intended).

I鈥檓 assuming, as parents of gifted or 2e kids, that you can relate. I鈥檓 assuming you know how the mood of an evening can turn on a dime, or a dying bird, as the case may be. I鈥檓 assuming that you鈥檝e had those moments, standing in the driveway, trying to reign in the crazy, but feeling just as crazy as the rest of 鈥榚m. Please tell me I鈥檓 not alone in this.

Parenting these gifted kiddos is a totally different monster than parenting a more typical kid. It can feel very isolating. Many, more neurotypical, families could have experienced the dying bird, the injured, nose, the runaway dog, and the package delivery without the same level of intensity. But, that鈥檚 gifted life.聽 It鈥檚 intense.

So, how do we manage these crazy-making moments?

We remember to breathe. This too shall pass. Breathe in some calm and breathe out the crazy.

We remember that this is more intense than the average family life. Many kids would react to the sight of our cat delivering a half-dead bird to our doorstep, but Chimp鈥檚 emotional intensity took hold and his empathy and emotions were big and required extra effort to regulate. I鈥檓 not a bad mom because it took me 45 minutes to console the sensitive little soul in my arms; his emotions are simply that intense. Many kids would feel pain from a wildly thrown hard toy hitting their nose. (Thanks Chimp for your lack of impulse control and hugely rambunctious psychomotor intensity.) Cub鈥檚 sensual intensity meant that he felt that pain more acutely. It took him longer to feel better because the pain is bigger for him. Kbear鈥檚 strong sense of justice and emotional intensity, not to mention all the added complexity of her other exceptionalities, meant that she wasn鈥檛 just frustrated that her brother couldn鈥檛 find the leash quickly, she was in full blown rage. And the intellectual intensity of all 3 of them meant that within the course of this evening, I was having in-depth conversations about death, dying, euthanasia, sex and relationships. Which, really isn鈥檛 all that uncommon day to day. Remembering that this is more intense than typical parenting brings comfort to those moments when we just don鈥檛 feel like we can do this, or that we must be failing this parenting thing on a massive scale.

We call in reinforcements. Since everything turned so quickly, I couldn鈥檛 actually call in others to be there to help, but I could text others to remember that I鈥檓 not alone. My exact text to my husband, who was at work, says, 鈥淥h my clusterf—鈥�. You can decide if I actually filled in those last few letters or not! We really 补谤别苍鈥檛 alone, even though it can feel like it.聽 We actually do have people around who can commiserate. Whether they鈥檙e people you know IRL or only through the magic of the interwebs, there is support. My husband responded to the original text with a 鈥渧ague texts do not become you鈥� (yes, another gifted crazy-person lives in this house), to which I said, 鈥淵ep. I know. I just needed somebody else in the world to know that life got crazy for a while.鈥� And that鈥檚 the truth. It helps to know that someone else knows.

We feel what we feel. We allow ourselves to cry and get huffy and be angry. We choose our behaviors as effectively as we can, and when we can鈥檛, we show ourselves compassion.

We give ourselves a break . . . psychologically and concretely. We pour intense energy and love into our intense kids. We need intense recovery and rest, too.

We appreciate all those intensities in ourselves and our children. It might be a crazy life, but it鈥檚 also intensely rich.

And, we allow ourselves to laugh. To laugh at the amazing wit of our children. To laugh in shock as our small children use adult phrases and vocabulary perfectly. To laugh to keep from crying. To laugh at the surprising and amazingly quick responses from these people we鈥檙e honored to raise. To laugh at our own mistakes. To laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. And to laugh around the holiday tables in the decades to come, as we recount the night that we were eating dinner, cried for a dying bird, rescued a runaway dog, broke a nose, flashed our underoos to all the neighbors, worried the UPS man, and learned about sex.

Heather Boorman is a writer, public speaker, &聽Licensed Clinical Social Worker who provides therapy to kids, adults, and families at her private practice, Boorman Counseling, in Western Wisconsin. She and her husband Jon maintain a blog and podcast about the real life side to having a family with gifted and twice-exceptional children. is both refreshingly honest and full of helpful information. Make sure to check it out!

Linnea is a Certified Mindfulness Facilitator and a . She often teaches Mindfulness at the 优蜜视频 Academy.

Those who spend time with, raise, teach, and care聽for young gifted people agree that these individuals are different from their peers in both wonderful and challenging ways. The stories are anecdotal but the research is clear: The gifted person’s experience of the world is quantitatively and qualitatively different from those we might describe as more “neuro-typical” in their development. If we take a moment to empathetically step into the shoes of a gifted child or teen, it is not difficult to understand the vulnerability of these young people as they grow and develop.

Mindfulness is a powerful tool that can be used to address a variety of the needs of gifted children on several different levels and in different areas of development. I’ll go into this in a bit more detail but, first, what is Mindfulness, and how can it help a gifted child as they grow, learn, and move out into the world?

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the practice of being in the present moment with openness, curiosity, and a willingness to be with “what is.” It is learning to gently and non-judgmentally guide your attention to the natural unfolding of your own human experience as it occurs聽鈥� sensory, emotional, and mental 鈥� which grounds you in a more direct, and often joyful, experience of life. So, right away, we see that the practice of Mindfulness offers a level of self-acceptance and self-compassion that the world around a gifted child may not.

As parents and educators, we can do our best to find the right environments for gifted children to thrive but, oftentimes, we end up having to accept that there is no “perfect” place for them to grow and learn. The public education system in the U.S. is not designed to meet their needs 鈥� socially, emotionally, or intellectually. In addition, each gifted child is different, and the more gifted the child, the more difficult this search can become. So some of the tools in the gifted student’s tool kit must serve to help them become self-aware enough to accept their differences, advocate for themselves, be resilient in the face of adversity, reach out to others for help and companionship, and have compassion for and acceptance of themselves and others.聽 Mindfulness is one such tool that can help in all these areas.

Let’s look at some of the well-documented challenges that some gifted, particularly聽highly and profoundly gifted, youth can face and how Mindfulness addresses these.

1) Stress/Anxiety

Since gifted children are often asked to adapt to a world, culturally speaking, that they are out of sync with, stress levels can be higher for them from the get go, especially in unfamiliar situations. In addition, the gifted child often has very high expectations both for themselves and others that can lead to self-induced stress. Some gifted children also have an additional layer of what could be called “existential stress” whereby they become chronically worried about, for instance, global concerns like world hunger, war, or global warming.

In clinical studies, Mindfulness has been shown to actually reverse the brain patterns that are activated during biological stress. Mindfulness also helps the child become aware when unnecessary worry is taking place. Mindfulness gives gifted children and teens a “jump start” to begin recognizing when their thinking is driven by unsubstantiated fear and a vocabulary to describe the experience grounded in their physical body. In addition, the practice of Mindfulness itself has no “goal.” There is no one “right” way to do it and no measurement of success, thereby allowing the gifted child freedom from the potential inner tyranny of being “right” or “perfect” or “not disappointing anyone.”

2) Overexcitabilities/Intensity

Research has shown that we learn best in a relaxed and open state of being. Ironically, it can often be hard for gifted children to find a relaxed, open, receptive state. They tend to receive the world’s stimulus more intensely and have trouble filtering that stimulus. It is vital the gifted child have some way to return to a mind-body connection to ground his or her experience in the “here and now.” Mindfulness provides just such an anchor. As children begin to strengthen their attention and awareness in the moment, they have a visceral experience of “space” around their intense experiences. They can slowly begin to trust in their ability to “choose” their response when confronting overstimulation, rather than simply reacting to it. Mindfulness empowers them to come “home” to themselves.

3) Asynchronous Development in Executive Functioning

Many gifted children struggle with executive functioning tasks such as organization, study skills, and switching attention. According to a 2006 article published by the NIH, this appears to be attributed to a slower development of the cortex of the brain in certain areas of high IQ kids. The cortical layer starts out thinner and develops more slowly, while other areas of the gifted brain appear to be operating far more efficiently and effectively than their same age peers. And, don’t you know, Mindfulness has been shown to actually thicken the brain’s cortex! It also helps train one’s awareness of their attention, eventually giving a child or teen an increased ability to place their attention where they choose as opposed to operating on autopilot. This may be, in part, why researchers believe Mindfulness helps with ADD and other issues related to attention regulation.

4) Social Development

It is natural for everyone to have some feelings of anxiety in social situations, particularly new ones. However, if a gifted child or teen repeatedly has the experience of being misunderstood, negated or even ostracized, his or her social anxiety may increase over time. We all have the need for connection, love, and acceptance. It is wired into our human DNA. So how can Mindfulness help? First, it helps individuals become more emotionally resilient. As they begin to neutrally observe their own feelings, thoughts, and sensations, they learn about themselves. This learning gives them more perspective about situations they encounter. For instance, they may begin to recognize the internal warning signs that tell them a social situation is not right for them and ask for help to change it. If they feel rejected, they may be able to see that that person was not able to act with compassion instead of feeling they themselves are “unlikeable.” It may give a gifted teen the self-awareness to honor his or her authentic self instead of using a great deal of energy to “be funny” or “be popular” or “be pretty.”

Mindfulness does not take away our pain, emotional or physical, but it teaches us how to navigate it and to notice when we are adding to our struggles with stories like, “I am weird,” “No one likes me,” or “I guess this is because I’m gifted. I wish I were normal.” We create these stories, quite naturally, to understand our world and feel some sense of identity in it. But sometimes they no longer serve us, and Mindfulness can help us see this and open a compassionate space where once there was none. And, interestingly, in my personal experience of working with gifted children, it is that open, compassionate space where gifted children find self-love and the ability to share their authentic selves openly and joyfully with others.

Next Steps

So where can your child learn the practice? If you can find a Mindfulness class for your gifted child or teen, that will provide the best initial experience and a place to practice with others. Since the practice stresses non-judgment and compassion, a seasoned teacher should be able make sure that your child feels safe and welcome even if it is not a class for the gifted per se. Most of these classes do follow a structure, however, with some level of behavioral expectation. So if you child is not ready for this, there are also coaches like myself who will work to tailor at-home classes for your child and/or your family. For very young children, a kid’s yoga class is a great place to start. Yoga offers them an introduction to the mind-body awareness skill set they will use in their Mindfulness practice later on. Finally, a wonderful gift to offer any child is to learn the practice together. As a parent or teacher, I encourage you to take a class yourself, for adults or educators, and then聽re-teach from your own experience once you have a regular practice yourself. Because the practice is very individual in nature, it is this authentic teaching from one’s own experience that truly brings the practice to life.

Linnea is a regular Mindfulness teacher for 优蜜视频’s Academy, leads various Mindfulness classes in the LA area and consults and teaches privately.聽 She can be reached through her company website,聽, 聽and followed on Twitter at .

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